Thursday, September 1, 2011

Life Lesson

My boss just emailed to say she isn’t going to make it into the office for our 11am meeting. This doesn't surprise me since she rarely makes it into the office before 11:30; she’s also 25 years old and not very bright. Yet she’s my boss and makes more money than I do, and do you want to know why? Because she slept with the right person (*cough* president of the company *cough*). I sleep with bartenders. So basically the only thing I can expect to get out of my sex is an orgasm, which is something I can give myself if necessary. Meanwhile she gets a large office, money, and a very nice title on her resume. So when you think about it, which one of us is really the stupid one?

Thursday, May 19, 2011


I’d fallen a little behind on reading Kurt Sutter’s blog (creator of the excellent and addictive Sons of Anarchy), so I only came across his “Hate/Love: Why I Am On Medication” post today. It’s awesome, and it made me start thinking about my own Hate/Love list, so…I stole the idea (although I am giving credit – I may be lazy, but at least I'm honest).

I hate stupid people.
I hate my job.
I hate looking for a new job.
I hate being the smartest person in the room.
I hate it when I don’t feel challenged.
I hate pity.
I hate rent.
I hate people who don’t keep promises.
I hate talking on the phone.
I hate almost everyone on the subway.
I hate snakes.
I hate dates (the fruit, not the activity).
I hate when I think of the perfect retort after a conversation is over.
I hate anyone or anything that fucks with my family.
I hate that I haven’t done anything significant with my life yet.

I love loyalty.
I love reading.
I love animals.
I love music.
I love scotch.
I love vodka.
I love cigarettes.
I love coffee.
I love vices.
I love people who take chances.
I love people who are smarter than I am.
I love winning an argument.
I love high heels.
I love my family.
I love writing.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Anyone Home?

I actually almost forgot the address for this site. Wow. So, anyway...let's just pretend it's not weird that I'm stopping by here after an extended break, okay? Great.

I had to share the following email with everyone - it's just so amazing. My sister forwarded it to me last night, and I could not stop laughing. I honestly loved almost every point made on it. With the exception of only one of two, each had me laughing and yelling out 'Oh my God, YES!'

So I'm sharing, because that's the kind of cool chick I am. Enjoy:

Adult Truths

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -- but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.