tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2963940430516650019.post8859464939623395062..comments2023-09-16T11:37:10.056-04:00Comments on I'm Always Right: A Little VentRedheadhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03763007541819974123noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2963940430516650019.post-4472602263711025412007-08-27T22:46:00.000-04:002007-08-27T22:46:00.000-04:00I am a vagatarian. Does that count? Bake the dic...I am a vagatarian. Does that count? Bake the dickhead some cookies. Use exlax.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2963940430516650019.post-87346491605388440422007-08-22T11:19:00.000-04:002007-08-22T11:19:00.000-04:00losing it: Never be afraid to comment - I'm really...losing it: Never be afraid to comment - I'm really nice. Sort of. OK, that's a lie, but still... As for dickhead, yeah, unfortunately he's not one of a kind. Unfortunately, he's one I have to deal with (and don't have the power to get rid of). Thanks for commiserating though.<BR/><BR/>jumpshootingfool: Ew and ew. And I don't even want to think about dickhead being at family gatherings for the rest of time - if that happens a homicide might actually occur.<BR/><BR/>glassyarddog: Way to make me feel better dude. And yes, my sister has dated other guys (actually EVERY guy she's ever dated) that would fall into the dickhead category. This doesn't give me a lot of hope for the future - even though I know she deserves better.<BR/><BR/>STILL A VEGETARIAN!Redheadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03763007541819974123noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2963940430516650019.post-80094242371832926662007-08-22T09:06:00.000-04:002007-08-22T09:06:00.000-04:00OK, I totally understand the sister thing. My sis...OK, I totally understand the sister thing. My sister married a guy who is a total D-bag, and I tried warning her off many, many times, up to and including several teary eyed conversations where I told her she could find someone who would treat her better. Her issue was she had just come out of a bad relationship with a former friend of mine that I had to threaten with bodily harm if he did not leave her alone. She latched on to future hubby, who looked like a prince in comparison, but was still a self centered idiot. To make a long story longer, my pleading did not work, and I've been forced to live with the family situation for over 15 years now. I've got two beautiful nieces, and I spend my time fawning over them, talking to my sister and generally ignoring the self centered one. Ideal? No way. Workable? Damn right.<BR/><BR/>Your sister sounds a bit like mine. Needy, in a word. And the fact that Dickhead has already been busted cheating is a bad sign. I'm not sure there is a hell of a lot you can do to change the situation other than hoping constant reminders that he is in fact a Dickhead will work. Buenos suerte.<BR/><BR/>BTW, mercy kill Tat Guy and Fantasy Guy.<BR/><BR/>EAT MEAT!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2963940430516650019.post-23594913384439089872007-08-22T08:18:00.000-04:002007-08-22T08:18:00.000-04:00So it's a joke contest to win a date with your sis...So it's a joke contest to win a date with your sister, huh? Cool. I love athletic blondes and if I bring enough beer, I'm sure I could watch a marathon.<BR/><BR/>Two guys are in a bar getting shit-faced. The first guy pukes on himself and says, "oh shit, my wife is going to kill me!"<BR/>2nd guys says, "don't worry. Put a $20 in your pocket and tell your wife someone puked on you and gave you the money for dry cleaning."<BR/>They stay awhile longer and get totally trashed. The first guy stumbles home and his wife screams at him, "you reek of booze and you've puked on yourself!"<BR/>"I only had a few drinks. The guy next to me threw up on me and gave $20 for the cleaning bill."<BR/>The wife says, "but there's $40 in your pocket"<BR/>"Oh yeah, I nearly forgot. He shit my pants too."<BR/><BR/>Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?<BR/>A: A mechanic<BR/><BR/>Seriously, I hope your sister wisens up and gets away from this d-bag. I have 5 sisters. Four of them married really cool guys. One married a total a-hole and you can't imagine how he brings us all down when we have to spend any amount of time with him (like holidays.)Jumpshootingfoolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13873154543109766147noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2963940430516650019.post-70115372209679506382007-08-21T20:48:00.000-04:002007-08-21T20:48:00.000-04:00Been reading you for a while (found my way over fr...Been reading you for a while (found my way over from Slowly Going Bald via Pajiba), finally got up the courage to comment...<BR/>Sometimes, no matter what you tell people, they have to learn it for themselves the hard way. Dickhead sounds spookily like the same man who dated my sister, my friends, their friends, and everyone else who was in a shitty relationship. The best thing you can do is be there for her, be honest with her, and let her know you love her. Other than that, there's not much else. Good luck and thanks for all your posts, I'm always entertained.The Krakenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08130296484029792631noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2963940430516650019.post-5630590230245632742007-08-21T20:45:00.000-04:002007-08-21T20:45:00.000-04:00mcbias: Hey, thanks. For all my readers who don't ...mcbias: Hey, thanks. For all my readers who don't know, go to the link for Cobra Brigade on the right and click - they featured me and even said some nice stuff about this here little blog. So show some support and go visit them.<BR/><BR/>As for auctioning my sister off - hmmm, tempting, but I'm not there yet. Oh, and the story was awesome.<BR/><BR/>cpt. morgan: Good God! Jesus...<BR/><BR/>bruce: I get what you're saying, and yes, my sister is not always the strongest woman when it comes to men. But that's what she has me for. Now having said that, I'm not calling Dickhead any names to his face - if she ends up marrying him that could make things...awkward, and I'm not ready to destroy my relationship with her over that dickwad. Right now I'll stick with telling her she can do better and keeping my fingers crossed. Maybe no the most effective method, but the most realistic. <BR/><BR/>Oh, and your college roommate sounds like a first class shithead. I hope he met a girl who was his match and she destoyed him bit by painful bit.<BR/><BR/>yes, I'll have another: Yeah, I don't actually think shooting him is a good idea. Besides the whole illegal aspect (and the fact that I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like jail), he's in the military. I get the feeling his friends wouldn't take too kindly to me trying to take him out. But way to think outside the box dude.Redheadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03763007541819974123noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2963940430516650019.post-7921936447972521712007-08-21T19:28:00.000-04:002007-08-21T19:28:00.000-04:00Well, if the thought of killing Dickhead isn't jus...Well, if the thought of killing Dickhead isn't just fleeting.. (and no, this isn't a "Fargo" style comment...)<BR/><BR/>But, I just moved to DC a few months ago and apparently homicide is pretty legal here. I mean, a few weeks back seven people were shot in one night and they haven't arrested anyone yet. <BR/><BR/>(Wait, actually, seven people were not shot DEAD, they were just shot. So apparently criminals can't aim for shit, so work on that.)<BR/><BR/>Actually, they really don't arrest many people at all. I'd say your odds are pretty good. <BR/><BR/>And, if that fails, just butter his floor.<BR/><BR/>Best of luck.Yes, I'll Have Anotherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16446466194767142015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2963940430516650019.post-23792945828261750462007-08-21T17:58:00.000-04:002007-08-21T17:58:00.000-04:00Morgan shut your damn mouth.onto Business.Redhead,...Morgan shut your damn mouth.<BR/><BR/>onto Business.<BR/><BR/>Redhead, loved the post and have some intel for you. When i was in college my room mate was something of a womanizer. He wasn't mean or bad to girls, he just liked variety and he was never secretive about it. he would tell girls that he enjoyed their company and wanted to spend more time with them and they would say they really liked him. he would tell them that he was going to keep seeing other girls and that they should know it and they would tell him he wasn't really that kind of guy. He would say, "no, I am" and then tell them that he would be very nice and kind to them while he was with them and then he would tell them that when he had to spend time with one of the others they had to get lost. they never believed it was true until they were confronted with it. they would stomp and spit and throw a fit but he would say, "look you knew this was the way it was. i said so, don't blame me." For some unknown reason to me these girls would stay with him and he might have four or five girlfriends at a time. Eventually I called him out on it because I was always attracted to strong women and preferred a relationship with a little more...exchange. He then did something I will never forget. he locked himself in his room for thirty-six hours and wrote a 15 page treatise on how to identify, entice, and bag women with low self esteem. he printed out two copies and gave one to me and our other room mate. We were informed to read them. Later that week we went to a bar and he made a point out of using the mantras of his treatise to target and eliminate a young lady. To prove his point he did it again on friday and saturday night in different bars with different girls. you don't have to believe me, but it is true. <BR/><BR/>the Point<BR/><BR/>within the treatise he listed a few various forms of girls that had dangerously low self esteem and one of which was entitled "victim". Under the heading of victim was , and I shit you not Red,<BR/>"Uses the phrase, 'in case I get back together with him'"<BR/>"her friends describe her as one would a stuffed animal" (you called her "sweet and vulnerable")<BR/><BR/>I say this not as a joke but a warning. You have clearly identified your sister's weaknesses and though you did not call her a "victim" you have clearly determined her peril. i support your efforts to cut off the Dickhead in any way shape form or fashion. If you need help let me know. i could have a vicious little redneck with no future cap this guy from 400 yards and nobody would know the wiser. I could have a couple guys show up on his door and bury him in a ditch so far from any civilization that aliens will be the first to find his body. Outside of that, I suggest calling him a "cunt" to his face in the presence of your sister and to keep calling him that and maybe get your brother on board. really violent and stark language like "cunt" or "cocksucker" can be powerful if used repeatedly to apply a label. i nickname everyone and probably 85% of them stick. It works and gets your message across.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2963940430516650019.post-70932007021424210072007-08-21T17:33:00.000-04:002007-08-21T17:33:00.000-04:00So about a month ago, I was working with an intern...So about a month ago, I was working with an intern, and the intern had to do a digital rectal exam on a woman. Not a pleasant thing...on either end...no pun intended. So the intern goes in for the kill...I suddenly hear a moan/groan? What? What the hell was that? Apparently the intern wasn't paying too much attention, slipped the ol' index right into said patient's fun hole...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2963940430516650019.post-52999315841488958052007-08-21T17:05:00.000-04:002007-08-21T17:05:00.000-04:00Congrats on being featured by the Cobra today. Yes...Congrats on being featured by the Cobra today. Yes, let's not talk about the Tool anymore. Let's talk instead about the contest you're having to set up your readers with your sister, and how I can cheat to finish first. Oh, you didn't know you were having a contest?! Kidding! <BR/><BR/>I don't have that many stories but this will have to do. <BR/><BR/>An elderly man is dying in his bed after a long illness. He suddenly wakes up to the smell of cookies in the kitchen. "Oh, those cookies! My wife has made my favorite dish!" he said. Feeling stronger, he slowly and painfully got out of bed and limped toward the kitchen. He got to the cookie sheet and started to peel a cookie off when suddenly, someone slapped his hand. "Don't touch any, those are for the funeral!" his wife snapped.MCBiashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08158534411541450613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2963940430516650019.post-39206674911535349872007-08-21T13:29:00.000-04:002007-08-21T13:29:00.000-04:00A truck driver is driving down the road when he se...A truck driver is driving down the road when he sees an attractive woman hitch-hiking. He pulls over, she hops in and is completely mesmerized by his CB Radio.<BR/>She: "What's that?"<BR/>He: "It's the most power CB radio made. I can talk to anywhere in the world with this radio!"<BR/>She: "I would do anything to talk to my mother in Poland!"<BR/>He: "ANYTHING?"<BR/>She: "Yup!"<BR/>The guy pulls down his pants and says, "Go ahead."<BR/>The girl leans over and yells, "Hello ma?"<BR/>Bada Boom! Thank you ladies and gents, you've been a great audience. I'm here all week. Try the veal....Jumpshootingfoolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13873154543109766147noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2963940430516650019.post-25259682513019090272007-08-21T11:15:00.000-04:002007-08-21T11:15:00.000-04:00Dave: Awesome.Jack: First of all, I have a pussy -...Dave: Awesome.<BR/><BR/>Jack: First of all, I have a pussy - so calling me one doesn't REALLY hold the same power, now does it? Having said that, I never expected Tattoo Guy to do everything. I was an equal partner in things until I stopped caring, and therefore stopped calling. I don't expect ANYTHING from him now. Fantasy Guy is just being a limp dick and is trying to prod me into pursuing him. I just remembered that I don't pursue guys, their job is to pursue me. So I'm done.<BR/><BR/>Yeah, women do fuck with guys' heads. Ah well.<BR/><BR/>Her friends, my friends, EVERYONE hates dickhead, and she knows it. But since we all care too much about her to ever turn our backs on her, we don't have a lot of leverage when it comes to stopping the situation. Agh. OK, enough of talking about dickhead. Other topics please!Redheadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03763007541819974123noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2963940430516650019.post-27529661668204851632007-08-21T10:46:00.000-04:002007-08-21T10:46:00.000-04:00Hold the phone...you call Fantasy Guy a pussy for ...Hold the phone...you call Fantasy Guy a pussy for not 'laying it out there', but you do the same thing to Tattoo Guy and it's ok? How does that work? Just man up and tell him....<BR/><BR/>The word 'fine' drives me crazy. My gf uses it all the time. Then again, that may not surprise you.<BR/><BR/>Sorry to hear about your sis, that situation blows. You should tell one of your friends talk to her and have them say whatever you would say to her. It would be coming from you but...it wouldn't. Jedi Mind trick there.Shaunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09588168584127417327noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2963940430516650019.post-49758860075414467342007-08-21T10:35:00.000-04:002007-08-21T10:35:00.000-04:00Red, I've got to hit the road visiting clients the...Red, <BR/><BR/>I've got to hit the road visiting clients the rest of the day but wanted to pass along something that I received this morning. I understand the frustration. Is a whooping on Dickhead a misdemeanor or a felony?<BR/><BR/>Dave<BR/>*****************<BR/>A husband died, leaving a will that provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last of the visitors departed the affair, his wife, Dawn, turned to her oldest friend Karen and said, "Well, I'm sure he would be pleased."<BR/><BR/>"I'm sure you're right," replied Karen, who then lowered her voice and leaned in close, "How much did this really cost?"<BR/><BR/>"All of it," said Dawn. "Thirty thousand."<BR/><BR/>"No!" Karen exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?" <BR/><BR/>Dawn replied, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone."<BR/><BR/>Karen computed quickly. "$22,500 for a Memorial Stone? My God, how big is it?"<BR/><BR/>"Two and a half carats."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com