Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I Think I’m Still Drunk…And Other Randomness

-So I went to the Yanks game last night with John – minimal weirdness between us; he even called me a freak of nature (my hands can get really cold while sitting outside on a perfect lovely night – really…cold). Anyway, since I didn’t have to get up early today for work or anything, I fucking went to town on the beer last night. And…yup, I’m pretty sure I’m still drunk.

-I’m taking Christine to see the Yanks tonight (damn, this unemployment thing isn’t so bad). I normally wouldn’t take her – needless to say she proved herself to be untrustworthy the last time I invited her to a game; something about going off for food and not coming back for 7 INNINGS – anyway, since she’s depressed and unable to be alone, I’m dragging her to Yankees Stadium and getting her drunk. (It’s amazing – I don’t know what else to do with her so I keep giving her alcohol; I think driving her to substance abuse is a great way for me to prove my friendship.)

-My parents went to see Jimmy Buffett last night, and when Cheeseburger in Paradise (a personal favorite) came on, my mom called me on my cell at the game and let me listen. It was a good moment.

-Red Sox lost last night…hee hee. (And that’s ALL I’m saying – I refuse to do anything to jinx…anything. Stop talking now!)

-I fell UP the stairs to my apartment building last night after returning from the game. Admittedly I was a little hazy, but I do remember going up the stairs to my front door (keys in hand) when I misjudged a step and missed it. As I started to list backwards, I – in a gross overcorrection – quickly threw myself forward (with a little more force than was advisable) and…collided with the brick stairs (thankfully I kept my face away from the hard stuff). Oh, and the best part of this was that even as it was happening, I was peripherally aware of the Italian restaurant with OUTDOOR SEATING right next to my building. Outdoor seating which was still (at 10:30 on a Tuesday night) filled to capacity. And everyone was watching me. It was AWESOME.

-Is there anything better than Quaker Granola Bars? I can eat like 10 of them in a single sitting (yes, I realize that’s not what I’m supposed to do, but fuck that – they’re really good).

-I need to get a birthday present for my nephew (the older one) – he just turned 2. Any suggestions?

-So I threw on my favorite jeans last night, and they were literally falling off of me; this vegetarian thing is making eating really difficult. The problem is I don’t have the money to buy myself an entirely new wardrobe right now (or even just a few new pairs of jeans – at $180 a pop they aren’t cheap), so besides gorging on coffee ice cream – which I am totally willing to do – I’m starting to get a little worried. Does anyone have any suggestions here? Is it possible to gain weight in a healthy way? I’m not so good at healthy. I keep leaning towards the idea of just eating pizza and m&m’s all day long, but that seems…unwise.

-There’s a movie called Accepted playing on the HBOs, and I have to say – I love it. At first I thought it was just going to be one of those stupid, mildly offensive, and only slightly entertaining college movies (which is fine by the way – I’m not really high class in my movie choices), but it actually turned out to be…great. Funny, cool concept, some really good lines, and the whole message of the movie (yeah, it has a message) really worked for me. Two enthusiastic thumbs up people!


Anonymous said...

If you want to gain healthy weight, go for the sumo wrestler diet, minus the chicken, and not in the massive proportions that these strangely monstrous Japanese men eat. I hear it works wonders...

Oh, and for the nephew, seson one of Samurai Jack. It is awesome.

My comment has a strange Japanese bent today. Maybe I should pay attention the that. Meh.

Anonymous said...

dammit, that should be 'season'.

Anonymous said...


It's hard to go wrong with a Tonka toy. Indestructable.

Also, remember that peanut m&m's a one of nature's most perfect foods.


Bella said...

Hey. Having to boys my suggestion for a 2 year old would be any Thomas the Train toy. My kids were obsessed with those.

If you want to maintain your vegetarian diet and gain weight, you can increase your consumption of soy products, veggie burgers (vegan or or not)and nuts. Hell, I could eat a whole can of natural almonds, but I know I shouldn't (as I know I'll gain weight!).

I admit that I enjoyed the movie Accepted too. I remember I took my 11 year old to see it. My husband and I went and saw "Superbad" and my son threw a fit cause he wanted to go...No way in hell he was going to see that and it's a good thing he didn't!!! I probably would have had TONS of explaining to do that night!

Good luck with Christine... :)

MCBias said...

Nuts are a good pick. Lots of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches help too; you get a double carb/fat whammy with the bread and the peanut butter. Basically, just upp your bread/potato/pasta intake. I did that last year kind of by mistake, and it worked wonders, unfortunately (looks down at stomach).

Jack Cobra said...

My girlfriend is a serial 'rent it and burn it' DVD the other week I was left at her apartment on a Friday afternoon while she was with a patient and I popped in 'Accepted' after my was better than expected. I followed it up with "The 'Burbs" starring Tom Hanks and it filled up my afternoon just right.

Also, have you ever seen that movie, 'Malibu's Most Wanted' with Jamie Kennedy? It seems to be on every time I go on travel and I get suckered into watching it.

Redhead said...

boo: What exactly is the sumo wrestler diet?'m not sure I'm going to be able to get over the visual that idea is giving me. I think I can honestly say I'd rather look sickly skinny (NOT a look I'm going for) rather than like a sumo wrestler. Guh...

Dave: Ooh, Tonkas. I do so love Tonka trucks. And as for peanut m&m's - truly one of the world's perfect foods.

bella: I have heard of Thomas the Train - good suggestion. As for the almond suggestion - I'm weird about nuts. Unfortunately I don't like them in desserts, main courses, or on their own - wrapped in chocolate or in the form of peanut butter works though.

mcbias: Weirdly I've been practically living off of pb&j sandwiches and pasta, and I haven't been gaining at all - in fact, I've been loosing. Hmmm, maybe I just need to up the amount. THAT I can do.

jack: Yes, I have seen Malibu's Most Wanted - totally not as bad as I thought it would be, but definitely not as good as Accepted (which I'm watching - again - right now). As for The Burbs - an all-time classic.

Bruce Paine said...

I can't say much about the diet except for this. My girlfriend was an athlete in college, and when we started dating she was very muscular (dudes call it "ripped") despite the fact that she was slender and ate like a horse. I have always found her attractive but I can't say that I always enjoyed the visual of cut abs on my lady. When she moved to Minnesota I wasn't able to see her very often and when i went up for the first time She had appeared to gain weight (though she had actually lost it) I was very...entertained by the visual of my cut girl turning into something more lithe and feminine so I asked what the deal was. She had always been a skim milk drinker but her apartment was next to an organic market that sold whole milk. She said it put more fat on her. I liked it. When she came home for Thanksgiving she was cut again and I asked her what happened and she said she switched back to skim because her clothes were getting tight. I guess what I am saying is that you should try drinking whole milk more often. It seemed to do a good job putting useful fat on my lady.

Oh, and if you decide to go against a Tonka (a great call) then you should consider a pair of sixshooter cap guns with holsters and a matching hat boots. Every kid deserves to think they are a cowboy once in a while.

And yes, I used the term fire crotch. i assure you it was a term of hilarity and not an std.

Anonymous said...

ok. that's it. i give up. no one gets my dry humor anymore. *hangs head and walks away*

Anonymous said...

oh, and here:

chankonabe baby.

Redhead said...

bruce: I HATE milk. I have tried putting it in my coffee (to help fatten me up), but I'm not really a milk in coffee person, so I find that I'm resentful of every drop of coffee I miss to make room for that milk. I'm all for milk products like ice cream though. Again, not really healthy though.

(Shaking my head - can't believe you brought up the firecrotch thing again.)

Can't do the cowboy gun thing - the family isn't into guns. My mother actually gave us water elephants when we were kids so we could play cowboys and indians with the neighbors (made us feel oh so cool). What can I say though, the lesson stuck.

boo: I appreciate your sense of humor! (Oh, and the picture on slate - fucking priceless.)

Anonymous said...

OK - everybody is thinking it, but no one is saying it - $180 for jeans?!?!?!?!? Seriously?

Redhead said...

Not even a little bit - designer jeans (what one wears when they go out - levis are fine for hanging around, but you would never go out at night in them) generally run anywhere from $170 to $300. I'm talking brands like Citizens of Humanity, James Jeans, J Jeans, True Religion, Seven, Paper Denim & Cloth, etc. Those are all brands I own and can't wear right now. (And yes, I spend too much on clothes BUT at least I know I don't want to have wasted it.)

That concludes our fashion lesson of the day.

Anonymous said...

Sorry - I shop in North Dakota - my bad. (hangs head in shame)

Bella said...

My fav...True Religion and Seven.

The right jeans can make ALL the difference in one's figure...

Redhead said...

anon: You know, the designer jean thing may be more of a NY thing - I used to try to wear my old, worn, comfy levis to bars and my friends gave me a hard time. It was an expensive lesson to learn. Plus...

bella: You're so right - really good jeans just look and fit so much better that there's really no comparison. In so many ways you really do feel like it's money well spent.

onthevirg said...

Re: The Yanks - Sox tightening up. I think I actually heard TK's head explode since he's been out LA way. He must be curled up in the fetal position right now. I hope they actually keep tanking so we might get home field through the playoffs.

OK, $180 for pair of jeans. What in the fuck?! I guess I'm just a unfashionable tard, cause there's no way in hell I'd drop more than $50 on a pair of jeans. If Levi's aren't good enough then screw it.

rs27 said...

I'm down with spending about $150 on a pair of jeans..You can wear those suckas out. But I also live in LA so if I dont spend $150, I won't get to meet celebs like Waldo "Geraldo" Faldo..

Anyone that gets that reference is my friend..I'm prepared to make that statement.

Jez said...

I'd suggest books for the kid. And you can read to him, too. Reading to kids is the best thing you can do other than just spend time talking and playing with them.

So when comes the point where you can't get a job in NYC and have to move to Iowa to find work?

I guess I don't feel so bad spending $90 for six 22 oz bottles of Dark Lord Russian Imperial Stout if you're spending close to $200 on a fucking pair of jeans.

Bella said...

Sorry but I have to butt in just once more...

rs27: I'm a huge fan of Family Matters. Gotta love Waldo (next to Steve Urkel that is).

Bruce Paine said...

If a gal can't wear her levis to a bar then that ass aint worth tapping. I only wear levis (501 button up 36" 32" in the mid range blue) and they are about 45 bucks a pop. I am always in possession of three pairs. I really get my money worth though. About two months ago jack and I were out at the bars and we got in a fight (I got in a fight, jack kept eating his pizza) and i ripped the inseam out of my favorite pair. That pair was first drawn over my shapely arse in the spring of 2001. they were still in good shape, too. It was a real shame. I am still broken up about it. And yeah, if you spend $180 bucks on jeans then i don't want to hear shit about being unemployed and poor. That is ridiculous. I want to say something about that being the reason you don't have a fella, but that is a low blow, its probably all the cursing you do anyway.

Redhead said...

onthevirg: I will not comment on the Yanks/Sox right now - I live in fear of jinxing anything. And as for you comment on the jeans: Bite me.

rs27: Thanks for the jeans support. (Oh, and I think you have a new friend in bella.)

jez: Iowa? Hmmm, random choice - I like it. As for the book suggestion, that is ALWAYS a good choice. I gave the nephew 5 new books a month for the first year of him life (that was my 'way to go being born' present), and it was the best gift I could have gotten. Plus there are so many good books for kids out there.

bella: Bella, meet rs27. Rs27, meet bella.

bruce: Oh, dude - you really do know how to piss me off, don't you? First of all, I bought those jeans when I was gainfully employed and could well afford them. I didn't use money that would have gone in savings, I didn't use money that should have gone to rent or bills, and I didn't use other people's money - I bought them on my own with money I had earned and have every right to spend however I saw fit. If other people take issue with how I choose to spend MY money, then I have to believe they're tools anyway and it's no great loss for me if I don't get to be their 'friend.' The fact that I don't want that money to end up being wasted, now that I don't have a job, has nothing to do with the original purchases. (Oh, and I've never had a man turn me down because I'm well-dressed either.) Having said all of that - if a man doesn't like the fact that I curse (and I do - like a truck driver)...fuck 'em. I don't curse at work, I don't curse in situations where it would be considered inappropriate, and I don't curse in front of kids. Everyone else can learn to live with it or not - not my problem.

TK said...


1. Don't talk about me when I'm not around. And my head didn't explode. And I didn't cry. But you may have heard my screams of rage. People in China probably heard them. I'm still recovering. For now, the Patriots and Badgers are keeping me from going on a homicidal rampage.

2. $180? on... jeans? Jesus. I'm sorry, whether you're from New York or North Dakota or the Netherlands, that's fucking insane. Completely and utterly insane.

Bruce Paine said...

hahaha, you are awesome. you could be building hospitals with the money you are spending on jeans, but i guess if they improve your self image (which my lady informs me is the reason for clothes) then i guess I can understand it. And i have to admit you called me out on the ass, if a 200 buck pair of jeans makes a girl's ass look good a dude will smack it. that was a heartless and incorrect statement. I apologize.

rs27 said...

Bella- Lets be friends. I saw Waldo once driving his car. I waved. He didn't wave back. I was hurt. I threw my bagel. He didn't care.

I stand by spending that much for jeans. Every girlfriend I've had has spent at least that much and has looked much better for it.

I think Chingy said it best.

"Damn girl, how'd you get all of that in dem jeans?"

Jack Cobra said...

My lovely girlfriend is 5'2" and complains that jeans are made too long for girls her size. She's always having to roll up the legs or doing whatever girls do.

She talks about having jeans tailored for her once she becomes a full fledged dentist in May. Whenever she says that I smile and just imagine how much easier my life is when she's happy. If spending more on jeans makes you happier, do it.

Redhead said...

tk: Obviously I won't speak ill of the Badgers, but the Patriots? Dude...obviously they're an awesome team, but they also embarrassed themselves and their fans with this whole cheating thing. I wouldn't look to them for my warm fuzzies right now. And as for the jeans issue - I'm not taking fashion advice from a Boston boy.

paine: Yes, I'm calling you Paine from now on - because you're a pain in my ass. You want to talk about charities - I give a TON of money to charities. I do volunteer work for the blind. I'm a fucking bleeding heart for the Humane Society - so get off my back about how I choose to spend the money I EARNED. And stop worrying about my self-esteem; I'm doing just fine.

rs27: Aw...see, friends are made every day on I'm Always Right.

jack: I agree with you and your girlfriend - jeans (and for that matter all clothes) look and feel better when they fit well. And since life is too fucking short, it should be all about seeing yourself and those you care about happy. Good man.

And yes everyone, I'm a little cranky right now - I missed my nap today.

TK said...

You gotta be fucking kidding me. YOU are gonna rip on the Patriots? The girl who roots for a baseball team rife with obvious steroid abusers (Giambi, Sheffield (former, yes)), a guy who slaps the ball out of people's hand, slides in high to second, and yells to distract infielders (A-Rod)? Seriously? Good Lord, woman. Not to mention that it's pretty much been acknowledged by other coaches that many teams do/did the same thing, they just weren't dumb enough to get caught. Spare me the holier-than thou.

And no matter where you're from, that much money for something that isn't either waterproof or has moving parts is nuts.