Tuesday, December 8, 2009

It's Only Tuesday

Shockingly, painfully hungover. Had a business dinner last night – we started with drinks at 6:30, had a couple of cocktails before sitting down to dinner, drank several bottles of wine with dinner, scotches with dessert, and finally, blessedly, we finished up around midnight.

I grabbed a cab home, and at some point realized that my motor skills were not what they should be (barely had the capability to make it up the stairs to my apartment, and it took me a few minutes to figure out how to unlock my door). Thought I would die when my alarm went off at 6:15 this morning, but like a champ I got up. My boss looked like hell when she arrived in the office, my assistant only just got here (almost an hour late), apparently I sent out a couple of emails that weren’t exactly coherent (since I was the first one at my desk and felt I should do something – I'm so stupid), and we’re all hurting. A lot. Life sucks all around, and we have another business dinner tonight. Also, company Christmas party tomorrow night, a date on Thursday night, and another date on Friday night – help. Just want to curl up and die.

Note: It seems our waiter last night was given my phone number – I was not the one who gave it to him. How does this kind of shit happen at a business dinner, you ask? I don’t know. I just do not know.

Any and all hangover cures are welcome in the comments section. Fuck, I’m not going to make it.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Cheating = Bad

Okay you asked for it (actually, Cobra asked for it) – what are my real feelings on Tiger and the whole cheating scandal? Well, not to completely pile on to a story that has already been beaten to death, but…

(Disclaimer: Please keep in mind that I’m an extremely opinionated person, and that I have an edge to my personality that can seem a little harsh to people who don’t know me well. Because of this I’ve moved away from doing too many opinion pieces around here – mainly because people freak the fuck out and don’t seem to get that I have humor and sanity hidden behind what I say. But I do, so calm down. Okay?)

Alright, my thoughts on cheating in general (I believe I’ve said this here before): If you want to be with someone other than your partner, and you’re not married, feel free – but end your current relationship first you spineless dipshit! You’re not legally bound to the person, but still show some fucking respect and end things properly before moving on; you don’t want to be that guy/girl. However, I will concede that if you aren’t married and you do cheat, it is not the end of the world and no physical harm should come to you. Dickhead.

Now, if you are married…sucks to be you! I’m imagining you willingly entered into the institution of marriage, where you swore to remain faithful, so..there you go. It’s not complicated – you’re married, you want to fuck someone else, but you DON’T. Because you made the choice to spend the rest of your life with that one person, and you gave your word to not fuck with their trust (maybe not with exactly that verbiage, but you get my point), so man up. It’s called willpower. Cheating is a practice of the mentally and emotionally weak. I have no respect for the weak.

And as for Cobra’s little clarification, “My post request is for professional athletes and marriage, not normal people. Huge difference.” Well my friend, I beg to differ. I don’t think there is a difference. Does money and opportunity really make a difference? Look, I can see that some couples enter into marriage with different ground rules than others, and I can’t speak to that. I will say that I have gotten the impression Tiger’s wife wasn’t cool with the idea of her man fucking anyone other than her. Should she have expected it? No, not if he told her he wouldn’t.

I tend to view things in a realistic (if somewhat black and white) way. If Elin was at all aware of reality and how professional athletes conduct their personal lives (and she should have been), then it was her responsibility to make her views on the topic clear before they got married (ie. don’t do it or I’ll come after you with a golf club). And she should have made sure Tiger was on the same page.

But after that I think she had every right to trust him and believe he would remain faithful, because fuck everyone else and what they do; it’s not her job to worry about the egos and character issues of the other 99% of professional athletes. If her man was strong enough to keep his word – as he should have been – then that’s all that matters. I don’t care that he has hot young things throwing themselves at him 24 hours a day. How hard is it to not do something? It’s harder to sneak someone into your room, lie to your wife, lie to your fans, and pay people off than to just GO TO YOUR ROOM ALONE.

Hell, as an attractive woman living in NYC it’s not exactly hard for me to get male attention. But I manage to remain faithful when I’m in a relationship (and I’m not even married)! It’s called not doing shit when the opportunity presents itself. And trust me, even when there's serious temptation there (and sometimes it is serious) it’s still not difficult to do nothing – inactivity is surprisingly easy.

So to sum up – 1) People who cheat are fucking worthless, weak, and undeserving of even the most superficial respect. 2) Athletes are people – read the previous sentence again if you’re still confused. 3) I liked Elin’s fire when I heard she’d lost her shit on Tiger. Now everything’s quiet, and it looks like he’s paying her off. While I’m not a fan of sticking around for any reason after cheating goes down (I say get a really good lawyer and walk away with his money AND your dignity), if you are going to stay then I am a firm believer in torturing the other person along the way. In other words, I hope Elin keeps Tiger on a VERY short leash, treats him terribly in private, and gets a sick amount of money – that she couldn’t get in a divorce – for her troubles.

Oh, and on a completely unrelated (but unbelievably awesome) note, I’ve attached a link to a story about the Bad Sex Fiction Award. I didn’t even know such an award existed, but I am seriously thrilled to hear that it does! I will admit to almost losing my shit while reading this (at work – of course). Click the link and enjoy the awfulness. Happy Friday everyone!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Fa La La La La

The holidays are tiring. I am going out EVERY NIGHT next week (and the week after that is looking a little crazy too). Is it too early to already want to spend a night in my pajamas doing nothing? Yup, I’m lazy.

Quick comment about the Tiger Woods thing (because of course I’m finding this fascinating): If Tiger’s wife did actually beat him up and take a golf club to his car for cheating…well that’s just fucking AWESOME! Way to not take it lying down, Elin! I’ve gone from indifference to legitimately liking her, purely on the basis of rumors. Nice work.

‘Tis the season. I’ve got three dates lined up in the next two weeks (nicely fit in around all the holiday parties). All with different guys, and all of the guys are suitably adorable. And every single one of them asked ME out. ‘Thank God,’ says my ego. (Yes, my ego talks now.)

How many pumpkin muffins is too many to eat in one day? 4? Not…um…not that I ate 4 pumpkin muffins on Sunday while I was hung over. Obviously. That would be a terrible idea; practically the same as just sitting there eating a stick of butter. It’s just that, you know, they come in 4-packs so I couldn’t just buy one. And they were going out of season so I wasn’t going to see new ones until next fall. It… Yeah, okay, I have no excuse.

Seriously, I think they’re trying to freeze us out of my office. I am sitting at my desk wearing my scarf and jacket. My assistant is wearing a scarf and like 3 sweaters. WTF? They haven’t gotten the temperature right in this place in like 2 months!

Something to think on (I’ll tell you why later): What is one thing that you think a person should do before ‘growing up’? There are no rules on this, but I want serious answers (assuming anyone reads this site anymore). OK, go.