OK everyone, we’re going to keep this pretty short because work has been a beast lately, and I have (no joke) about 30 contracts to put together this week. But an update on my life is always fun, so…
-I’m still with Fancy Pants, but don’t judge me! Now that I’ve figured out it’s all sexual I feel much better about staying with him…just a little while longer. I promise!
-Went out with Linda, her new fiancé, and Fancy Pants on Saturday night. It wasn’t awkward at all! (Total lie – there is pain and THEN there is what I went through this weekend.) I couldn’t decide who I liked less – my date or hers.
Yes people, my life IS awesome.
-Virg finally took my advice, and guess what? He realized I was right. Fucking duh, dude!
-So I’m talking to Christine this weekend – actually, we were at a bar watching the draft – and she asked me about my nephews. This prompted me to start cooing about them (they’re ridiculously cute, I can’t help myself), and I guess I said something along the lines of ‘And the younger one is so cute and chubby!’ Without changing her facial expression Christine replies, ‘Just like his Aunt Redhead.’
She wasn’t joking.
Now just to be clear, I’m 5’8 and weigh 120lbs. I’m not exactly a Large Girl. But Christine…ah, Christine – do I need to take another 2 month ‘mental health’ break from you? (Deep breaths, deep breaths.)
On the plus side, when I told my mother this story she had to put the phone down she was laughing so hard. I love loyalty.
-My assistant – in a fit of rage against me I guess – decided to sign me up for a 5K in June. Now, I don’t run. I exercise (regularly), but jogging has just never been my thing. Until now I guess!
Anyway, since I’m a good sport I decided to go with it. I even went out and got myself new running shoes, new jogging gear (including fancy socks that supposedly suck up my sweat), and started jogging in Central Park. Well…2 weeks in and I’ve done something fucking horrible to my Achilles and am fucking hobbling around like I’m 80 years old! (You should have seen me taking the stairs in and out of the subway this morning – in the rain no less!)
-My cat HATES Fancy Pants. Like, she comes running towards him hissing whenever he comes over. (Keep in mind, she’s 6 pounds.) Yet this bothers him so much that he no longer wants to come over to my place – in fact, he expects me to go to his apartment all the time now.
I don’t think so.
-So, if you were a huge pink vibrator shaped like a cock, what would you name yourself? Um…I’m asking theoretically, of course.