Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Thoughts etc.

So the past week has been exhausting, and rather than going into it I will simply say I am one year older, my liver has been absolutely abused in the past 7 days (a wine bar one night, a martini bar the next night, my favorite scotch place the night after that…), I saw 2 Broadway shows in the past 2 weeks (Chorus Line was not as amazing as I had hoped it would be), I had entirely too much fun with my friends (who paid for everything – bonus!), my family proved to be just as nuts and loving as is humanly possible (2 dinners with them last week – drinks Redhead consumed at said dinners: 9…not counting the bottles of wine with the actual meals), oh, and my job is slowly killing me.

-On the job front my boss actually came to me last week and said they WILL be hiring me an assistant soon, and that she realizes I ‘can’t be expected to keep up this pace in the long term.’ No shit Sherlock. I was starting to think I had sold my soul for a bigger paycheck and more impressive title – I’m still not entirely convinced I haven’t. What else…

-I passed a woman on the street this morning who was pushing a stroller – it was your basic NY stroller with the sun visor thingee, the plastic covering to protect the rider from the wind, etc. The only thing that made this woman stand out to me – she had a DOG sitting in the seat of her Bugaboo (retail price of that stoller: roughly $700). Now I’m as big an animal fan as they come, but having said that – WHAT THE FUCK?! Dogs CAN walk, I’m almost sure of it.

Sometimes people give me a headache.

-I went back to being a redhead. Length of time spent in brunette land – 1 month. This can’t be good for my hair. Still, if you had seen me with my roots growing out...not an attractive look for me. Just NOT an attractive look.

-I’ve decided to write another book – this I’m going to do in my free time. Ah shit, I don’t have any free time, do I? Well whatever, I need some options right now. Did I mention that my job is taking over my life?

-My younger nephew had his birthday party this weekend (1 year old – so damn cute), and I, being the kick-ass aunt that I am, got presents for not just the birthday boy but his older brother as well (who’s only 2 and doesn’t get the selfless thing yet). Anyway, my present for the non-birthday boy was a doctor’s kit: Briefcase, stethoscope, fake cell phone, fake pager, name tag, fake needle, blood pressure cuff, etc. I’m telling you guys, this kit was awesome and went over VERY well.

So I’m home the next morning and my mom calls to tell me the story of Nephew #1 (the older one). It seems that the night before, Nephew #1 had finished his bath and was getting antsy while Nephew #2 was having his turn in the tub, so he exited the room. A minute later he returned – buck naked and wearing only a stethoscope. My brother and sister-in-law immediately did the right thing and grabbed a camera to preserve the moment - and have something to show Nephew #1's future wife.

The first thing that came to mind when my mother told me this story: Why is it that when a little kid does this you think it’s the cutest thing ever, but when a full-grown man does it all you can think is ‘ah shit, he wants to play doctor AGAIN?’

Just kidding – I never get sick of playing doctor.

-My apartment has been fucking freezing this week – I’m thinking that there’s something wrong with my heat (the temperature in NY yesterday was around 13 degrees). YET, I haven’t actually called my super to let him know about the problem. Why? Well, it all gets down to the fact that I feel I need to clean my apartment before he comes to check things out, and I just don’t have the time or energy lately. So I’ve just been layering on clothes and huddling under the covers when I’ve been home.

THAT my friends is why I’m the queen of laziness. Seriously, I dare you to top that. Yeah I didn’t think you could either; don’t feel bad.

-Russell Crowe in Gladiator = Still the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

-I got to choose the restaurant my family went to for my birthday, and even though I’m a miserable, cranky vegetarian (I really am), I chose my favorite steak place to celebrate. I did this because I figured a) I could live vicariously through them, and b) why should everyone else suffer because of my stupid guilt/morality.

Alright, that’s it for now. I promise to try to post more frequently from now on. (Operative word here – try.) Does anyone have anything they want to share?

Monday, January 14, 2008

Happy Birthday to Me!

OK, I know I dropped off the face of the earth there for a little while and…um…sorry about that. Short version of what’s been going on: Work’s been more than a little nuts (no, I don’t want to talk about it) – I haven’t even visited this little blog in the past week much less anyone else’s, Christine’s life has been falling apart (she got offered a job and then the offer was taken back when her references came back bad – yeah, ouch), John’s not talking to me, and…

Wait, let me tell the John story – so I started seeing this guy just about a week ago (it’s new and yet not – we’ve known each other for a little while). Some problems with this new relationship: 1) He’s 23. I know, I know – now that I’m on the north side of my 20s this is officially robbing the cradle. Oops. 2) This guy happens to work with John and is a friend of his. Double oops. I am now in what we laymen like to call ‘trouble.’


Hmmm, what else? Oh right, so two weeks ago I’m out with Linda (again), we somehow meet up with a friend from high school (actually, I went to elementary school with this dude and haven’t seen him since we graduated), I got drunk and start chatting up a huge guy with a shaved head, tattoos, and a tongue ring. And then (ugh) I left with said huge dude with the tongue ring (nothing happened – get your heads out of the gutter).

Anyway ever since then I’ve been getting phone calls from people I grew up with and haven’t spoken to in forever (on purpose). Everyone wants to know what’s going on with me and if the rumors are true. ‘Um, what rumors?’ I asked. No one will tell me, but I can guess. Fuck. Conclusion: You never outgrow high school.

And…shit, what else do you guys want to know? Oh yeah, my birthday is this week – I am NOT excited about it. I’m pretty much convinced that every birthday after 21 is a complete buzzkill anyway but still…this one is already annoying. I mean sure, I’m pretty much guaranteed of drinking and eating for free for the next week or so, but this shit is getting old (as am I). I’ve been going out every fucking day already and have plans almost EVERY NIGHT this week.

Now all of that may sound good in theory, but in reality it’s tiring. All I want is a night to myself, and that’s not going to happen for another 7 days or so. Oh, and I’m another year older. And one of my best friends isn’t talking to me. And another friend is as depressing as hell. And a bunch of people I went to 3rd grade with think I’m a slut. But hey on the bright side – free cake!

Hee hee – just got off the phone with my sister. She’s drunk right now and that makes her really funny. Also funny (only not) is that my sister broke up with her dickhead boyfriend. Again. Well that didn’t last long! It would be sad if it weren’t so entertaining (and if I weren’t so happy they’re not together anymore…for now of course – they’ll be back together next week). Still – she deserves better.

Random rant: What the fuck is up with the ending to the movie Titanic? Does this shit piss anyone else off or just me? Things that annoy the shit out of me about the ending:

1) Why does SHE get to float on the piece of wood but not Jack? And if he insisted that she get on first, why didn’t she get on for a little while and then got off and give him some time out of the water? Would that be so fucking hard? What a cow.
2) When he makes her promise to live – for him – why doesn’t she ask the same of him. Isn’t love a two-way street? What, is her life worth more? Way to be a fucking selfish bitch!
3) When she, as an old lady, throws the necklace into the water, I keep thinking ‘Um…why?’ What’s the logic there? What purpose does throwing away the necklace serve? She’s held onto it all her life so clearly she doesn’t need to let go of her past NOW. And it’s not like the necklace meant anything to Jack, so returning it to the water, aka His Grave, means nothing either (a moot theory if you will). Nor did it belong to the ship – so metaphorically returning it to the ship doesn’t make any sense either.
4) And finally, the crew on the Titanic expedition – the group that took her in, were nothing but nice to her, listened to her long-ass story, and who were (I imagine) spending a lot of money looking for that necklace – got repayed for their kindness by getting fucked over. Instead of handing over to them what they want (and she so clearly doesn’t), she just throws it away. Like a giant Fuck You to them. And she throws it into the ocean, pretty much guaranteeing that they’ll never find it. While never telling them! Final conclusion: What a bitch!

Yeah, that’s all I’ve got for today. Anything going on with you guys that you want to share? Until next week party people – don’t do anything I wouldn’t do…or would actually…

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Weekend/New Year's Recap

OK, we’re going to need to keep this quick because I’m running on about 3 hours sleep (don’t ask), my coffee STILL hasn’t kicked in, and I have a lot of work to do. So to recap:

I went out with Linda and her gay boyfriends on Friday (no seriously, she has like 4 close friends who are all gay lawyers). Anyway, at some point in the past year or so I’ve met and hung out with all of them, and according to Linda they all love me and insisted I be invited for their Holiday Night Out (believe it or not I make a great first impression – I know, it always adds to the disappointment once people actually get to know me). Long story short I got blasted (as did everyone else), and…let’s see, what else…

Well, we started out drinking cocktails at Linda’s around 6 (those of us who had worked last week needed pre-dinner refreshment), then at around 8 we wandered out for dinner; somehow the six of us polished off 4 bottles of wine during the course of the meal. After that we wandered down the block to a neighborhood bar for more liver destruction. Now, at this point in the night things get fuzzy – I do know we ended up at a karaoke bar (briefly) and that I sang To Be With You by Mr. Big (the fact that I chose that song cracks me up, but the fact that I sang at all proves that I was VERY drunk), and I do know that I allowed the Gay Boyfriends to psychoanalyze me – the verdict:

With the help of Linda (who’s known me forever), it was deduced that I don’t have successful relationships because I’m afraid of being hurt (no shit Sherlock, who isn’t?). It also seems that in the instances where I do care (ie. family, a VERY SMALL group of friends) I ‘love hard’ (whatever the fuck that means). Therefore I need to ‘grow a pair’ and allow myself to be vulnerable. I say this is all bullshit, but I will admit to being more than a little impressed that they came up with this after a good six hours of nonstop drinking.

After the psychoanalysis we decided to lighten things up by heading over to a gay bar so the boys could ‘get their flirt on’ (no, seriously, they said that). Once there I have been informed that I was the life of the party, and that I danced with no less than 8 men and 3 women. (It would appear that I also convinced one of the Gay Boyfriends to break up with his actual boyfriend over the phone – I stand by this even now because the dude was cheating and deserved to get dumped by cell phone at 2am. Still…)

Anyway, I finally made it home around 3:30am, but this was not before I gave into the urge to walk through midtown Manhattan at 3 in the morning in the rain. I got fucking soaked, but this is actually one of the few parts of the evening that I remember clearly – it was one of those great NY moments where the city was kind of quiet yet still very much awake, the night was so dark that the lights looked like little stars, there was just a little bit of mist around to add to the ambiance, and things just seemed…quiet and peaceful – well as quiet and peaceful as midtown Manhattan gets anyway. OK, I’m not really explaining this well, but suffice it to say I had a nice walk home in the pouring rain.

Thanks to that little late-night stroll in the rain, I woke up the next morning with my hair looking…interesting. That seemed like as good a reason as any to spend most of the day being lazy and doing nothing but reading and eating leftover Christmas cookies. Sunday was more of the same – I’m dodging John’s calls at the moment (hey, according to you guys I'm the ‘Babe Ruth of avoidance’). And Monday basically involved spending hours with my nephews (they honestly COULD NOT be any cuter) and going out for New Year’s.

A quick thought on New Year’s Eve: There’s too much pressure on New Year’s. I’m never going to have as much fun as I feel like I should, I have to pay at least $100 to get into a bar (and contrary to popular belief, I cannot drink $100 worth of booze and don’t really enjoy feeling like I should try), and I find that most private party’s in people’s apartments are…cramped to say the least (NYC apartments are just not designed to be able to handle large crowds). I’d rather just stay home with some Chinese food.

Having said all of that, I did go to a house/apartment party. It was actually very chill and relaxed (which I enjoyed), I drank mainly scotch and champagne (don’t do it – I did not feel awesome when I woke up yesterday), and I ended up leaving around 1. All in all, it was uneventful and…fine.

As for New Year’s resolutions – I don’t do New Year’s resolutions. What about you guys? Did you do anything fun? Do you have any resolutions you want to share? Fuck I’m tired.