Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Let’s Talk About Breasts

Fuck it. I need to talk about breasts, and somehow I don’t think any of my readers are going to mind. So here goes:

Alright, let’s get this out of the way – men like breasts. And I have a particularly noticeable pair. So what? I appreciate the compliments, but I’m over them. After all, I (at least) am fully aware that I had nothing to do with them. So I ignore the stares, and I live my life.

In all honesty, my breasts annoy me most of the time – they make wearing certain clothes impossible (if I don’t want to look like a whore – which, surprisingly, I don’t). And if anything I try to play them down and joke about them with my friends. But that doesn’t mean I’m not cool with men’s reactions to them – the majority of the time. Hell, I’ve benefited from those reactions since puberty. Still, there’s a fine line between appreciating a woman’s breasts and just pissing her off. And I have a guy at work who is starting to piss me off.

(Note: It’s occurred to me that I’m starting to sound like I have HUGE breasts, and I don’t. Let’s just say they’re bigger than what most women with my build have and leave it at that. (And fuck that was uncomfortable to write.) OK, back to the point of the post.)

This whole topic actually came up a couple of weeks ago on onthevirg’s blog. He had posed the question ‘do women mind if they catch a man staring at her chest?’ I told him no, women don’t normally mind. In fact, adult women are generally so used to men glancing down at our chests (sometimes repeatedly) that we barely even notice. It’s kind of expected. Still, when glancing turns to staring – blatant staring. For prolonged periods of time. Problems can arise. And I now have a guy – a new executive at work actually – who’s been crossing the line. Staring. In a creepy way. At one particular part of me. Hint: Not my face.

Now like I said, I normally have a pretty good sense of humor about my breasts. My (platonic) friend John has a marked obsession with them, and he doesn’t feel the need to hide it. And I don’t take offense to it – I just continually remind him he’s never going to see them. Hell, I’ve even had friends of my exes who (after a few drinks) have commented. And it’s fine. I just don’t care. Good natured appreciation is fine – I’m not blind. I know how the world works.

But, I expect a little amount of respect. (Seriously, I’m talking miniscule here.) I’m an intelligent woman who generally doesn’t wear clothes that flaunt my chest (no need really), and I’m always covered up at work. So while I’m fine with the occasional glance, the outright ogling I’m getting from this new office guy is making me uncomfortable. (That’s code for pissed.) Whenever I walk by his office he actually stops what he’s doing and stares. Whenever he walks by my desk (which he shouldn’t have to do as often as he does), he stares – and almost trips. And let’s just say his eyes aren’t trained on my face. In fact I’d be surprised if he actually knew what my face looked like.

So what can I do about it? As of right now, I’m thinking nothing. Besides annoying the shit out of me, he’s technically not crossing any lines. And while my pissed off looks don’t seem to be working, I’m going to keep shooting them his way. Maybe if he raises his eyes anytime soon, he’ll notice. And until then, I’ll bitch to you guys. So thanks. I don’t actually feel any better about the situation. But thanks.


onthevirg said...

See it's guys like that that give the rest of us a bad name when we try and take a peek. I mean at least try and be subtle. Plus if I was doing what this dude is doing it would make me fell uncomfortable, so I can only imagine how much it's pissing you off.

Redhead said...

But most of the time it doesn't piss me off! Peeks are fine - I know that most men don't even realize they're doing it. It's the blatant, weird, prolonged, creepy stares that take this to a whole other level. And I have to imagine he knows what he's doing. Right?

onthevirg said...

He'd have to know. Unless he's a window licker or something. I mean does he do it to other ladies in the office? Maybe he's just a perv and can't help himself or doesn't care that he makes women uncomfortable?

Redhead said...

No clue. I do know that he doesn't seem to do it to anyone else (but that's not saying a whole lot in my office - OK, now I'm going to hell). What a tool.

onthevirg said...

Yeah I'd have to concur he's a tool then. Maybe you should just stare at his crotch all the time when he's around. On second thought, maybe that's not such a good idea. He might take it as you being interested.

becky said...

The converse of this, of course, is when you've been at work for an hour or two before realizing, when your boss walks in to talk to you, "Oh fuck, this shirt shows off cleavage, whereas when I got dressed this morning I thought it hid everything just fine."

Redhead said...

onthevirg: Dude, that's bad, bad advice.

becky: I totally get what you're saying, but I intentionally wear clothes that cover everything to work (even my v-necks are high v-necks). I wouldn't feel comfortable in anything else in the office - anything low-cut on me is instantly inapproriate (unfortunately). Seriously, it's not as fun as most people think it would be.

Jez said...

You need to tell him to stop it. Period.

My big problem is I get morning stares, and I can't tell you the number of jobs I've had where I'm seated across from a woman and I always end up staring at the opposite edge of the table, which, of course, is the same place the woman's breasts sitting across from me are.

I've caught a couple of nasty looks maybe twice and actually apologized. This guy doesn't appear to be having morning stares, though.