Not Tonight Alex - I Have a Headache

If I make it through this week it will be a miracle. I have 3 (fucking 3!) business dinners, meetings all day every day, a backlog of contracts that really need to be addressed at some point (yeah, I’ll get right on that Boss), and a guy who’s ALREADY driving me nuts (serves me right for thinking I could trust my judgment after 4 hours of drinking – stop texting me dude!). So what am I doing right now? Catching up on all my work/composing a text that will make Stalker Guy go away for good? Nah, I’m passing judgment on…

A-Rod.

You all knew it was coming. It seems my dirty little secret had a dirty little secret. As if I wasn’t embarrassed enough by my crush, he then had to go and make himself look like more of a jackass. Thanks sweetie.

I should probably clarify something here – I’m not embarrassed and horrified that Alex did steroids. Ignoring my slightly unusual obsession with A-Rod (shut up), I really do have my shit together regarding most things; I like to say I live in a little place called ‘reality.’ So after getting over my first reaction to the news, which was something along the lines of ‘Jesus Christ, ANOTHER one? Fucking Yankees!’ I quickly settled into my second reaction, which was ‘eh.’

Let me ask the baseball fans who visit this site something – were you surprised that A-Rod used steroids? Because I sure wasn’t. This is a dude who a) was playing during what we now refer to as the Steroid Era, and b) is known for being an insecure people-pleaser (and an inept one at that). Was there any chance he WASN’T using? Ah A-Rod, my little spastic mess.

Anyway now that a week has passed since the news broke, I can honestly say he’s handling himself…um, yeah, he’s handling himself poorly. Sorry, but it's true. The press conference on Tuesday was painful to watch. But overall my main concern is whether (or rather how much) this will affect him throughout the season. Much as I’d like to have the guy in my bed, I can honestly say I have no interest in dealing with his neuroses. So Alex, please for the love of God GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! I need you to not fuck up this year – 2008 was painful enough for me; I like seeing my team actually win every once in a while, and you are a distraction we do not need. So step away from the microphone and get back on the field; I know you and your teammates have better ways to spend a Tuesday afternoon. Oh, and hire a new PR team – your current one sucks.

Now to take my lovely Alex’s place in my heart, I give you Frank Lampard. Ladies, he’s newly single, plays soccer (so great legs are guaranteed - seriously, look down), and is filthy rich – who wants to move to London with me?

2 Years - Time Sure Does Fly By When You're Not Posting!

(Note: I was going to post this on Saturday, but then I forgot – kind of a theme around here actually.)

So I’m not going to apologize, I’m not going to offer up lengthy explanations, and I’m not going to feel guilty – I’ve been taking a break from the blog, people! However, I had to come back to celebrate the 2 year anniversary of said blog (even though, yes, my upkeep for the last 6 months has been shitty at best - and I missed the anniversary...oops). Still, if there’s anyone who still comes here…some thoughts:

Hmmm, when was the last time we spoke? Fuck, a lot has happened since then. I’ve dated and broken up with at least 2 guys – one I dated specifically because he had a really cute dog…hey, there are worse reasons to date a guy. I’m writing a book which is taking up a lot of my writing/blogging time. I’m looking to buy an apartment which is taking up a lot of my sanity (godDAMN that’s a lot of money to just fork over all at once!). Work is nuts, but at least I’m still being paid to do it (which is more than a lot of my friends can say right now). And I took some time out to discover the meaning of life (but I’m not telling you what it is – that would be cheating).

Other than that, what else has been up? Oh, I finally got around to meeting one of you nutjobs – something I swore I’d never do – so, mcbias, take a bow. Hmmm…what else…?

(Another note: Please keep in mind that I was going to post this on Saturday, so just pretend that it’s Valentine’s Day while reading – it was kind of the theme of the post and I don’t feel like rewriting everything.)

-Actually, since I didn’t post on Saturday I will give you a quick rundown of my V-Day:
Tried to go see He’s Just Not That Into You with Christine (we figured let’s just embrace our singleness), but when we got to the theater it was sold out! I hate being unoriginal.
Since we couldn’t see our movie of choice, we hit up the pub near my apartment at the ripe old hour of 7:30pm instead.
We left the pub around 2am.
Yes, I was hung over the next day.
Surprisingly I met a guy at Saturday night – something I would have bet money against doing on V-Day.
Said guy then called on Sunday (I have no memory of giving him my number), and we’re going out this week. I’ll let you know if it’s true love, otherwise you’ll probably never hear me mention him again.

-In the immortal words of my Wild Words from Wild Women daily calendar:
If you open your heart up and let all the love you have flow out of you, I promise that some highly dysfunctional, emotionally unavailable man will glom himself onto you and never let go.
-Wendy Kamenoff

Awesome.

-For all the ladies out there, a little relationship advice this fine Valentine’s Day. (Obviously not from me – I don’t know the first thing about relationships.) Anyway, here you go.

-My breakfast this morning consisted of black coffee, one of those Starbucks Double Shot espresso drinks, and a Red Bull. Help, I think I may have a problem.

-Creepy Web site I wish I’d never discovered (I need to stop giving into peer pressure): Facebook. Yes, Facebook creeps me out. I was pressured into joining, refuse to ‘friend’ anyone myself, and only go on to accept friend requests every two weeks or so. Still, what is with all the randoms out there that find you?! I kind of want to say to people ‘Um, I think we lost touch for a reason.’ But that would be mean, right?

-Worst Valentine’s Day: The time my boyfriend told me he’d rather hang out with his friends than spend the evening with me. Yup, I can really pick ‘em!

-Nice little bit of erotica to get you through a cold V-Day all alone: Cooking Up a Storm by Emma Holly. No one in this book even has a fleeting grasp of what monogamy means. It’s amazing how something that would piss me off in reality still turns me on in…bookity. (OK, so that word doesn’t exist, but I didn’t want to say ‘fantasy’ or ‘theory’ since those words weren’t quite right – sue me.)

-In honor of Valentine’s Day, I want to know what everyone’s most embarrassing sexual moment was. For me it was the time I was…um…let’s just say ‘pleasuring’ a boyfriend, and he fell asleep. Nothing fucks with your ego quite like that. So thanks Ex-Boyfriend! And no, I STILL don’t buy that it was because you’d had too much to drink, JACKASS!

Anyway, anyone have any good stories that could compete?