If I make it through this week it will be a miracle. I have 3 (fucking 3!) business dinners, meetings all day every day, a backlog of contracts that really need to be addressed at some point (yeah, I’ll get right on that Boss), and a guy who’s ALREADY driving me nuts (serves me right for thinking I could trust my judgment after 4 hours of drinking – stop texting me dude!). So what am I doing right now? Catching up on all my work/composing a text that will make Stalker Guy go away for good? Nah, I’m passing judgment on…
You all knew it was coming. It seems my dirty little secret had a dirty little secret. As if I wasn’t embarrassed enough by my crush, he then had to go and make himself look like more of a jackass. Thanks sweetie.
I should probably clarify something here – I’m not embarrassed and horrified that Alex did steroids. Ignoring my slightly unusual obsession with A-Rod (shut up), I really do have my shit together regarding most things; I like to say I live in a little place called ‘reality.’ So after getting over my first reaction to the news, which was something along the lines of ‘Jesus Christ, ANOTHER one? Fucking Yankees!’ I quickly settled into my second reaction, which was ‘eh.’
Let me ask the baseball fans who visit this site something – were you surprised that A-Rod used steroids? Because I sure wasn’t. This is a dude who a) was playing during what we now refer to as the Steroid Era, and b) is known for being an insecure people-pleaser (and an inept one at that). Was there any chance he WASN’T using? Ah A-Rod, my little spastic mess.
Anyway now that a week has passed since the news broke, I can honestly say he’s handling himself…um, yeah, he’s handling himself poorly. Sorry, but it's true. The press conference on Tuesday was painful to watch. But overall my main concern is whether (or rather how much) this will affect him throughout the season. Much as I’d like to have the guy in my bed, I can honestly say I have no interest in dealing with his neuroses. So Alex, please for the love of God GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! I need you to not fuck up this year – 2008 was painful enough for me; I like seeing my team actually win every once in a while, and you are a distraction we do not need. So step away from the microphone and get back on the field; I know you and your teammates have better ways to spend a Tuesday afternoon. Oh, and hire a new PR team – your current one sucks.
Now to take my lovely Alex’s place in my heart, I give you Frank Lampard. Ladies, he’s newly single, plays soccer (so great legs are guaranteed - seriously, look down), and is filthy rich – who wants to move to London with me?