Tuesday, September 4, 2007

A Look Back

Alright, alright – I realize I should have written something for you guys over the weekend, BUT…I didn’t. I did go shopping though, and thanks to the generosity of my parents (shut up), I am now the proud owner of: Two new suits, three new blouses, a perfect little black dress, a new pair of shoes that make me want to whimper with pleasure, and a new purse. All of this looks absolutely fabulous with my new manicure and pedicure if I do say so myself. I feel…refreshed (and spoiled rotten – my favorite state of being).

Still, I know you guys don’t want to hear about that – you want pain, discomfort, and humiliation on my part. Well, aside from a killer hangover after a rather…interesting Saturday night, I’ve got nothing new for you. But I do have old stories – so it’s time for a flashback to some of Redhead’s more horrifying moments (recycled post-style – yes I’m giving you another half-asser, bite me). Ready?

-Men and women as friends doesn’t always work out the way it should: Part 1

-Men and women as friends doesn’t always work out the way it should: Part 2

-Green beer + one more guy than necessary + Redhead’s bad judgment = St. Patty’s Day

-Why drinking half a bottle of Rumplemintz is never a good idea.

-A life lesson: If a guy approaches you in a bar and spends an hour talking to you, it’s best not to assume he’s gay.

-Yup, I’m weird.

-An important rule: You NEVER know what’s going on in another person’s head – so don’t take anything personally.

-Turns out, not every guy wants me – when the fuck did that happen? Kidding, kidding. Oh, and I need to stop drinking in front of my family.

-Never date anyone who lives near you. Just don’t.

-Boy did I get ripped for this one.

-If you have a death wish, driving with me is a pretty good idea.

-I had a little fight with a spider a while back, and…um…it won.

Good God – and that’s not even all of them! Ah well, hope everyone had a good weekend. I’ll write more…eventually. I’m in cover letters and resumes up to my ass right now.


MCBias said...

No, no, please DO tell us about good things that happen to you. When I first got into blogging, I was shocked at how bad some people's lives were--seemed to be nothing but pain and rejection. Being the idealistic type, I decided to try to cheer those folk up...until I finally realized they were blogging only the bad parts of life, and probably had a better life than I did. :-p Stupid emo whiners, ha. Anyway, point is, please do tell us some good news too.

Diarrhea of the Mouth said...

Ok, I’m totally jealous that you have a cute outfit(s) that you look fabulous in it---bitch! Think your parents will adopt me and spoil me too?

I didn't read the past stories (I’m at work so I try to be careful about how I waste the company's time) but the headlines--funny.

Spider--I took a shower with like 10 of them once. Ran out of the shower buck ass naked and let the roommate kill them.

Not dating someone who lives close by--yeah, my roommate and I use to date. So he lives 10 feet away (sometimes closer--lol). Yeah you think I’m crazy.

TK said...

Jesus. This fucker might as well have had a stamp on it, the way you mailed it in.

Redhead said...

mcbias: I...I don't know what to do with that kind of positivity. Um...let me think and see what I can come up with on the "happy story" front.

dotm: I really don't normally let my parents spoil me like that, but my dad likes to buy me things, I just got laid off, and I NEEDED a new suit. Now did I need all the other stuff I got? Um...no, but I wanted it. AND I found it all in about 45 minutes, which is about my shopping limit anyway, so it all worked out. As for dating you roommate - wow, that was brave.

tk: Well, if anyone knows what mailing it in looks like, it would be you (OH, SNAP).

Diarrhea of the Mouth said...

we use to date, then became best friends and then moved in together.

now we have been living together for a year.

Bruce Paine said...

The proper definition of a CHODE is the as a synonym to the "gooch" "taint" or "gungus" The CHODE, as it were, is the place behind a man's balls between the sac and the arsehole. When exerting energy in a cardiovascular fashion, the CHODE can become a damp sweaty area and find itself in a condition fashionably referred to as "swamp crotch" or "ball rot". In activities like basketball or, God forbid, soccer, the situation can become out of control. Upon removal of vestments the CHODE area can produce a vile and disgusting scent due to the confined nature of the CHODE in "ball rot" conditions. This is the etymology of the derogatory form of CHODE.

Oh, and when my mom spoils me she cooks a ham.