I made it through last week – it’s a miracle! And I just want to say that the drinking I did this weekend was in direct proportion to the amount of stress I felt last week, so…I plead the fifth on any behavior I may have exhibited on Saturday night (sorry Fancy Pants, you were a surprisingly good sport about everything though – in retrospect, the blowjob probably helped). Wow…overshare.
So I went to a podiatrist this morning to get some feedback on my current gimpy state (aka – strained Achilles in BOTH feet/ankles). My father was not pleased when I told him; apparently he has something against podiatrists and wanted me to go to an orthopedic surgeon instead. Didn’t happen. Anyway I’m in no way cured, but the doctor doesn’t seem too concerned about me – I’m already doing a little better, so I guess she’s right that I just need to take it easy for now.
Anywho…what up with you guys? Wait, don’t answer that – I don’t care. Work has eased up tremendously after last week so you’ll probably be hearing more from me in the next few months (before things explode again), but in the meantime…I don’t know, let’s just throw out some random shit and see what happens:
-I’m not really a fruity drink person (hence my fondness for scotch and the occasional dirty martini), but Grey Goose pear vodka with a splash of cranberry is an OUTSTANDING spring drink. FYI.
-What happened at the Kentucky Derby on Saturday is exactly why I can’t watch horse racing. I feel like crying just thinking about it (I’m such a pussy). Moving on…
-It was my assistant’s birthday last week, and being the awesome boss that I am I brought in homemade cookies for her (shut up – I can be domestic). Anyway, so after I drop off the cookies at her desk I go back to my office to do some work. She comes in a few minutes later, sneaks up behind me, and lays a big hug on me while saying ‘Thanks for the cookies.’ Needless to say I stiffened up (I’m not really a hugger). Her reaction – she burst out laughing and said ‘I KNEW that would freak you out, and that meant I had to do it.’ Two thoughts, a) my assistant isn’t scared of me at all, and b) she knows me too well.
-Christine totally redeemed herself when I took her to a Yanks game last week. She bought all the beer (again), surprised me with a big bag of Swedish fish (score), and BARELY made fun of me when I couldn’t walk and was forced to hobble around.
-Fancy Pants bought me a necklace. He gave it to me over the weekend – it’s from Tiffany. I’m…well, I’m a little freaked out by the gift because a) it’s not my birthday or anything and he didn’t seem to have a reason for giving it to me, b) I’m not sure if I should accept it (even though I sort of already did – I was in shock, don’t judge me), and c) while it’s pretty, I’m not going to wear it – something Fancy Pants would know if he…you know, knew me at all!
OK, this may not be totally his fault, but I actually see this necklace thing as a prime example of what’s wrong with our ‘relationship.’ Let me explain – I already have a necklace. One I wear EVERY DAY. It’s an ‘I never take it off’ kind of thing – something that it doesn’t take the most observant person in the world to notice. Only I’m pretty sure Fancy Pants hasn’t noticed – actually that’s not totally true, he MAY have noticed and (being Fancy Pants) decided I needed a little variety when it came to my jewelry. God forbid he actually ask me about the damn thing – like if maybe it has any significance to me perhaps. (FYI, it does – it was my grandmother’s.) But no, our relationship is not based on closeness and meaningful conversation, so…
OK, now I’m just being mean – it was nice of him to get me a gift. It freaks me out and I don’t know what to make of it, but it was nice. (Note to self: Stop being such a bitch.)
- Help me – my addiction to romance novels has recently gotten out of control. Not that I’m embarrassed about it or anything but…OK, I’m a little embarrassed about it.
-So I was going through some stuff this weekend, and I came across an old picture of Stud – an all-time favorite of mine. And I can honestly say, after all these years and all the humiliation I’ve endured because of this guy, I would STILL make a fool of myself if I saw him again and was given half a chance. What is WRONG with me?
Ah fuck – back to work for me. Later in the week, my opinions on all sorts of shit!
10 comments:
Gin and tonics are also a great spring/summer drink. They taste like Christmas!
And your overshare at the beginning of this post made me snort coffee out my nose. Well played.
If you thank him but then tell him about the significance of your necklace you can get him to swap the necklace for another piece of jewellery!
Unless you're above that, of course.
So at what point is someone going to point out that Fancy Pants bears a striking resemblance to, well, nearly every leading man in every romance book ever? The wealthy, insensitive hunk in love with a dashing young redhead--nope, not at all a staple of romance novels, not at all...
I think I do kinda have to agree with mcbias.....Fancy Pants does kind of sound like most leading men in romance novels....kinda interesting I'd say. And either tell him you love the necklace you already wear everyday so he can switch it for you or try and get store credit and get something else...? OR it could make a lovely gift to someone else....who says you can't regift? :) And I know you didn't want to know anyway, but I'm great, thanks for asking.
john: I try. As for the gin and tonic idea - I don't like gin (not even a little bit), but the idea of a vodka tonic is...nope, that's boring. Try again.
anon: I can't return it without telling him why, and I kind of want to stay away from any serious/meaningful conversations between us (which talk of my current necklace might bring up)...I'm such a commitment-phobe.
mcb: On the surface he is a total romance novel guy (I don't deny that), but he doesn't have the deep down 'quality' factor to be the leading guy - he's more the secondary character who occupies the leading chick's time for a little while before she comes to her senses. Damn, I need a life.
jill: See above. As for returning the necklace for store credit or regifting - I know this is going to come as a shock, but I'm not actually mean enough to do that (I know, it is surprising). I'll...figure something out. In the meantime, glad you're doing well. Um...really.
I was going to suggest a Tom Collins, which is historically made with gin but can be easily substituted with vodka. Just tell the bartender to give you a Tom Collins with Grey Goose. A TC is a prohibition drink. The idea being that people would mix it together with their bathtub gin and appear to be drinking lemonade and not smell drunky. A Collins is a a great warming weather drink, and adds to any time spent eating or socializing outdoors while sitting down.
You man is trying to mark his territory. You just got a new, giant pink vibrator, can't you get rid of him?
paine: OK, just because you're getting lazy (you too, Jack) and shutting down Cobra Brigade, don't think for a second that you're going to be able to get away with not commenting here - just look at this Tom Collins comment! You're full of so much useful information.
The problem here is that there really is a difference between a living, breathing, warm man and a (admittedly impressive) vibrator. Still, point taken.
Reply to Redhead's comment to Paine: Phew, there's still hope. I still live in fear (not really, just roll with the joke) of a day when scientists create sex-bots that are superior to a living, breathing man, and the women finally exile us male slackers to a sexless existence living in caves and eating raw meat. j/k
Reply to Redhead's comment to me:
Ok, good, I think that's a fair analogy. So the humble hunk with a heart should be entering stage left any day now, right?
When you get a woman jewelry, every iota of inference and detail must be taken into account. For example: Several years back, when my girl and I started going out, I decided to get her some jewelry. It was, very specifically, to mark my territory. With that in mind, it must be marked with dignity, understanding, and appreciation for the canvas which one is adorning. My gal is not extroverted, so the item had to be understated or the marking would go unaccomnplished because she would not wear it. It had to match her skin tone, because women have different colored skin and some colors don't match. Lots of things come into play. That said, if he has glossed over you enough to ignore the facets of your personality that manifest themselves in your daily appearance, like...a necklace you wear en perpetua, then perhaps you are being faced with a reality. If a person you are with cannot absorb the details they serve little purpose. Is a "warm body" that comforting when faced with the thin and characterless knowledge that a person does not pay attention to the substance of your life? Hey, I am as human as the next person, and male to boot so I would fuck anything that walked slow enough. Still, after a given period of time, the lack of emotional connectivity in a relationship makes sex little more than masturbation. A vibrator, at least, won't show up handing you poorly conceived gifts that detail just how little attention they pay to you.
mcb: What part of 'commitment-phobe' do you not understand? I live in fear of 'humble hunk with a heart' entering stage left anytime soon, THAT'S why I'm dating guys like Fancy Pants.
paine: Ah, there you go showing off again - look, stop trying to make me wish I could find a guy like you who pays attention and cares! I'm not emotionally mature enough to handle that anyway. On a slightly separate note, the 'warm body' thing does get old eventually, but that's what breaking up is for. In the meantime...
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