Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I Have No Idea Why I Found This So Funny

So I’m walking through the subway station yesterday, and I see this couple walking towards me. They’re holding hands, talking – generally unnoticeable. I wouldn’t have even registered their existence if the guy hadn’t suddenly stopped walking, an expression of complete shock on his face. The chick just kept on going.

I don’t know, all of a sudden I was intrigued. What did she say? Obviously it was surprising, since he stopped dead and looked fucking stunned. But the thing was she just kept on going, like she was either a) expecting this reaction from him, or b) didn’t care. Either way…awesome.

So there I was, thinking of all the things she could have said to elicit this reaction. Wondering what she could say in a crowded (it was rush hour) train station that would be that interesting. So I started playing with all the possibilities while I made my way home.

My favorite was she’d just told him she’d slept with his brother. I don’t know why, but that one cracked me up. I mean, how genius would it be to tell him, like it’s no big deal, while holding hands and walking through the subway station? He couldn’t very well kill her there, right? Kind of a smart move to do it in public actually.

Another theory I had was that she had told him she was pregnant. You know, because who needs privacy for a discussion like that, right?

Wow, I could play this game all day. Anyway, those were my top two. Do you guys have any you want to throw out there? The floor is yours.


Big Daddy said...

I immediately thought pregnant. But you have a point, the options are endless. “I just found out that I have herpes.” “I just realized that I am a lesbian.” Lots and lots of potential things to say that could elicit that response.

Bruce Paine said...

The natural reaction to "I am a lesbian," is far more rooted in confusion and not enough so that you would stop walking, at least it wasn't for me.

"I'm pregnant," fits if the circustances match up. It was my natural reaction. I agree with Big Daddy, lots of things fit the bill. Criteria would be nice. It would have to be something that a:leaves him speechless b:would be cause to stop walking and c: something she knew in advance and had rationalized (because there was no subsequent conversation) and that he had never expected (because of the above reactions). Its a fun one alright. On a date I once got a "you're not as good looking as the guys I usually date." Shocked the hell outa me.

Alex said...

"I've decided to get a sex change."
"I baked a turd into the meatloaf I left out for you last night."
And if I may alter one of your original entries, Red:
"I had sex with your dad. He was magnificent."

You're right, this is a fun game.

Bruce Paine said...

"Surprise, you've got the clap."
"And your dad gave it to me while your mother filmed it and baked the meatloaf I pooped in."

"Your mother showed me five interesting things to do with a sixteen ounce beer can." This is a popular one at work right now as we have been playing this game all afternoon. Maybe I will write down the all stars and add them tonight.

NotMcBias said...

Obviously she either said, "The Aristocats!!" or told him that she hooked up with McBias the night before and his Mom was already calling her.

Maybe Christine should start blogging? Maybe a guest post? Can we request that?

Redhead said...

big daddy: Lesbian and STDs did cross my mind too - STDs made me laugh harder though (don't know why).

paine: So are you saying that you've had women tell you 'I'm a lesbian' and 'I'm pregnant'? I need to hear these stories.

alex: Ooh, the dad one is even better than my brother one. Just...dirtier. Love it.

paine: So glad I was able to help entertain the office.

notmcb: I've got to ask - is there a reason for the mcbias obsession? Oh, and Christine doesn't even know about this site - it's best for everyone if that remains the case.

NotMcBias said...

Yes, there is a reason.

I wonder if Christine blogs about you and you don't know it. You don't know the answer to that, just talking outloud.

Have a nice weekend.

MCBias said...

For right now, I think notmcbias is more amusing than harmful. However, if "notmcbias" is a poster who knows me, like, say, BP or Cobra, stop it. Don't use anonymous posts, that's weak junior-high stuff. You can make fun of me to my face and get the same in return.

Bruce Paine said...

Not my game chief. If I wanted to say shit about you I would just say it. Men as well armed as I aren't prone to errant deflections.

Cobra said...

Not it. This is my first time over here in like six months. Plus, I'd just tell you that it's me.

I liked this post Redhead.