(Clears Throat)

Hello…hello…anyone there? Sorry about the layoff – not sure if people are still reading this stupid blog, but if so an update:

-The family is doing much better after the loss of R. We still miss her, but we’ve moved into the ‘telling funny stories about her and remembering the good times’ stage – this isn’t hard since she was a nutter of the first order. I’ll be ending blog posts with dog stories for at least a little while. Oh, and my mom is already trolling Boxer Rescue sites looking at the puppies; my dad wants to wait until spring to get a new doggie, but I give my mom another month before she can’t stand NOT having a dog in the house.

-Thanksgiving was great – we ate ridiculous amounts of food, played with my nephews (fyi, my youngest nephew freaking LOVES me – the feeling is mutual – and we’ve now totally bonded…he has me completely wrapped around his finger), and drank heavily. It was awesome.

-It seems like a rule that no matter how old you get, your parents can still make you do things you don’t want to do. Case in point: Somehow my parents made us all (the ‘kids’ I mean), sit down for a picture that would go on (not in, ON) their Christmas card. How old are we? Well, besides the nephews, the youngest one in that picture was…me. Do people really want to see a card senders' fully grown children? I didn't think so - my mother is so strange. On the plus side, my aforementioned younger nephew totally blew off his own mother to sit on my lap. Yes, I’m that amazing.

-Went to a great restaurant not last weekend but the weekend before that, and they had fondue as one of the appetizers. Not to get all ‘70s on you people, but is there anything better than dipping stuff in melted cheese? If there is, I haven’t found it. Fucking awesome.

-Funniest night in a while yesterday. Went to dinner with some people that I used to work with – we all survived working for my last company, and that sort of bonded us; we meet every other month or so to catch up. Anyway, one of the people who was there was my old…well, I guess the only word for her is mentor. When I started out in publishing I was an editorial assistant and she was an executive VP. She was loud, she cursed A LOT, and she was (and is) freaking brilliant. Within 6 months of my arriving at the company she took me out to lunch and said ‘You’re too smart to be an assistant, I’m making you an editor.’ Seriously, does that shit ever happen in real life?

Anyway, my mentor was there – she’s 70 now and retired (only not really), still loud, still brash, and still fucking awesome. So I’m standing there talking to a guy I also used to work with (married, but male), and Mentor comes up to me and without any preamble at all says, ‘Redhead, I never realized what fabulous tits you have!’ Cue the guy I was talking to just turning beet red. Some background here – it was hot in the restaurant, so I had taken off my sweater and was just wearing a tank top. Obviously I never wore tank tops to work, so that part of my anatomy had never been quite as on display as it was at that moment…I guess. Either way, nothing Mentor says really shocks me anymore, but that one did the trick. Married Guy (who had been drinking) recoved enough to freaking AGREE. And of course, this started a conversation amongst everyone about my physical attributes. Was this horribly embarrassing? Yes. But I did get to hear that my hair reminds someone of a ‘pre-Raphaelite painting.’ I would have preferred Titian, but beggars can’t be choosers.

On a side note, yes, I’m as surprised as you are that Mentor has never been sued for sexual harassment. I mean, I don’t think she should be – she never means to make anyone uncomfortable, we’re all just too goddamn sensitive – but still…she truly doesn’t edit ANYTHING that comes out of her mouth.

-I just read all of the Stephanie Meyer vampire books – TWILIGHT etc. – and I have to say…I don’t get it. I’m not going to ruin anything here (not that I imagine you guys are into those kinds of books, but I DO work in children’s books, and I kind of wanted to know what all the fuss was about, so…), but what the fuck?! With the exception of the first two books in the series (there are four), I actively disliked most of the characters. The first two books were nothing special, but fine. But the last two…?! I will say this and then I will stop – I don’t like Bella. At all. And Edward is a pussy. Okay, I’m done.

-My sister is back together with her boyfriend. I’ve stopped getting worked up over it. I barely blinked when they broke up after the election – yes, the douchebag actually broke up with her because she voted for Obama (see, I told you he was an asshole of epic proportions). But now…I’m fine. I see all of this as progress – on my part, obviously not on theirs since they’ve learned NOTHING in the past 3 years. But I digress…see how serene I am?

-For those who are wondering, my back is much better. This is all thanks for my grandmother and her magical prescription muscle relaxants that she ‘lent’ me. Yes, as I’ve taken to saying, my grandmother is now my drug dealer. Rock on.

-Today’s dog story: We got T before I was born – she was a boxer of course. So cute, so sweet, and such a boxer (for those who know the breed, you'll understand that comment). Whenever my mother came home from…wherever really, T would jump into her arms for a hug. Literally jump into her arms. My mother would come in the front door, and T would run up a few steps on the staircase, turn around, and leap into my mother’s arms. She would put one paw over each shoulder like she was trying to actually hug. My mother still jokes that it would make bringing home groceries MUCH more difficult, since if she didn’t grab onto T during one of those hugs, well, I’m sure you guys can figure out what would happen.

So damn cute.

Anyway, once I was born T decided that I must be hers. She would sleep beside my crib. She would follow me everywhere. She even tried to get me to share her food (thankfully I didn’t take her up on those offers…right Mom?!). She thought I was her puppy. So imagine her concern when I started to try to walk on two feet. She was baffled, and concerned. So concerned that every time I tried to stand she would, very gently, nudge me back to the ground. When I tried to simply sit up she would push me to all fours. She was…I guess…on a mission to make me normal. Sadly she failed as much as my parents did on that one. But damn, she was a good dog. And I did eventually learn to walk, so no harm no foul!

Is it any wonder I love animals with that kind of start in life?

Sidenote: For everyone who commented on my last post and didn't get a reponse, it wasn't because I wasn't really touched by what you said - I was upset and then I got really busy and then it seemed like I'd let too much time pass, and... Anyway, that's my typically awkward way of saying I really appreciated it, I loved reading your stories, and I suck.