Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Fa La La La La

The holidays are tiring. I am going out EVERY NIGHT next week (and the week after that is looking a little crazy too). Is it too early to already want to spend a night in my pajamas doing nothing? Yup, I’m lazy.

Quick comment about the Tiger Woods thing (because of course I’m finding this fascinating): If Tiger’s wife did actually beat him up and take a golf club to his car for cheating…well that’s just fucking AWESOME! Way to not take it lying down, Elin! I’ve gone from indifference to legitimately liking her, purely on the basis of rumors. Nice work.

‘Tis the season. I’ve got three dates lined up in the next two weeks (nicely fit in around all the holiday parties). All with different guys, and all of the guys are suitably adorable. And every single one of them asked ME out. ‘Thank God,’ says my ego. (Yes, my ego talks now.)

How many pumpkin muffins is too many to eat in one day? 4? Not…um…not that I ate 4 pumpkin muffins on Sunday while I was hung over. Obviously. That would be a terrible idea; practically the same as just sitting there eating a stick of butter. It’s just that, you know, they come in 4-packs so I couldn’t just buy one. And they were going out of season so I wasn’t going to see new ones until next fall. It… Yeah, okay, I have no excuse.

Seriously, I think they’re trying to freeze us out of my office. I am sitting at my desk wearing my scarf and jacket. My assistant is wearing a scarf and like 3 sweaters. WTF? They haven’t gotten the temperature right in this place in like 2 months!

Something to think on (I’ll tell you why later): What is one thing that you think a person should do before ‘growing up’? There are no rules on this, but I want serious answers (assuming anyone reads this site anymore). OK, go.


Cobra said...

Now that Tiger has admitted to 'transgressions' I'm hoping for more comments from you regarding professional athletes and marriage, please.

In regards to, "What is one thing that you think a person should do before ‘growing up’?"

Break up someone else's marriage. That was on my 'things to do list' when I was younger. You can only do that before you grow up because you have the immaturity excuse. After you grow up you are just a heartless jerk for doing it and should be taken to the center of town and bludgeoned.

Alex said...

I don't know if you can answer the question of what you *should* do before growing up. I think Cobra's right that the only good excuse is immaturity, but then that only applies if you're not thinking critically about what you're doing. Once you've got that perspective of "hey, this is kinda stupid, but I'm gonna do it because I'm young", well then you're just rationalizing. So if you're gonna tell yourself that you should do "x" before growing up... it's too late.

Or am I overthinking it?

P.S. 4 muffins in one day is fine, so long as it's a once or twice a year thing.

P.P.S. The entire Tiger Woods thing annoys me, but then I'm the kind of person who wonders why anyone would give a fat damn about what celebrities do or think.

I think I may have officially become one of the old guys in the balcony on The Muppet Show.

TK said...

What is one thing that you think a person should do before ‘growing up’?

Hard drugs.

Oh, and Tiger Woods can jump up his own ass for all I care.

Bruce Paine said...

I am not entirely sure what growing up is and whether or not I need it. I think if Tiger was rooting some other broad (without permission) his wife's brothers/dad/uncles/mom should show up and break his hands with a mallet right after they mace him. I am all for breaking people up amidst engagement, it establishes some really necessary truths and serves both parties with a favor that prevents heartache down the road. Breaking somebody up after marriage means that you were doing something you shouldn't and you deserve a bit of a macing. If you are married and the fuckin you need aint the fuckin you're getting you better just fuckin work it out. It could all probably be sorted out if married couples performed more cunnilingus and fellatio. (As a side note, I just realized that cunnilingus appears to be genitive singular. That means, in the original latin, it is actually labeling the performer. The verb is Lingere (to lick) and the noun is Cunnus (whistling sound). It actually means "licker of the (whistle sound)". Funny)

Redhead said...

Note to everyone: I actually didn't explain well what I was looking for in the 'growing up' question; will clarify in my next post. It had nothing to do with Tiger or anything like that. It was more an idea of legitimate advice you would give to a kid, like 'make sure you read this book' or 'go to this place' or 'do this thing,' 'build a fort,' 'kiss the girl/boy' etc. It was just a discussion I was having with a friend that I really though was interesting, and I wanted more feedback/everyone else's ideas too. Hey, look at that - I explained it here instead!

cobra: Ooh, a post request - I can do that, but be forewarned that if won't be too far off from what paine says below.

alex: Does it matter to me what celebrities do? No, I have enough perspective to realize it doesn't affect me one way or the other. But do I find some stories interesting and follow them because it's good gossip? Yes, absolutely. Gossip is actually a natural human inclination (seriously, anthropologists have done studies on it), and I truly enjoy some stories. Sorry.

tk: I would say 'drugs' but not 'hard drugs' - then again, I'm a pussy.

paine: Oh my god, I think I agree with you on something - it's been a while since that's happened! Still, I'll write a little more on the Tiger topic tomorrow since I like to hear myself speak (metaphorically in this case). Oh, and the cunnilingus thing - interesting! Really. That's the kind of random information I really enjoy having in my head (the origin of the word part). Hot too.

Cobra said...

My post request is for professional athletes and marriage, not normal people. Huge difference. In other words, should a 'star' professional athlete get married under any reason?

My advice to kids has always been to run as fast as you can for as long as you can. Three reasons for that....1. kids love to run, 2. it wears them out and 3. if you could run like a kid does for your entire life, you would.