This and That

Sooo…sorry about the not posting thing. My bad. Things have been a little nutso in Redheadland. Short version – I ripped a tooth in half, didn’t eat for a week, my jeans literally almost fell off while I was walking down the street two days ago (somehow they moseyed on past my – now quite pointy and scary looking – hipbones, and I almost dropped my coffee while making a grab for them), my parents are on vacation in paradise and DIDN’T invite me (the nerve), I may have made a move on another woman’s man (I’ll explain more in a bit, but yeah – oopsie), I think Christine’s not speaking to me but I can’t be bothered to call and find out, my assistant broke up with her long-term boyfriend and called ME in the middle of the night to talk about it (she said I always make her feel better – who knew?), a dude in my building quite possibly made a pass at me last week, and work has been a beast (how come things always go wrong all at the same time – and how hard is it to deliver books ON TIME?). So yeah – busy.

OK, a bit more in depth look at a few of the above (and some other random things because I have a short attention span):

-As some of you (those who read the comment sections around here) may have heard, I had the business lunch from hell a little over a week ago. Long story short, I bit into my salad, cracked a tooth, descended into a world of horrible, hideous, mind-numbing pain, but somehow managed to say nothing and act normal for the next HOUR AND A HALF because I didn’t want to ruin the lunch for everyone. (My assistant’s words, after we got back to the office and I told her what had happened, were ‘Are you serious? I had no idea – you must have the best poker face EVER!’) So yeah, first I cracked a tooth (I’d never done that before – people aren’t joking when they say that shit hurts), then I learned a harsh truth about dentists in NYC – they don’t work on Fridays in the summertime. I took me FOREVER to find one that was open.

Anyway, I still have to have a crown put in (to cover up the half a tooth they ended up having to rip out – hey, at least it didn’t end up being the whole tooth – and on the plus side it was the inside part that I lost, aka: the part that no one sees anyway), but onto the good news – I’m back on solid food again! Yeah baby! If you’ve ever had to settle for a smoothie when all you wanted was pizza, for a WHOLE WEEK, you know what kind of hell I was living in. Not that I’m complaining or anything, but…yeah, I’m complaining. So that’s my big dramatic story. What else…?

-There’s this guy at the office who’s…let’s just say very, very cute. So completely my type that it’s ridiculous – blonde hair (a personal weakness), muscular (great forearms), tall, these beautiful hazel eyes, and best of all just a very masculine vibe to him (no pretty-boy annoyingness here). Anyway, it wouldn’t be a lie to say that I was VERY pleased to see him last week on our warehouse trip. (My company likes to take groups of employees from the office to our warehouse every once in a while to see, well, where we keep the books – crazy idea for a book company, huh?) Where was I? Oh yeah, so I was psyched because who doesn’t like a little eye candy on a field trip?

And I knew that this guy could ONLY be eye candy. You know, because, um…well, this guy has a girlfriend. That I know. Pretty well actually. Because she works for the company too. On my (clears throat) floor to be precise. She super friendly – stops to chat all the time. Oh, and she really good friends with my boss! Yes, my boss. How ‘bout that?

Yeah.

In the interest of full disclosure, let me say that I noticed this guy before I knew he was anyone’s boyfriend – I’m talking months and months ago. I mean, he’s kind of the type of guy you notice. Or rather, he’s the type of guy I notice. And I didn’t realize that he was Girlfriend’s boyfriend until WAY after I knew I was attracted to him.

And it wasn’t my fault Girlfriend wasn’t on the warehouse trip. I mean sure, she had no more say in it than I did, but…ah fuck. OK, back to the story. So we’re at the warehouse, and I swear I tried to behave. I kept my distance for the first few hours, I didn’t really talk to Eye Candy or look at him or anything. I was SO good. But…he looked SO good. He’d gotten this great tan at some point recently, and he kept standing next to me while we took our tour. And…yeah, I guess I started flirting towards the end (I’m only human!). But I promise you that I tried to be subtle. You know, like I was doing it more for me than for him. And I really thought I’d succeeded. Except…yeah, my assistant was there too. And as she pointed out, she knows me too well. First, I got a sly little smile from her. Then I got an elbow nudge. Then I got a whispered, ‘You’re funny.’ And then:

Redhead: (Trying to look innocent) What?
Assistant: You know what.
Redhead: What?
Assistant: You’re hitting on another girl’s man.
Redhead: (Pausing, trying to look offended) How dare…okay yes. I am. Is it obvious?
Assistant: Nah, probably not to anyone but me.
Redhead: I swear I’m usually better behaved than this.

The conversation disintegrated from there. Somehow we hit on the fact that Eye Candy and Girlfriend had been together for 5 years (5 YEARS!), they were living together, but – even though both are in their 30s – they are still NOT engaged. My assistant concluded that he was ‘stealable.’ I…considered testing her theory to see if there was any truth to it. BUT I quickly came to my senses, stopped giving him the eye, and mentally kicked my own ass. I mean a) I don’t poach (really, I don’t…usually), b) we don’t know if they even believe in marriage, maybe they’re perfectly happy with where they are in the relationship, c) I don’t need that kind of bad karma, and d) talk about creating a bad work environment!

Still, I would like to do things to this guy. I won’t…but I’d like to. Does this make me a bad(der) person?

-I read a book over the weekend that I loved, loved, loved. It looks like chick lit, but it wasn’t annoying like most books in the genre. A mix of memoir/novel, I thought the characters were amazing (especially Sebastien – I can’t believe he’s real). There were parts of the story that made me laugh out loud, I actually think I fell in love with France while reading it (a hard thing to believe even though…admission time – I really enjoyed Paris when I went a couple years ago; I wasn’t expecting to, but I couldn’t help myself), and even though Laura (the writer/main character) and I don’t have much in common in terms of behavior, there were so many things that she thought and said during the story that I just ‘got.’ I guess what I’m trying to say here is that I really related to her.

So for anyone out there who’s looking for a really funny, absolutely charming book, I recommend – Blame it on Paris by Laura Florand. If you don’t like it, I don’t want to know you.

-So my mother got herself an iPhone and passed on her brand new iPod to me (since she no longer needed it – obviously). And I have to say, some of her music is really good. Some of it sucks (what’s with the showtunes, Mom?), but some of it’s really not bad. (I’m giving her playlist a spin before I load my music on.) Three oldies but goodies that I came across this morning that I thought I’d share – since they all made me smile:

You Make Me Feel Like Dancing by Leo Sayer (so, so, so fun)
Sunshine Superman by Donovan (wait, Donovan? Yes, Donovan – and there’s more!)
Mellow Yellow by Donovan (I dare anyone to listen to this song and NOT spend the rest of the day singing ‘They call me Mellow Yellow’ in their head)

There you go – my mother cracks me up. One more thought on her music before I move on to another topic: You’re My Home by Billy Joel – so romantic it’s out of control. Does it make me cheesy that I think so? Yes. Do I care? Fuck no. Try to find a woman who isn’t blown away by it. I dare you.

-Fruit punch flavored Vitamin Water is yum. And the little spiel about the flavor on the side of the bottle – actually pretty funny. Just FYI.

OK, more later in the week. Have I missed anything in your lives that I should know about? Well make it quick if you tell me – I need to work too, people!

(Note: Yeah, I know I'm supposed to start making these shorter - um, next time. Maybe.)