Thoughts?

Hey, so I know I haven't been around here in a while, and I'm assuming no one even visits anymore, but on the off chance that you have stumbled by...

Thoughts on the below stockings? I've been going through a super-duper girly stage recently, and it's made me do a lot of shopping. Admittedly, most of the stuff I've been buying hasn't been...essential. But it has been fun, and I want to look hot. So with that in mind (but also keeping in mind that I'm not a whore) - is there really any chance I'll wear these? I was thinking with a short little black dress, but...are they too much? Thoughts?

Feel…So…Good - Update

I’m freshly back from Bermuda people – tanned, relaxed, happy…I give myself until around Tuesday before I’m stressed and angry again, but for now…bliss.

Sorry I’ve been out of touch as of late. Between the vacation, an office change (and I mean an entirely new building – have you ever packed up a couple THOUSAND books in less than a week?), a midsummer cold, and a new boy to flirt with, I’ve been busy. But I’m back, temporarily in a good mood, and ready to babble. So what do you guys want to talk about?

Well until you come up with something, let me touch on a few things that have been on my mind:

-That Baskin Robbins commercial (pretty sure it’s Baskin Robbins…I think…wow, that’s good advertising if I can’t even remember what company it’s for) - you know, the one with the song. The one that goes:
Ice creamy cakey cake!
Ice creamy cakey cake!
Ice creamy cake do the ice creamy cake!
Ice creamy cake do the ice creamy cake!
Ice creamy cake do the ice creamy cake!
I can’t get this fucking song out of my head (and I sing along whenever I hear it, which is ALL THE TIME). Do you know the commercial I’m talking about? Is the song now stuck in your brain too? Yes? Good.

-Why is it so hard to properly apply sunscreen? Why are my knees burned but not my thighs or stomach? Why is the tip of my nose burned but not the rest of my face? Am I a moron? Don’t answer that.

-I love giraffes – I just think they’re the coolest.

-Finally got around to watching Generation Kill – fucking awesome. Get off your ass and Netflix it.

-Alexander Skarsgard (I’m missing some sort of accent in there - he's Swedish...mmm), the star of Generation Kill and True Blood, is my new celebrity crush. He absolutely could not be more my type if he tried. Google him, he's nummy.

-Speaking of True Blood, I have to say that I’m just not that into it. I say that while freely admitting I watch the show and enjoy certain parts, but overall…I think I’m missing something. Why does everyone love it so much? I find the majority of the characters (not Eric, obviously) really annoying. Thoughts?

-And finally, I get this email every Friday from a guy I know – he sends it out to a bunch of people – and in it he always gives us a bunch of random facts he found that week. I figured I’d share the fun today and copy/paste a few:

Percentage of Americans who say that God has spoken to them: 36%

Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80%;
Percentage of American women who say they would marry the same man: 50%

Percentage of men who say they are happier after their divorce or separation: 58%;
Percentage of women who say they are happier after their divorce or separation: 85%

Number of different family relationships for which Hallmark makes cards: 105

Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches

Percentage of bird species that are monogamous: 90%;
Percentage of mammal species that are: 3%

OK that’s it – Happy Friday everyone!

Update: I have found the greatest blog ever. Please click here - if you don't appreciate this, we can't be friends.

I Have No Idea Why I Found This So Funny

So I’m walking through the subway station yesterday, and I see this couple walking towards me. They’re holding hands, talking – generally unnoticeable. I wouldn’t have even registered their existence if the guy hadn’t suddenly stopped walking, an expression of complete shock on his face. The chick just kept on going.

I don’t know, all of a sudden I was intrigued. What did she say? Obviously it was surprising, since he stopped dead and looked fucking stunned. But the thing was she just kept on going, like she was either a) expecting this reaction from him, or b) didn’t care. Either way…awesome.

So there I was, thinking of all the things she could have said to elicit this reaction. Wondering what she could say in a crowded (it was rush hour) train station that would be that interesting. So I started playing with all the possibilities while I made my way home.

My favorite was she’d just told him she’d slept with his brother. I don’t know why, but that one cracked me up. I mean, how genius would it be to tell him, like it’s no big deal, while holding hands and walking through the subway station? He couldn’t very well kill her there, right? Kind of a smart move to do it in public actually.

Another theory I had was that she had told him she was pregnant. You know, because who needs privacy for a discussion like that, right?

Wow, I could play this game all day. Anyway, those were my top two. Do you guys have any you want to throw out there? The floor is yours.

10 Things

1) I love the smell of the farmer’s market in Union Square. I walk through it year-round (got to get to work somehow), but in the summertime the smells just go off the charts. Whether it’s the strawberries (mmmm, strawberries) or the basil, it just makes mornings so much more enjoyable. Two enthusiastic thumbs up.

2) UFC 100 is this weekend! I’m finding a bar that’s willing to pay the $45 to get the fights, and I’m not budging until it’s over. NONE of my friends want to go with me, so it looks like I’m spending my Saturday night solo. But guess what – I don’t care! The only sad part is my brother is going to be there, in Vegas, because his job actually requires it (my fucking job now officially sucks), and apparently I don’t fit in his suitcase. Not. Fair.

3) Christine was fired again. That makes 3 jobs in the last 4 years. This is getting awkward.

4) So I’m reading GENERATION KILL by Evan Wright – I wanted to read it before I finally got around to watching it (months late) on On Demand. I’ve got to say, it’s ridiculously good. Well written, engrossing, disturbing, just…amazing really. Only now I’m a little nervous about watching the series; I’ve heard good things about it, but there’s no way it’s ever going to live up to the book. Ah well, I’m still excited.

5) Linda got married a week and a half ago – I was a bridesmaid. I wore a killer dress (yay to letting the bridesmaids choose their own dresses). The reception was wayyyyy too much fun. I’ll write more about it soon. Probably.

6) People are gross. So a few days ago it got a little warm in NYC (finally), and I hopped the subway downtown. I get in the subway car and instantly realize that the air conditioning isn’t working, but decide to suck it up rather than go on walkabout to find a better car. Big mistake. The dude sitting across from me, in denim shorts no less – no man should ever wear denim shorts…ever…for any reason – is sweating like a pig. That’s gross enough. But then, he pulls out a tissue and starts WIPING HIS HAIRY LEGS WITH IT! I guess he was trying to cool off/mop up the sweat. But either way…ewwwww. I have no words. I still feel a little nauseous when I think about it. People, when you are on the subway you are in public! We can see you! Stop with the weird crap!

7) So after a long winter of being a lazy shit I finally started working out again. My ass is grateful. The rest of me fucking hates it.

8) I’ve decided that I’m sick of meeting men in bars, and the blind dates my friends have been setting me up on lately have been…bad. Any suggestions (NOT match.com) on good ways to meet men? I refuse to date anyone I work with, and I’m running out of options here.

9) I have a new word that I’ve been using a lot lately, and I’m more than willing to admit I have no clue what it means. My new word is: jiggity.

10) And the big news – my parents got a new dog! We’re so excited to have her in the family (we got her from Boxer Rescue and she’s…SO fab), and I am completely, 100% in love. Here she is:

Ridiculously cute, right?

That’s it for now. I think I might post again in the next few days. Hey, it could happen!

I'm in 'Girl Jail'

This was an actual conversation about another (different) conversation - let's just jump right in and skip the intro:

Redhead: And then I used the c-word.
Christine: Wait…what?!
Redhead: I honestly don’t think I’ve ever used it out loud before, but it just kind of popped out.
Christine: What was the context?
Redhead: I was…you know…talking about the body part.
Christine: WAIT...WHAT?!
Redhead: It kind of fit naturally into the conversation at the time. The guy seemed surprised though.
Christine: No shit. Men are afraid of that word (for good fucking reason)! But you…you should know better!
Redhead: I know.
Christine: Bad!
Redhead: I know!
Christine: That’s it – give your girl card back!
Redhead: Stop yelling at me!

Annddddd....scene.

Turns out girls aren't allowed to use the c-word either - did anyone else know this? Can I ask a question here? What exactly is so bad about the word? I know it's a no-no and everything, but...why?

Anyway, so now I'm in 'girl trouble' - whatever that is - and I guess I'm in 'girl jail' (which I just made up). Mental shrug.

May – The Month of Lust

Seriously, that’s what Christine proclaimed after some completely ridiculous behavior (on both our parts) last month. Thank God it’s over! Note: I’m actually kind of sad it’s over; we had a lot of fun. Don’t judge me!

Anywho, sort of on the same topic but not really, have any of you people ever heard of the ‘Irish Curse’? Christine spent a really long time last weekend trying to convince me that there is such a thing. Essentially all it refers to is an entire county’s...well, there’s really no nice way to say this – dick size. Apparently Irishmen have wee little peckers. Now I’ve dated an Irish dude a time or two, and honestly…I don’t know. I wasn’t overwhelmed by their size or anything, but I wasn’t laughing at it (on the inside of course) either. Am I just terribly unobservant? Is there a nugget (tee hee) of truth there?

Thoughts? No? OK, moving on…

Ooh, before we do – and while we’re on the subject of Irish dicks – it turns out that Christine wants to spend some time with a particular one. One that you all know (but not as well as I do – oo-er). Wow, when did I get so dirty?

Anyway, I keep going off on tangents, but the big news is…Christine wants to fuck my Bartender! (You may remember him from here and here.) And you know what – I was totally fine with it. In fact, my response was pretty unequivocal:

Redhead: I bequeath him to you – go forth and prosper!

Not surprisingly I was super duper drunk when I said that. But still, the sentiment stands. I don’t want him, and he’s cute and fun, so she can (and should) have him. The only problem is I missed a golden opportunity there, and I’m bummed I didn’t take the time to properly fuck with my friend.

Now, in the sober light of day, all I can think is I should have gotten something for my troubles (and by troubles, I mean handing over my sloppy seconds to Christine). Where’s the guilt trip she should be on? Where’s my free meal/free drinks? Where’s the groveling that is expected when a friend moves in on your (sort of) ex?

I’ll tell you where – it’s at the bottom of my scotch glass. Along with my pride.

Hmmm, and on a completely unrelated note, guess what I had for breakfast this morning? Rolos! Do you guys remember those? I hadn’t seen them in years, but when I stumbled to the vending machine this morning to buy myself breakfast (I swear they sell granola bars in the vending machine, so it’s not always quite as bad as it sounds), what did I see? Rolos! Those bit size caramels covered in chocolate – do you remember them? The ones that are REALLY chewy and make you drool all over yourself. Just me?

Well I bought them, and let me tell you – they were AWESOME! I didn’t even feel stupid (well…not really) when my assistant came into my office and found me slobbering all over myself while eating one.

OK, that’s enough for today. Hey, maybe I’ll post again sometime this month! Wouldn’t that be cool?! Yeah, we’ll see.

Someone Just Sent This to Me - I Had to Share

So my friends forward me stupid shit to read all the time, but this one I really enjoyed. And because I'm so awesome, I decided to share it with you fine people. Laziest post ever? Yes, laziest post ever. (But damn I'm good.)

Hell explained by a Chemistry student

The following is an actual bonus question given on a University of Washington chemistry midterm. The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.