Thursday, December 27, 2007

Ah Sh*t

I blame my sister’s boyfriend. Call it a copout on my part if you want, but I’m still blaming him. Why? Well, the Dickhead came and spent Christmas with us (my mom didn’t tell me until I got off the train in Jersey – I think she knew I wouldn’t have come home if I’d been told earlier). Anyway I was stuck in my parents’ house with this dude for the holidays. And apparently I needed to be polite or something (you know, because I love my sister). Which I was (I can pretend if I have to – shut up, I can), because I’m awesome. Anyway, this ended up being very trying for me (as you can imagine), and as it turns out (apparently) stress makes me stupid.

Oh, and drunk. Stress prompts me to get drunk. (Who am I to argue with nature?)

Uh, just so you know that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Because…well…ah shit. There’s just no good way to say this. Um…fuck it. Here goes:

John and I didn’t end up going to see Juno (as previously mentioned, I was in need of alcohol after dealing with the Dickhead); we went to a bar instead. Where I drank. And drank. And drank. (And of course – this should come as no surprise to those of you who know me around here – I complained.)

Quick sidenote: Yet another reason why New York is the best city anywhere – practically no one drives. And there are a ton of bars here. See how that works out well? Because you know what doesn’t go together? Yeah, drinking and driving. And you know what you have to do in most other places when you want to go out to a bar and drink? Exactly, you need to drive there (and, coincidentally, home). This is both a rant (where’s the logic there?) and an explanation of the situation – ie. I wasn’t driving so I got drunk, John was driving so he didn’t. He was sober. Is everyone following me so far?

Yeah, who wants to guess what happened?

Yup. Just…yup.

We ended up making out OUTSIDE up against his car. (Yes, that would be PDA people – I claim the drunk excuse and DON’T want to discuss it.)

Now that I’m sober and FAR away from Dickhead, I’m feeling more than a little freaked out by the whole John thing. I have no idea how to deal with it (besides avoidance, I’m awesome at avoidance). Thoughts? Suggestions?

You know, I think I already know what my New Year’s wish next week is going to be: In 2008, I’d love to end the year with the same number of friends as I started it with (this whittling down I’ve been doing isn’t a positive thing).

Anyway, how was everyone else’s holiday? Good? Any stories you want to share (that don’t include groping your best friend in a parking lot)?

Friday, December 21, 2007

Happy Holidays!

Hmmm, so it’s occurred to me that I should write a little something today before we all drop off the face of the earth for the next week or so (am I the ONLY person who’s planning on working next week?). Anyway, ummm, let’s try to keep this post controversy free okay (something I apparently suck at)? Good intentions everyone!

On my wish list for the holiday season:

Some sleeping late;
Some heavy drinking;
Copious eating of food made primarily of butter;
Relaxing cuddle time with my parents’ dog;
Relaxing cuddle time with my cat (not in the same room as the dog because…well, my cat has the disposition of her mother. In other words: She can get ornery – in her case this translates into tormenting the dog…to be clear, I don’t torment the dog; even I’m not that horrible);
Some bonding time with my sister (who, sadly, is back together with her boyfriend)…yeah;
Some bonding time with my parents;
Getting a handle on the No Presents for Anyone Yet thing BEFORE Christmas day and WITHOUT too much stress (ed. note: This is a pipe dream);
Catching up with some friends back home in the 2 days I’m going to be there (ed. note: This probably won’t happen either, but I can hope);
Going to see the movie Juno with John – we hadn’t spoken in a while and just caught up on the phone like a week ago – I’m excited to see both him and the film;
More heavy drinking;
Having a few days in the office without meetings next week – score!;
Baking – I’ve been jonesing to get my Martha Stewart on, and the huge kitchen at my parents’ house is the perfect place to do it. (Vote: Are we thinking the classic sugar cookie or something else?);
Receiving my annual present of a Yankee Ticket Plan from my siblings (since I don’t get the actual tickets for another couple of months, I always get a really poorly written poem from my sister on Christmas morning – so I have something to open. I can’t wait, it’s always a REALLY bad poem!);
Receiving my annual Starbucks gift card in my stocking – coffee is NEVER a bad present;
Seeing the looks on my family members’ faces when they open the gifts I gave them…assuming I ever get off my lazy ass and actually get them something. Fuck!;
Trying on my skinny jeans next weekend and realizing they’re REALLY fucking tight and that I need to cut back on the eating of pure crap…wait, this a wish list, so…um…NOT trying on my skinny jeans next weekend and realizing…;
Yet more heavy drinking;
Just seeing everyone that I love and assuring myself that they’re healthy and happy.

What is everyone else looking forward to/wishing for? No really, I want to hear. I care. I do. Ummm…promise.

Happy holidays everyone!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

A Little of This, A Little of That

I kind of want to start out by saying that I am not nearly as cranky/angry as I’ve been sounding lately. Honestly.

Good, now that that's out of the way...

-Hmmm, Britney Spears’ 16-year-old sister is pregnant. Everyone is SHOCKED! Shocked I tell you! I mean sure, this kid grew up in the Spears family (great parenting at work there), and, according to Perez Hilton, was living with her boyfriend at the tender age of 16, but still, how could ANYONE see this coming?! I just don’t understand HOW this could have happened!

-File this one under too much information: Have you ever thought your period was over – you know, because you stopped bleeding for over a 24 hour period of time – and then…surprise! It’s not. And you’ve ruined a perfectly good pair of panties AND jeans. Hmmm? Oh…right, most of my readers are male. Ummm…sorry about that.

-So I’m going brunette – yes, I know I’ve said this kind of shit before, but this time I mean it. I spoke to a colorist at my salon yesterday and have an appointment for Saturday. I’m thinking a nice, chocolate brown color; kind of wintry, should set off my pale skin well, and best of all it will be DIFFERENT. I need a change. Don’t worry though – you can still call me Redhead.

-A minor ripping on a blogger that I will not name (I’m going to try to avoid upsetting anyone in particular today – I’m finding some people are REALLY sensitive when I openly disagree with them…it might have something to do with my charming personality): So there’s this blog I used to read (off and on) until recently. Why did I stop reading you ask? Well, that one’s pretty easy to answer – it’s because of the writer. He’s…well, he’s pretty much a pussy. And it was pissing me off. A lot.

Let me explain… So about a week ago I’m reading this dude’s latest post – which was almost exactly like ALL of his posts – when it hit me. I can’t stand this guy! All he writes about is his ex-girlfriend. Someone he broke up with like a year ago! Dude, get over it. I understand that she was the love of your life. I understand that you two dated for a really long time. I understand that you’re a sensitive guy. But still…SHUT UP!

There has to be a cut-off point where you’re simply not allowed to talk about your ex anymore. Sure, if they come up in conversation or you have a pertinent story about them (like with anyone else) go ahead, I’m not going to begrudge you that. But otherwise…STOP IT! No one else cares, it makes you look pathetic, and it’s annoying as all hell! Let it go. I dated a guy for 4 years, we broke up, I talked about him afterwards (he was a large part of my life for a long time), but then I stopped. Because I saw the looks on other people’s faces when I mentioned him. And I felt like an asshole for bringing him up so much.

That was roughly 4 months after the breakup.

So, Random Blogger that I Will Not Name, give it up. Complete strangers on the Internet think you’re sad, I can’t imagine what your friends are going through (and no matter what they’re telling you, they want/need you to let it go). Thanks (and yes, I know I’m a bitch).

-The only people that I have Christmas gifts for are my nephews – I’m so fucked. Does anyone have any ideas? I can probably handle my mom and sister, but my dad and brother/sister-in-law (those two get a joint gift) are killing me. Please help.

-I’ve had a runny nose for like 5 days now, and when I cough little globs of phlegm come up. Should I be concerned?

-So what do you guys think of Tony Parker and Eva Longoria? I say he cheated. You?

-If you were going to name your pet after a Greek God, which one would it be and why?

Yup, I think that’s enough – the cold seems to have mellowed out a bit in NY today, so I’m running out for some soup and a hot chocolate. Happy Wednesday everyone!

Monday, December 17, 2007

Thoughts on Theater and…Stuff

So my weekend didn’t get off to the most auspicious start – “Hi Redhead, I just wanted to call and tell you that your mother’s in the hospital…no, no, everything’s fine…no, no, don’t come home.” Yeah, I don’t actually want to get too into it, but let me just say that is not how I EVER want to begin a conversation.

Anyway, after that the rest of the weekend was a blur – thanks to the cold from hell and some fairly interesting over the counter drugs – but I will say that spending three days with a low-grade headache totally SUCKS. Hmmm, what else?

Oh yeah, so I went to the theater yesterday – saw Spring Awakening. Some thoughts: The music was pretty good, the acting was pretty bad, the script was terrible (it was like one long conversation where all you could think was ‘Too Much Information! Too Much Information!’) and…holy shit! This show won the Tony? Seriously? But…how? Why?

I seriously turned to my friend during intermission and said, ‘So, are there any issues that they HAVEN’T touched on yet?’ (I’m not kidding, this show was like a Lifetime movie…on crack.) My friend’s response, ‘I don’t think so…ooh, wait – they haven’t dealt with homosexuality!’

Then the second act started. Homosexuality – check.

(I would actually like to take this opportunity to thank the bar that my friend and I stopped at before the show – those two bloody mary’s totally made that whiny mess of a play marginally bearable.)

As for the graphic nature of the show…eh. The masturbation song was kind of funny, the guy/girl sex wasn’t as hot as I had hoped (although the guy had a pretty nice ass), and the guy-on-guy action…well, that was probably the highlight of the show, but man…those characters would NOT shut UP.

Alright, back to my Zicam, Cold-Eeze, and DayQuil – I’m assuming everyone else’s weekend was cool. No, no, seriously – don’t tell me if it wasn’t; I’m done listening to other people’s problems (that play filled my quota for the week). Thanks though.

Friday, December 14, 2007


Well…I just don’t have it in me today guys. Sorry. I know you all deserve a mildly offensive post from me (that some of you will blow WAY out of proportion – just teasing guys…love you…put down the pitchforks!) to end the week, but I just can’t do it today. I’m sick (my head feels like it weighs about 300 pounds, my nose is leaking, my eyes are watering, and I look…hideous), I’m tired (I barely made it to my 2nd office party of the week last night – seriously, I didn’t get there until 8 and NO ONE noticed or cared; damn I’m popular), my coffee leaked ALL OVER ME this morning (damn Starbucks lids), and I have a meeting in about 5 minutes with someone who always sends me really effusive emails…I don’t know what that signifies, but I’m pretty sure I don’t have the energy for it right now.

So…unless someone comes up with an idea for a post that I can write in between meetings today, have a good weekend – I’m going to see a play on Sunday where apparently people have sex and masturbate onstage. Woo hoo!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

A Quick Comment

A thought on the Mitchell report: My main observation after a quick scan of the Mitchell report – besides a sort of overwhelming feeling of disappointment (but not surprise) concerning some Yankees players – was that there really isn’t one current Red Sox player in there.

Mitchell was (and will be again) director of the front office for the Boston Red Sox. As The Big Lead said, ‘that’s not really a question, more of a statement.’

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I Must NOT Get Drunk

Hey, so it’s my company Holiday Party tonight – actually tonight’s party is just for executives, tomorrow there’s another party for everyone (agh, so much alcohol, so little time!) – anyway, tomorrow’s party is neither here nor there, my point is tonight’s party is making me a little worried. Because people have been telling me stories, of past parties, and the behavior that has come out of them, and the alcohol that flows, and…I think I may be in trouble. Let’s dissect this, shall we?

My last company’s Holiday Party – held AT THE OFFICE, shitty open bar, hors d'oeuvres set up on a few tables, started around 5 (in other words, everyone just wore work clothes), went on for a couple hours, home by 8:30.

My new company’s Holiday Party – held at a hotel uptown (in the Penthouse), apparently first rate bar, this one starts around 7 (everyone who goes changes into cocktail dresses/nice suits – I have my Audrey Hepburn style little black dress ready to go), has a cocktail hour until 8, speeches until 9, and dinner and ‘celebration’ until midnight.

According to my coworkers, things get a little wild at this shindig. I am to expect 1) not to get home until around 2 or 3 in the morning (apparently), 2) to get VERY drunk, 3) to be much amused by whatever theme the party planners have chosen this year, and 4) to see and/or hear many things that will ultimately end up in the pantheon of great/embarrassing company Holiday Party stories (stories that will promptly be relayed to EVERYONE at TOMORROW’S party).

I cannot end up being one of those stories.

So, my game plan is…shit, I have no game plan. Obviously I will try not to overindulge, but it will be hard since everyone else apparently will be (much like at the holiday lunch last week, where I got…well, kind of drunk; but not embarrassingly so).

Do you guys realize that I’m going to be all dressed up, at an open bar, surrounded by my coworkers (all of whom are talking about how drunk they’re planning to get), with the owners of my company nearby (pretty conservative guys), and…

No biggie. I can avoid embarrassment. I know I can. It’s not hard – people do it every day. I just need to pace myself. And eat something first. And not see any men who look good to me. And relax and be charming. And professional. But still fun. And well-spoken. So no slurred speech.

Fuck, I’m so screwed guys.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Houston, We Have a Problem

Hypothetical question: Are there some things that you simply can’t say, even to your best friend? Can one conversation effectively end a decade-long friendship? I’m not talking about a romantic relationship here (obviously one conversation can end those), I’m talking a close friendship.

Oh, and how much time should you allow yourself (assuming you’re the angry party) to cool off before making this decision? Ummm...that's it.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Super Quick Recap

OK, I don’t have the time to give you the long version of my singles party experience, so instead you’re going to get the super short, not even remotely grammatically correct version. Andddd…go:

Went to the party with Christine (who was in a surprisingly good mood – it may have been because both of us were fairly drunk before we got there), and we were pleasantly surprised to find that it was being held in a pretty nice bar actually. As for the men though, they were…eh.

However we persevered, chatting up some boys when the occasion called for it – still, I’ll admit we mostly chilled with each other (what can I say – I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend anyway!). Still, I got my act together fast when I spotted the HOTTIE. (Seriously, this guy was/is so good looking that he deserves all caps.)

Anyway, Christine gave me a shove, I kind of fell into him (great opening, huh?), and we started talking. And it went well – he was charming, and GORGEOUS, and funny, and BEAUTIFUL (I’m sorry, I know I’m practically drooling on you guys as I tell this story, but he really was so impressive it was shocking), and everything was going great. In other words, something really bad was going to have to happen for this guy not to end up getting my number.

Enter: Something bad.

So about 45 minutes into our conversation, one of Stud Guy’s (very drunk) friends comes up to us…and drops a bombshell. It went a little something like this – ‘Hey, why are you talking to him? He shouldn’t even technically be here since he has a girlfriend…oh wait, she’s out of town this weekend. Carry on!’ And with that Drunk Friend walked away.

Christine, who had been chatting with a guy nearby, almost collapsed she was laughing so hard (good friend), Stud Guy, well, he just looked embarrassed, and I…hmmm, I’m pretty sure I didn’t look happy (but I did finish the drink he’d bought me – waste not, want not).

Pretty soon thereafter Christine and I left – in hindsight, I should have spent more time chatting up the cutie at the bar from the beginning of the party. But…I’m a moron.

So that’s my story – boring, disappointing, annoying, blah, blah, blah. Still, let’s have a quick recap of my thoughts: Congratulations Stud Guy! Rarely can men still surprise me, but every once in a while it does happen; your coming to a singles party while your girlfriend was out of town (and trying to pick me up) – that took even me by surprise. Not only did I not see that coming, but I’m willing to bet that your girlfriend didn’t see that coming either. Just…the height of sleaze. Good looking sleaze, but still…sleaze.

How was everyone else’s weekend?

Thursday, December 6, 2007

I Hate Coming Up with Titles

A little bit of randomness:

-I’ve had a looonnngggg day. A quick overview:

9am: Sit down at my desk with coffee, begin to go through my emails.

9:30am: Not finished with my emails, but I need to go to a meeting.

10:30am: End my first meeting, andddd…go into another one.

11:30am: End THAT meeting, andddd…go into another one.

12:30pm: Ah, a break – go back to my desk to check emails and listen to my voicemails. Agh, wait…I REALLY have to pee.

1pm: Shit, I have another meeting.

3:05pm: Longest…meeting…ever. Still, now I can…fuck, I’m late for a meeting.

4:30pm: Please let that be it, I can’t take one more…what’s that, Boss? You want to recap my day? Sure, why the fuck not? It’s not like I’m STARVING or anything.

5:15pm: Alright, NOW I can finally finish checking my emails from yesterday.

7pm: Ahhh, blessed alcohol.

-Went to the theater last night and had a really good time (I actually like theater – assuming the show I’m seeing doesn’t suck – but I never seem to find the time to go; still, somehow - thanks to a weird confluence of events - I’m going to like 4 shows in the next three weeks). Anyway, none of that was pertinent in any way, but…wait, where was I? Oh yeah, went to the theater last night for a ‘friend’s’ office Christmas thing (tis the season). They had a whole cocktail hour (wait, two actually) at a bar beforehand – and open bars are always appreciated – and then we all went out for some culture. Thumbs up to a solid night out.

-Not sure why, but Claire Danes came up twice yesterday (how random is that?). Boy do women hate her – the vitriol that was flying was amazing. My thoughts: She’s a fine actress, but when you date a man who has a girlfriend at home who's 8 months pregnant, you’re pretty much asking for everything bad thing in the world to happen to you. Or, at the very least, you’re going to be called the c-word (I didn’t say it mind you, but…yeah, I thought it).

-It’s fucking FREEZING in NY right now. I need to locate my hat and gloves ASAP, because the coat alone isn’t cutting it anymore.

-The Princess Bride is on tv right now – easily one of the top 5 movies of all time – this movie taps into my sense of humor in a way that very few things do. Therefore, the top quotes (for me at least) are going to be forced upon you below - you know, I can recite the entire movie by heart…hmmm, I wonder if those brain cells could have been put to better use? Nah:

Vizzini: When I found you, you were so slobbering drunk you couldn’t buy brandy!

Vizzini: Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed, in Greenland?

Vizzini: He didn’t fall? Inconceivable.
Inigo: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it!
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?

Inigo: I do not mean to pry, but you don’t by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?
Westley: Do you always begin conversations this way?

Vizzini: I can’t compete with you physically, and you’re no match for my brains.
Westley: You’re that smart?
Vizzini: Let me put it this way, have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
Westley: Yes.
Vizzini: Morons.

Buttercup: We’ll never survive.
Westley: Nonsense, you’re only saying that because no one ever has.

Humperdink: Surrender!
Westley: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.

Westley: What are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where’s Buttercup?
Inigo: Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

King: What was that for?
Buttercup: Because you have always been so kind to me, and I won’t be seeing you again since I’m killing myself once we reach the honeymoon suite.
King: Won’t that be nice. She kissed me!

(and the great one)

Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

OK, I’m going to stop torturing you guys now – sorry about the deluge of quotes but I fucking love that movie. Obviously I only really on touched on the best here (if you want to add any, feel free), but in the interest of time I’ll finish up by simply saying this: See The Princess Bride again, it’s that good (I refuse to believe there’s anyone out there who has NEVER seen this movie).

Have a great weekend everyone!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Just Because I’m a Pain in the A*s

So I’m going to another singles party on Friday night, and before you ask:

1) Yes, I’m still on my ‘I’m not dating’ kick right now;

2) No, I don’t want to go;

3) The reason I’m going is because my sister-in-law sent me the invite (her friends are organizing it), and I’m pretty sure my mother put her up to it (and will know if I don’t go);

4) Yes, I’m huge wimp and will torture myself for a night in order to avoid being badgered by my mother (shut up);

5) I’m figuring it won’t be too painful when all is said and done because a) I already have plans for earlier on Friday night so…well, I’ll already be out, and b) my earlier plans involve drinking, so I imagine by the time I make it to the singles party I’ll be pretty buzzed (which, let’s be honest, can make most things tolerable).

Anyway, in the spirit of trying to make peace for yesterday (or, possibly, me just having nothing else to write about today), I figured you guys could help me come up with a point system for all the men I meet on Friday. You give me the guidelines – things they can say or do that will give/take away points – and (assuming the ideas aren’t complete crap), I’ll promise to follow them. That means that if I meet a guy who reaches a predetermined number of points, whether I personally like him or not, I will promise to go out with him in the future. On at least one date.

So there you have it dear readers, I am actually giving you some modicum of control over my life (and I may just end up regretting it). Anyway, have at it. I only have about 4 meetings today (thank God), and then I’m going to the theater tonight (yay, cocktails and theater!), so I will be checking in intermittently to see/comment on your suggestions.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Short Thoughts – I Have A Long Day Ahead of Me

(Note before I begin: I’m a little cranky today – don’t know why. You might detect some of this surliness in my writing. Live with it.)

So I had some time to kill yesterday, and I ended up at a blog that I’d never read before. However, as it turned out, the actual post I ended up reading was written by Yes, I’ll Have Another (who comments here from time to time). Anyway, I read what he wrote. And I had some thoughts – some strong thoughts. Unfortunately (or fortunately considering my mood), I have like 12 meetings today, so I don’t really have time to tear him limb from limb over his presumptuous and annoying Male Point System (or whatever the hell that post was).

Still, let me cover three main points before I run off to my first meeting of the day (why is this asshole 20 minutes early? It’s rude to show up late for a meeting AND it’s rude to show up obscenely early! Don’t these people know anything!). Deep breaths…okay:

1) Any man who truly believes that the woman he’s with is trying to score ‘points’ with him is delusional – it’s the other way around bucko (it’s your job to impress her). Having said that, if you want to date a chick who will embarrass herself to get another date with you, be my guest (just don’t mind the fact that everyone you know will be laughing at you two behind your back). So if it makes you feel cooler to judge a chick by the drinks she orders or whether she’s willing to go down on you while you’re drinking a beer, all the more power to you. But if I ever date a guy who I think for one minute is tallying up every little thing I do, well…let’s just say that’s not the guy who will ever be earning (or deserving of) the much talked about and sought after Impromptu Blow Job.

2) For every guy out there who is psyched when his girl buys him a lapdance – good luck. You just keep telling yourself she’s a keeper (I’m sure she’s trying to convince herself the same thing about you).

3) '+1,000 for every dinner she cooks that actually tastes delicious'? Gentlemen (and ladies), if you’re with someone who actually put the effort into making you a meal, THAT’S worth 1,000 points. I’ve choked down a lot of crappy home cooked meals in my time, and I appreciated EVERY SINGLE ONE. So get off your fucking high horse, if you want a great homemade meal, make it yourself. (I’m assuming if you’re going to pass judgment on someone else’s cooking you must be able to do better – right?)

Oh, and I’m not even touching the points for anal. What is with all the jackasses out there today? Who ever told men that women just want to settle down – and that any guy will do? And how did this false impression of women as desperate translate into every man suddenly thinking that HE was the answer to our prayers? What the fucking hell?

Alright, I’m done venting for the day. Thoughts? Anyone?

Sunday, December 2, 2007

I Hate Harry

Harry, you son of a bitch, I can’t believe you tagged me! What is this, the second time in two weeks that this has happened to me? People!!! I have a life here (shut up – I do). Well, since I think I may have been the one to tag Harry last time, I’m going to be nice and let him off with a warning.

OK, here are the rules:

1) Put you iTunes/music player on Shuffle.
Redhead note: I don’t even think I know how to do that, hang on…
2) For each question, press the next button to get the answer.
Redhead note: This is sounding more and more like a bad game of Mad Libs - shit.
3) YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT (this is in capital letters, so it is very serious. No hiding you showtunes folks!)
Redhead note: OKAY!

After you’ve answered all of the questions, tap 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!
Redhead note: Fat chance! (I’m ending this right here – no more contributing to the madness.)

And away we go…

2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover – Simon & Garfunkel (ed. note: Ha!)
3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? Caress Me Down – Sublime (ed note: This is actually kind of funny.)
4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Sabotage – Beastie Boys
5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE? Comfortably Numb – Pink Floyd
6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? Three Is a Magic Number – Blind Melon
7) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Livin’ on a Prayer – Bon Jovi
8) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS? Here I Go Again -- Whitesnake
9) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? Cocaine – Eric Clapton (ed. note: Ummm...)
10) WHAT IS 2+2? Epic – Faith No More
11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? She Hates Me – Puddle of Mudd
13) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? The Joker – Steve Miller Band
15) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Where Did You Sleep Last Night? – Nirvana
16) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Wild World – Cat Stevens
17) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? Let’s Get it On – Marvin Gaye (ed note: a) God I hope not, and b) how weird are some of these answers?)
18) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Smoke on the Water – Deep Purple
19) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? Magic Carpet Ride – Steppenwolf
20) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Who’ll Stop the Rain – Creedence Clearwater Revival

Hmmm, actually, some of those answers totally made sense. Strange. Some really didn’t though (I swear!). OK, I’m not passing this on to anyone, but if any of you guys wants to give this a shot, throw your versions up wherever and feel free to link to them here.