Wednesday, October 31, 2007

This Licks

Are you kidding me? So there I was, working on a post where I told all of you the story of how I lost my virginity, and then I got tagged!


Yeah, that’s what I wondered too, UNTIL I wandered over to Bella’s blog (she’s the tagger – I’m the taggee) and read the rules. So here we go (for those uncool cats who aren’t in the know – much like I wasn’t – here’s the premise):

The rules of the game:

A) Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog. (Redhead note: Done and done.)

B) Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself. (Redhead note: Isn’t that what I do every day around here?)

C) Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs. (Redhead note: Ah shit – everyone I know that reads and comments on this blog is already getting tagged. What is this, a race?)

D) Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. (Redhead note: MORE work for me to do – this bites the big one.)

So here goes, 7 things…

1) I have written a romance novel in my lifetime. Yes, you read that correctly – I wrote one.

2) I have had a one-night stand before. In other words, I slept with a guy whose very existence I had been unaware of just 24 hours before bedding him. And after the night was over I never saw him again (although weirdly – doesn’t he know the rules? – he did call me). No, I’m not proud of any of this, it was clearly not my finest moment, BUT I don’t regret it. (Still, I would like to point out that this was a one-time thing – I’m not normally that easy.)

3) Ever since my nephews were born my biological clock has been ticking. SHUT UP – I don’t want to talk about it.

4) Discounting family, I’ve never been in love.

5) Dates (the fruit not the kind that show up on a calendar) make me sick. Literally.

6) I was so shy while growing up that I couldn’t even call and order a pizza until I was a senior in high school – something about not wanting to talk to someone I didn’t know on the phone. Yes, I realize how fucked up that is. And yes, it is amazing how much I’ve changed since then.

7) I hate thong underwear. I know pantylines are passé, I know thongs are sexy, and I know everyone else wears them, but I HATE them. They’re uncomfortable and the idea of them creeps me out. So there. (Um…having said that – I do own a few pairs and have been known to wear them when necessary. The lesson here: My righteous indignation only goes so far.)

And now for my tagging – sorry guys: mcbias (that hiatus is going to have to wait buddy), jack, danny, dotm, rs27, harry, and kat.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Let’s Talk Random...Again

-I MAY have inadvertently flirted with a guy from work on Friday night. You see, I went out for drinks with a few people from the office after work on Friday (before running home to change for my Halloween party), and… I don’t know – I found myself walking to the subway with this guy from the office. And he was cute, I’d had a couple of cocktails, and I was in a generally good mood (thanks to the fact that I’d lived through my first week). So I was chatty. And MAYBE a little touchy-feely. I don’t know. Anyway long story short, he was practically stalking me in the office today. Shit.

-So it turns out that my assistant had quit (note: BEFORE I ever started work) because she got into a fight with my boss (it’s amazing the things that come out after a few drinks). My thoughts on the whole thing: I don’t really care. I mean, I care that I now have to spend time interviewing someone new during my first few weeks on the job, but I don’t care that my boss inspired someone to quit. Why? Well, because I got the story out of the girl (my ex-assistant), and it really didn’t sound like that big of a deal – sounded to me like the assistant overreacted actually. After all, who doesn’t get into it every once in a while at the office with someone? And how sensitive do you have to be to quit over one fight? I’d understand it if it was a regular occurrence, but what the fuck? ONE fight? Isn’t that par for the course? I don’t know, you guys tell me – am I looking at this the wrong way? Was the last place I worked such a war zone that nothing shocks me anymore? Is one fight with the boss really that big of a deal?

-It’s fucking cold in New York City today. I love it.

-I don’t want to talk about the Red Sox, I don’t want to talk about A-Rod (what a douche – could his timing have been more inappropriate?), and I don’t want to talk about the Halloween party (let’s just say I attended with Christine – yeah, exactly).

-My sister got back together with her asshole ex-boyfriend and has told everyone except me – according to my mother she’s afraid of what I’ll say. Am I scary? Wait, don’t answer that. My game plan right now is to badmouth him every chance I get until she either a) breaks down and tells me or b) breaks up with him (out of shame). Good plan?

-Simon and Garfunkel Live in Central Park – this is my new iPod addition. It’s good shit.

-Someone mentioned one of my ex-boyfriends over the weekend and it got me thinking about him. My top five thoughts concerning him were: 1) He introduced me to Sublime, so that’s good. 2) He was always late and to this day I will dump a guy if he makes me wait for him – that’s both good and bad. 3) He flew halfway across the country to see me when I told him during a phone conversation that I never wanted to speak to him again, and when he got here I refused to see him – that was funny. 4) His mother kept in touch with me for a year after we broke up – that means I’m lovable. 5) He is now married to a stripper and is living in some bumblefuck town in Georgia – that shows I have TERRIBLE taste in men.

-So I’ve decided to go back to my non-dating stance from before I was fired. As it turns out I don’t need a sugar daddy – I have a ton of severance left over and my new job is paying me WAY more than my old job. This means I now have the freedom to take a step back and actually try to figure out what I want from the men in my life. So far I don’t have much – any thoughts out there?

-Hey, you guys never told me how you felt about Redhead’s Book Club (besides McBias – yes, I know you didn’t like it McB). What was the final call on that? Because I’ve got another whopper.

Speaking of which, I’m giving you guys control over my next post; do you want a) a book club entry, b) the story of the time I let my sister cut my hair, or c) the story of how the song Girl, You’ll Be a Woman Soon mirrored my life (yes, the story is about what you might think it is). You guys vote and get back to me.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


A quick story:

So I walked into my apartment last night after another long day at work – iPod headphones on, music blasting (couldn’t hear a thing) – completely oblivious to the world. I unlocked the door, walked into my apartment, turned the lights on, and spotted my cat lying in the middle of the kitchen.

“Hey babe,” I said (out loud – shut up, don’t judge me).

“How was your day?” (Also out loud.)

“Mine was neverending. Mommy’s tired!” (I said SHUT UP.)

So, there I was talking to my cat (a not unusual occurrence), while I went about my ‘just got home’ routine. This included: Dropping my purse on the kitchen table, bending over and scratching my kitty’s tummy, opening my refrigerator and grabbing a bottle of water, and beginning to undress to change into something more comfortable.

Keep in mind my headphones were still on up until I pulled my sweater over my head (which was the first piece of clothing that I removed). Are you with me so far? Okay.

Anyway, there I was walking through my kitchen – headphones dangling to the floor since my iPod was still in my pocket, pants and shoes still on, sweater balled up in my hand, and a bra serving as my only covering from the hips on up.

That is how I walked into my bedroom.

And THAT is how I looked when I came face to face with my super.

How would I describe both of our faces? Deer caught in headlights seems like an accurate description. It was…awkward (to say the least).

Long story short – I quickly covered myself (as best I could) with my balled up sweater and learned that the apartment above mine had a pipe burst in the bathroom. My super came by to see if any water had leaked down into my bathroom. And he had been inspecting said bathroom when I came home from work (oblivious to the world). Needless to say, I surprised him (and myself). Thanks to a) my headphones, and b) my general cluelessness, I didn’t realize I wasn’t alone until it was too late.

The end.

P.S. It’s a good thing I was wearing a normal bra and not one of my lacy, see-through numbers.

P.P.S. Looks like things are going to be a little awkward between me and the super for a while.

P.P.P.S. I’m a freaking idiot.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Why Do We Work Again?

So…tired. First day back at work went on forever. Can’t function. Have a meeting tomorrow that is scheduled to go from 11 to 5. Yes, you read that right – a six hour meeting. Fuck, this working thing is for the birds.

Some other thoughts from my first day back in the land of the employed – I haven’t checked to see if I can blog at work but will let you know if I get fired for trying; they got me flowers for my first day – I rock; they took me out for lunch at a restaurant I’ve always wanted to go to – I still rock; my assistant apparently gave her notice last week – that sucks and is going to make my life more difficult; the ladies room near my office has baskets full of feminine products, lotions, and towels – that was actually a nice surprise; and my cat puked on my favorite chair while I was at work today – yup, I’d say she’s pretty pissed.

Apparently I get life insurance with my new job – I’m not sure why, but for some reason the thought that my family will get something if I die made me feel like I’d accomplished something with my life. Is that weird?

Christine texted me 5 times today while I was at work. I texted her back once. When I got home.

My assistant – you know, the one who’s leaving at the end of the week and is already giving me a headache – is a Red Sox fan. Enough said.

I have a nice table in the corner of my office for meeting with people. The problem: There are no chairs at the table. The suggestion that was given to me today: Go to someone else’s office when they’re not there and steal their chairs. How popular do you think that would make me? Yeah, that’s what I thought too. I’m pretty sure if I send one email to Facilities every day for the next six months, I will eventually get my own furniture in a more legal way. Or not.

I didn’t see any super cute guys today. That’s probably a good thing. The last thing I need is the complication of wanting a man that I work with. Still…a little eye candy would have been nice.

Ugh. Sorry guys, I don’t have the energy to write more now. I’ll try to throw something else up tomorrow. In the meantime…I don’t know: Something profound, blah, blah, blah.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Um…So I Should Write Something

I’m sitting here, contemplating showering and getting dressed while watching The Princess Bride (GREAT movie), and it’s occurred to me that I should throw up a post for you guys. Sooo…yeah. What to write about?

-My cat’s going to be PISSED when I leave for work next week. I’m expecting mass destruction in the Apartment de la Redhead come Monday.

-My older nephew has recently found that my younger nephew annoys him. He has dealt with this realization by hitting and kicking his 8 month old brother as a way of ‘expressing’ himself. Naturally, his father – my brother – is horrified by this. He is concerned that his son may not be as perfect as we had all assumed. My take on it – welcome to having a sibling. Hey bro, remember that time you grabbed me by the ankles and proceeded to walk up the stairs, banging me head on each step along the way? Exactly – calm down, siblings fight. Now having said that…um, try not to leave the two of them alone together for the next couple of years. Just in case.

-Christine’s out! She moved into her new place yesterday, and let me tell you it’s a good thing she did. As my mother said when I called her ranting a couple of days ago, it seems I’ve reached my limit. We were about 2 days away from a possible friendship ending fight. So cool – now I just have to avoid her for the next month (I need some serious time off to decompress).

-What do I want to be for Halloween? I have a big party that I’m going to, and I can’t figure out what to dress up as. I’m normally a half-assed costume wearer, ie. I throw on jeans and a top, then place some cat ears on my head to appease everyone. BUT, since this party is costume mandatory and I’m in need of a new boy, I feel like I have to put forth some effort this year. The problem is, most women’s costumes are, well…slutty. And I’m not into the whole obvious desperation/trying too hard thing. At the same time, I want to look attractive. End result: I have NO ideas. Help me?

-Hold on – I have to run out and get a Red Bull and a coffee. Be right back.

Ahhhh, so much better. Where was I?

-So I made an appointment at my salon for tomorrow – I’m getting highlights! That’s right, I have all this money leftover from my severance, and I’ve decided to use just a little bit of it to pamper myself. And that means Redhead’s red head is getting a bit lighter. I’m very excited.

-Does Starbucks have to put so much ice in their iced drinks? Jesus, I just spent $4 on a cup of ice and a splash of coffee. The worse part is I’ll do the same thing tomorrow.

-How ‘bout them Rockies? Damn, I’m actually getting into the postseason without the Yankees being there (a miracle).

-Did you guys read that Post piece about Jeter? I laughed my ass off at that one.

Alright, I need to go shopping guys – which means I need to cleanse. Talk to you later.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Time to Celebrate

Let’s pop the champagne boys and girls, Redhead is employed again! Yes, I got the call on Friday – the job I was waiting to hear back from, the one I really wanted, the one which guarantees international travel for a company I’ve heard nothing but good things about – called me on Friday to make an offer. The money is great (significantly higher than my last job), the office is in a beautiful area of the city, and I am THRILLED! So…yeah. I’m giving them a call back in a little bit to finalize the details, but I thought I’d share.

Some other good news – Christine found an apartment. Well, she found a room. In Harlem. I may never go visit her in her new digs, but it’s still exceptional news, so yay. (I haven’t told her about my job yet – I figured I’d make the weekend her celebration and break my news this week. Good plan?)

Anyway, I thought I’d come back later with a story or two, but for now I wanted to share. Yes, I’m like a hyper child right now; feel free to mock and torture me today, I won’t care! Hope everyone else’s weekend was awesome! Have any good stories?

Thursday, October 11, 2007

I Totally Suck

I know, I know, I know – I suck. I haven’t posted in…I don’t know, a while, and I haven’t even been going online and commenting on other blogs. Long story short, life came up; for everyone who sent me emails telling me to get off my lazy ass and post – fuck you, and for all of those people who expressed real concern that I was dead or something – you’re all awesome, and I wish my excuses were that good. So…where to begin…

-The Yankees lost, they broke my heart, and I will say right now that I have NO sense of humor about it (I was at the game on Monday). So if you want to give me a hard time, do so at your own peril. I will not think it’s cute that you’re ripping on my team no matter how cleverly you’re doing it; I actually dumped a guy not two days ago for doing that exact thing, and I haven’t had a moments regret over it.

-Finally broke things off with the Irish Bartender and promptly started dating a lawyer who seemed great – ie. all the expected attributes: cute, tall, intelligent, blah, blah, blah. Then he gave me the twin punch of making fun of my college football team (fucking Badgers) and my baseball team (fucking Yankees) in one conversation. I ended things right there. Yes, I’m that big a bitch.

-I now have no doubt that Con Edison is fucking with me – Christine actually asked me yesterday if I’d ever dated and dumped someone who worked there, because that was the only reason for the last year of my life. Let me explain:

Around January last year I got a HUGE bill from Con Ed – we’re talking $800 here. Now, I live in a little apartment in NYC, my heat is paid for by my building, I pay my bills on time every month, and I don’t have jack shit in my apartment that would even come close to using large amounts of energy.

Important note: For all of you unsuspecting souls out there, a bit of advice – you should check the bottom of your bills to see if there is a teeny, tiny EST note. That’s all is says, EST; there is no further explanation. What that means is that your bill is an estimate, it is NOT a real number from a real reading. What your gas and electric company is trying to tell you (as inconspicuously as possible) is that they found something while doing your reading that didn’t make any sense. So they are simply billing you a normal amount for the month while keeping an eye on things. (Another note: They are not trying to figure out what has gone wrong, they are simply watching. Closely. While fucking you over.) If this “weird” pattern of, say, high power usage continues, they will then simply charge you the difference for the past however many months that you have been paying an estimate; they will do this all at once. Now keep in mind, if you by chance didn’t notice the EST sign, no one at your gas and electric company has made you aware of it or contacted you in any way to help you try to fix it. They have simply kept an eye on things and then sprung the whole shitstorm on you after, oh I don’t know, four months has gone by. And trust me, when you do get that aforementioned huge bill, you are going to feel fucked over. You are going to rant and rage that no one made you aware of the problem sooner so you could, I don’t know, SAVE YOURSELF SOME MONEY. And you are going to find yourself even more pissed off when you learn that no one you speak to at the company cares that you’re upset, since technically they were under no legal obligation to do anything beyond put that little EST note at the bottom of your bill – which they did. But I digress…

So, after many conversations with and visits from Con Ed (which lasted a couple more months while my bill continued to rise), it was determined that I didn’t have a massive energy sucking THING in my apartment, per se. In fact they couldn’t figure out what the problem was (there was no evidence of anyone stealing energy or anything like that). Finally in a last ditch effort, Con Ed suggested that maybe I should have my super replace my refrigerator “just in case.” We did, the bills went down again, and I ended up just paying the (at that point) over $1000 that I owed Con Ed (even though I rent my apartment and my rental company should have covered it since it was their refrigerator – something about them not actually finding anything “wrong” with the old one, me not wanting to start a huge fight, them giving me a good deal on this year’s rent, etc. etc.).

Anyway, so I was at home yesterday, minding my own business, when the apartment goes dark. TV goes off, lights go out, refrigerator turns off, etc. So I call Con Ed – was it a power outage I ask? No, they answer, but let them check…oh. Oops. It seems that someone else in my apartment building hadn’t paid their bill, and Con Ed came to shut off their power yesterday, only – wait for it – they fucked up and shut off the power in my apartment instead. They apologize, they’ll reimburse me for the day (yay $6, I’m going to party!), and they’ll send someone back out before 8pm (it’s 10am at the time of the call) to turn me back on.

It was a looonnnggg fucking day, let me tell you. I got my power back (finally!) at 5pm – I’d lost my laptop and phone to dead batteries hours before then – and my delight lasted for all of two minutes before I found that (drumroll please) when they cut the power, they completely blew out my cable box. I’m going to get a new one today. So…yeah – Con Ed hates me. I hate them. They have all the power (literally), and I will continue to let them kick my ass because I have no choice in the matter. The end.

-Have some things going on when it comes to jobs – will let you know more later. I will say that I had a 3 hour interview last week, and doing that to ANYONE is just cruel.

-How I’m going to live without my afternoon naps and Bob Ross’ The Joy of Painting once I go back to work is beyond me. Christine said it best two days ago: Redhead, just face it – you’ve become a cat.

-And now for the main reason I haven’t posted: Christine. Let me say before I begin that Christine is one of my best friends in the world, so keep the comments on her nice. Good, now that that’s out of the way, where to begin? Well, as many of you know she was fired right after I was laid off. Keep in mind, this was the second time this year she was fired, and neither time was it as nicely done as it was when I was let go. She then promptly got her purse stolen (which made going out difficult since she didn’t have a license or passport to prove her age), and the guy she had been seeing bailed on her. This all made her…fragile. My normally very stoic and not at all needy friend became needy. And emotional – all things that freak me out.

Then last week the shit hit the fan. As some of you may remember, Christine was in the process of moving a couple of months ago. Unfortunately, the places she wanted to move to weren’t going to be available for a couple of months – but that wasn’t a huge problem, right? Wrong. You see, in the meantime Christine got fired, and when the time came for her to move, the building she was moving into finally got around to calling her company to verify her employment. Yeah, you get where this is going – needless to say, they backed out. Then her psycho fundamentalist roommate started eviction proceedings on her. Then she found a place that said they would help her out – which was great until about 2 weeks ago when the landlord tried to behave…inappropriately toward her. When she didn’t respond in kind, he took the apartment back. The week before she was going to move in.

And that’s when Christine lost it. She completely lost it. Like I was worried about her mental well-being lost it. And for some reason, I was the only person she felt she could turn to. She completely cut off all communication with everyone except me, she essentially moved into my apartment (I don’t live with anyone for a reason), she cried nonstop, and she looked to me to, and I quote “run her life.”

I was suddenly expected to do everything for her. When she got an email that she had to respond to, I was to write out the response (she didn’t trust herself to communicate with others). When her friends and family started to panic when she wasn't responding to calls and emails, she simply texted them my phone number and asked me to tell them what was going on when they called. She couldn’t stand looking at apartment listings, so that fell to me as well. (Mind you, I’m trying to FIND A JOB right now – every time I go on an interview I have to sit through an hour of ‘why is no one calling me for interviews?’.)

This has been…

I don’t know guys. I know I joke around a lot here, but I honestly haven’t had it in me these past two weeks. I’m stressed out, and it’s not my life that’s making me feel this way. I’ve actually been escaping to my parents’ house in Jersey for overnighters just so I can get away from one of my best friends. That’s not normal.

Yes, I know that she’s being especially needy, and that everyone is allowed to fall apart once in a while. And I know that it’s how you respond during the tough times that prove one’s friendship. But…I just don’t know how much longer I can take this. I’ve always been a really solitary person. I seek out friends who give me space. And maybe…I don’t know, maybe I’m just not built for this. Maybe I’m just not cut out for really close friendships and the expectations that come with them. And the thought that any of what I just said may be true terrifies me. I feel like an awful person.

So there it is, the depressing truth – I’m a shit. I’ve been playing caretaker to a grown woman for almost two weeks now, and it seems like that’s my limit. For a family member I could see myself doing this for as long as it took, but for anyone else…You know what, I’m going to stop talking now. If this topic is bumming you out half as much as it’s bumming me out, I’m really, really sorry.

OK, shrug and deep cleansing breathes. What’s going on with you guys? Miss me?