Wednesday, April 16, 2008

My Life Is a Soap Opera

Huh, so I’m a little confused right now (well, more than normal anyway). You see…hmmm, how do I say this? Fuck it: Men rarely surprise me. Now what I mean by this is a) I have a fair amount of experience interacting with men – both platonically and romantically, and b) I’m pretty good at reading people. All of that adds up to me (generally) interpreting interactions and situations well. So imagine my surprise when I got a phone call the day after I got back from Italy, from a guy I’d gone on 2 dates with before I left. Pretty contentious dates actually. A guy who I would have bet money I would never hear from again. And yet he called to say…he had MISSED me!

?

OK, you people need some background information here – I met him while at a cozy little wine bar on the Upper East Side about 2 weeks before I left on my trip. He was (is) tall, beautiful, and so completely and totally wrong for me that it didn’t even matter how good he looked. Everything he said kind of baffled/amused/annoyed me. In fact, I’m pretty sure I was the most surprised person in the bar when he asked for my number and I actually gave it to him.

But I did. And we went out before I left. Twice.

You know what, I need to describe this guy. Let’s call him…Fancy Pants. Fancy Pants is, first and foremost, sick rich. Like, he’s 33 and has a penthouse on 5th Avenue rich. He plays fucking polo rich. He wears nothing but designer clothes and custom-made suits rich. He exclusively dates models rich.

Are you getting a good mental picture yet?

Now, let me be clear here – I’m a fairly self-confident woman. And I DON’T think this guy is too good for me. But for the life of me, I can’t figure out why he wants me. As far as I can tell, Fancy Pants is a man who is interested in having a trophy on his arm, not a real woman. And while I like to think of myself as a catch, I am not a model. I have crazy hair that I don’t straighten every day (or…um, ever really). Most of my clothes, while nice, have at least a few cat hairs on them (I live with a cat, it’s impossible for me to avoid it). I wake up in the morning looking human. And my personality is…quirky.

Yet this guy is now fully pursuing me. Even after our first 2 dates – where we disagreed about, oh, everything – he kept calling me. He remembered what day I was getting back from Italy and called me. He took me out to dinner last night and started talking about the FUTURE for fuck’s sake. He nonchalantly mentioned that he wouldn’t want his wife to work!

Actually, that last point leads into my biggest confusion here. This guy pisses me off when he talks. He calls his mother ‘mum’ even though he’s not British. He’s obsessed with status symbols and has no concept of people who can’t afford a $500 bottle of wine with their Tuesday night dinner. He actually fucking told me that he doesn’t understand why people read novels – he feels reading the newspaper is all that’s necessary AND a much more worthwhile use of his time.

I FUCKING READ AND ACQUIRE BOOKS FOR A LIVING!

But I keep accepting dates with him. And I’m not sure why! I certainly don’t care enough about money to be seduced by that. And while he is gorgeous, there are plenty of fabulous looking men out there. So…what the fuck is going on?! I honestly can’t quite figure myself out here. I suppose I might just be fascinated by him – I mean, I am curious if there’s a real person buried in there somewhere. But…

We’re going out again tomorrow night. Linda joked that I’m going to marry him before I figure this whole thing out (I sincerely hope not, but at this point I don’t trust myself to make any smart decisions concerning him). Maybe…maybe I’m trying to fix him? I know women who do that – I’ve never been a big fan of the practice since it always seemed like a lot of wasted effort to me, but…

Yeah, enough pondering for one evening. Do any of you guys have any theories? I’m going to go pour myself a glass of wine from a nice $12 bottle – don’t tell Fancy Pants.

21 comments:

rs27 said...

Are you serious? This is so obvious. You guys like each other because you like the debate. It turns you on. I know. This is why I disagree with girls about everything.

I still contend the world is flat. That makes girls get sooo naked.

CajunKate said...

I think that opposites attract. You probably are fascinated by him because he is so different from you and vice versa. Personally, I think he sounds like a first-class douche, BUT how many times in your life will you have a chance at $500 dollar bottles of wine? I say milk it as long as possible until you really and truly want to punt kick him in the balls, then break it off. But I am a "living vicariously through you" bitch like that. (Also, I can't believe after nine months of reading your blog, I've suddenly decided I must comment on two posts in row, but whatever.)

Bruce Paine said...

I make no assertions, but would like the opportunity to pose a few questions if you do not mind. Do you think the novelty of his wealth, while not attracting you ( I would never insult you by suggesting it), is allowing your curiosity to keep you communicating with him? Do you really want to spend any time with someone who doesn't read? Can you trust any American who calls his mother "mum" and plays polo? I have spent a fair amount of time on horseback and I know this, polo isn't American. And the last question... Is it possible that a man can want a woman of substance as a trophy wife? It seems like many women take the notion of being a trophy wife as a negative. That is fine since gals tend to believe that to be associated with looks and no brains. I would pose that there are men who exist on this planet that desire women as trophies, not because of their looks, but because of their substance. A man might be an insightful and intelligent enough being to want a woman of education, poise, grace, and humor to accompany him as a trophy because her higher qualities may be judged as more desirable than straight blonde hair and a boob job. This man may not be that sort, I an wary of wealth and do not believe many of it could evaluate the qualities of a woman properly, but...

This has gone on, I apologize.

Redhead said...

rs27: You're insane - there's cute disagreement, and then there's out and out animosity, which is what we have here (at least on my side). Yet... If it was as easy as what you're saying, I wouldn't be this confused by myself and my actions right now. Try again.

cajunkate: Ah, part of my 'lurker nation' (I'm so psyched I have one of those by the way - whatever it is)! I totally agree with the theory that I should just enjoy the $500 bottles of wine as long as possible, but...that's not what it feels like I'm doing. I mean hey, I love a free meal, but I wanted to kick this guy in the nuts from the moment I met him, and instead I started DATING him. I'm such a moron.

paine: His wealth isn't really a novelty to me - I went to a school that cost 30K a year to send your kid to kindergarten. I come from money (although I'm very aware that it's my parents' money - I didn't earn it and I don't borrow it). My best friends in the world have Fuck You money, but they're not assholes about it. This guy is an asshole about it - which goes along with the whole 'do I want to spend time with a guy who..' question. In theory, of course I don't want to spend time with him, I think he's a pretentious douchebag. Yet it's kind of hard to sound like I really mean that when I'm dating him. I'm dating a guy who I think is as a shot of whisky. What...the...fuck?!

Oh, and if you were implying that I am a woman of substance and that's what makes me a trophy - thanks. And if you were just talking about a theoretical woman - well, I agree that the internal substance SHOULD make a woman a 'trophy.' But let's be realistic here, there are very few men who truly believe that.

Ah fuck, when did things get so serious around here?

John Barleycorn said...

I say "bang him." Why not, right?

Jack Cobra said...

I hate to sound mean but it seems like he's playing you. For some guys, as I'm sure you know, dating is purely a game and they'll do whatever it takes to win that game. They'll remember dates, make phone calls, talk about the future, etc.....then when they 'win', they lose interest.

Hopefully that's not the case here, but it just seems kind of obvious from my POV.

Redhead said...

john: Duh!

jack: If he is I have no problem with that, but can we define 'win'? Because...um...he may have already won, and he's still calling and talking about the future.

Jack Cobra said...

winning is different things to different people, I'm not sure it's definable in this sense. For example, for some guys it might just be getting laid, for other guys it might be "dating up" or "dating down", for others....you get the point.

Redhead said...

jack: I'm pretty sure you just implied that he's 'winning' by 'dating down' with me. Awesome - thanks Jack! I feel a million, billion times cooler now.

Jack Cobra said...

Jesus, I figured the "......" let it be known that I could go on listing things for days. If that wasn't enough I thought "I'm not sure it's definable in this sense" would be.

Redhead said...

Alright, at some point I'm actually going to REMEMBER how sarcasm and teasing doesn't translate in the blogosphere (note: I can't believe I used that fucking word). Everyone calm down - I'm not that sensitive, so you don't need to be either. Okey dokey?

mcbias said...

Congrats! you're in love. Come on, don't try to deny it--is it really so hard to come to grips with? You all but referred to yourself as a crazy-haired cat woman in your post, ha, and you NEVER talk about yourself in those terms. (And please, since when are models the height of feminity?! Are you kidding? Not all men get turned on by scrawny elitist chicks). You were THIS CLOSE to saying "I don't even know what he sees in me", if you didn't already.

And yes, you are attracted to men you don't understand or who don't behave the way you want them to. If that wasn't obvious before, it is now. So what does it mean? Oh, nothing, I suppose. Soon enough it'll be clear if he's a player or genuinely interested in you. If you're willing to take the risk, that's your business.

Bruce Paine said...

MCBias makes an interesting point. Sometimes a person will show favor to that which is most unique in their lives and therefor the most desirable. Something unique is not always declared by its value, sometimes it is that which, quite simply, no one else has. You may, perhaps, stand out when compared to those of his more regular society.

I was not indicating that wealth, in and of itself, was a novelty for you, just his behavior with it. He plays polo for goodness sake! With all the money in the world he plays polo!?

Redhead said...

mcb: And the award for the stupidest comment of the day goes to mcbias! I am NOT in love with this dude. And he doesn't make me feel inferior (ie. the crazy-haired cat lady) - I'm just NOT his type. He's also NOT my type, so why we're still seeing each other makes zero sense. At this point I think I'm just bored.

paine: Just say it - he's a jackass. Don't worry, I think he is too, hence why I find it so baffling why I keep accepting dates with him. He's not THAT interesting.

Jill said...

Opposites attract....I think you're intrigued about him even though he truly seems to be someone you could never, gasp, fall for! And this intrigue is going to keep you coming back for more each and every time....although, pretty sure you won't just up and marry him without giving it some thought. :)

MCBias said...

Yawn. Please seat me next to your single female friends during the wedding reception. And I prefer a meat dish--no vegetarian for me.

Redhead said...

jill: Thanks for the vote of confidence. I'm starting to think I'm nuts - we went out last night, disagreed about everything, and then practically attacked each other (in a good way) at the end of the date. I need a time out.

mcb: OK, now you're just starting to piss me off.

Anonymous said...

it seems pretty obvious to me reading between the lines he MUST be great in bed. that is the only reason i've ever kept going out with guys i dont REALLY like.

if he is then i say enjoy it for as long as the sex is better than the annoying/frustrating dates.

if i've totally got the wrong end of the stick then i have no clue why you're putting yourself through that shit!

Bella said...

Hmmm...

Interesting, this Mr. Fancy Pants. If nothing else, he makes for a good blog read.

I'm just wondering what a $500 bottle of wine would taste like...

=) Bella

rs27 said...

Um, you like him? Thats all I got.

I am not insane by the way. If wearing no pants while mowing your lawn is insane then call me Crazyhorse Insanerson.

Jill said...

It's ok you attacked each other in a good way! :) I say go you and have fun! It's not like you're planning a wedding or planning babies or anything. Nothing wrong with having fun with someone whether they're right for you or not....