Hmmm. It’s occurred to me that I know a lot of really nice people. I surround myself with them actually (because I’m smart). People who are kind and caring and supportive. People who not only put up with me, but treat me with love and respect. And it’s so…fucking confusing. I mean, I don’t deserve that kind of treatment. I’m a heinous bitch, everyone knows that. So while it makes sense why I keep them around, what doesn’t make sense is why the hell they keep me around. Sure, I can be funny (often unintentionally). I’m quirky and entertaining (inappropriately so). And I can be nice when need be. But still…
Did you know that I’ve never been dumped? As obnoxious as I am and having dated as many men as I have (shut up), I’ve never been dumped. Cheated on, yes. But dumped? Nope. And I’ve deserved a dumping or two, trust me. Yet it’s never happened. Hell, even the guy who cheated flew halfway across the country to apologize when I found out – 6 full months AFTER we had broken up. And while he was wrong for cheating (and believe me, I told him that – loudly, and with profanity), it wasn’t like things were great between us when it happened. I mean, I MAY have even mentioned to him that I was ‘just staying with [him] out of convenience.’ Yet I was the one who eventually broke up with him.
People just seem to keep me around. Smart people who should know better. And that’s nice I guess (bizarre, but nice). Take NY Guy: He’s great – good looking, successful, confident. He’s a catch; I know that. But still, I blow him off all the time (like I do with everyone). I forget to return phone calls. I say I can’t get together because I don’t feel like it. AND, I’ve even acted moody around him (as I may have mentioned, I’m quitting smoking – that’s brought me even closer to the edge of sanity than usual). I HAVE NOT been as much fun as I’m capable of being (which usually counteracts my personality issues).
So why haven’t I been dumped? No idea. NY Guy seems to have taken the popular approach (amongst my friends anyway) or killing me with kindness. And this works. It confuses me. It makes me feel guilty. It (almost) makes me behave. (Where did they teach people this trick? Did I miss the day in school when they taught this? Because I could really have used a Humanity 101 course.)
Some examples of what I mean: Just last week NY Guy stopped and bought fresh cherries on his way over to my apartment because I had mentioned how much I like them. He bought me daisies on our way home from dinner a few days ago because I commented they were my favorite flower. He gives me free massages (no reciprocation required – score!) whenever I get all jittery and can’t relax (a new problem since I quit smoking). And he does these things because…I deserve them? Doubtful.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not all bad. There are reasons that he (and everyone I know) sticks around. Like I said, I’m normally really fun. I’m not demanding (really), not clingy, an easy conversationalist, have a pretty good sense of humor, I’m relatively smart, and – when I eventually care about someone (very, very, very small group of people I’m referring to here) – I’m as loyal as a dog. I’ve even been told I’m nice to look at. But still, generally speaking, I’m a bitch. So the reason I have such good friends is…? Anyone? Any thoughts/insight here you might want to share? Want to tell me to take my good fortune for granted and shut the fuck up? Go ahead. I’m open to suggestions.
But enough of the soul-searching questions – let’s get to the fun stuff. I can’t wait for the weekend to start; it’s going to be awesome! All good things and good food. First, NY Guy and I are going out for Spanish food on Saturday night (yay paella and sangria!!!), and then Sunday I’m going into Jersey for a barbeque at my parents’ house. And my nephews are going to be there! A whole day by the pool, eating, swimming, and playing. Needless to say, between my nephews and my parents’ dog, I’m excited. AND no work on Monday.
Life is good.
But the question is, what to make? See, I’m in charge of dessert on Sunday. (Have I mentioned here that I love to bake? How surprised are you on scale of 1 to 10? No one ever sees me as the domestic type until I start talking about sweets.) I’m thinking…chocolate chunk cookies (for the kids), cheesecake bars (for my brother), and…hmmm, either brownies (ridiculously chocolaty made with the best cocoa) or maybe lemon bars (because I love them and I bet I can take home the leftovers). I’ll leave the fresh fruit and other healthy stuff to my parents. So what do you guys think? Brownies? Something else entirely? Anyone care?