Wednesday, April 21, 2010

My Cat the C*ckblocker

My friend Linda actually gave my cat this moniker after I told her about a date I had last week. Long story short, I was going out with this dude and (as can happen) we ended up at my apartment. Things progressed to the bedroom, and sometime after clothes were removed we started to hear this ungodly sound – I would describe it as kind of a screechy yowling noise.

Choosing to ignore it, we continued on with our entertainment. And then, after about a half-hour of terrible sounds coming from my closet, my cat jumps up on the bed, gets in the dude’s face, and starts hissing. It was a mood killer to say the least.

After pushing her off the bed and attempting to make a joke about it, the dude and I focused and managed to finish what we started (or rather he did – men, by the age of 35 you should know how to give a woman an orgasm, I cannot stress that enough). Anyway, as we were laying around afterwards he sort of said something about the cat thing being a little weird (I wholeheartedly agreed), and at a loss of what else to say I made some comment about her never having reacted that way before (it was only after the words left my mouth that it occurred to me maybe I could have said that differently...or not at all).

Not surprisingly we haven’t spoken since that night (no real loss), but something positive did come from it all – a new nickname was born. From now on, my cat will be referred to as C*ckblocker! Awesome.

One quick concern before I leave though – this isn’t going to become something C*ckblocker does a lot is it? Does anyone here know anything about cats? I’m not sure how I’m ever going to get a guy to stick around if my (6 pound) cat tries to attack him every time we do the nasty. I mean, I was kind of touched that she tried to ‘protect’ me, and this guy wasn’t going to be a keeper anyway, but assuming I do meet someone that I want to see again, um... Yeah, I’m going to go with believing this was just a one-time thing for now. The alternative is not something I can deal with.


Losing It said...

I'm pretty sure you're fucked on this one... every time my husband makes a move for me, it's like there's an immediate fucking bat signal in the sky for them to come and "help" me.

We started closing the door, which they then figured out how to open, so now we have to close AND lock the door before sexy time, but by then we're exhausted from all the anti-cat prep work that we just usually end up falling asleep.

Redhead said...

OK, that's scary. The thing is, she's never done this before - normally when I have ANYONE over she hides and doesn't come out. There are people who have been to my apartment multiple times and didn't even know I had a cat! And now...she's The C*ckblocker.

I'm just concerned this is the beginning of a trend. How do I prepare a guy for the psycho cat before ever sleeping with him without instantly becoming the psycho cat lady owner in his mind?

SPQR said...

The pussy was just pissed the guy didn't know how to perform his manly duties.

Anonymous said...

Meh you know how some people just give off something that animals hate; if Cockblocker is normally shy around people it was probably just a once off.

Only one way to find out!

Alex said...

As a 35 year old male, I totally agree with your critique.

As a cat owner, I'm guessing if she hasn't done this before, she was just pissed about something else, and it was bad timing that she happened to want to let you know about it. Or else she could sense something. Either way, I agree with Anonymous that some scientific method style testing is required here.