Tuesday, September 25, 2007

I’m Tired and Sick

Yeah, so the title of this one sort of says it all – I’m tired and sickly today, so we’re keeping this one relatively short and unoriginal. Starting…now:

-Wait, does this make me more or less shallow?: So I’ve decided that I just can’t date the guy that my friend set me up with. Yes, he’s cute. Yes, he’s rich. Yes, he’s nice. In those ways, he’s the perfect sugar daddy for me. But he’s also a tool – I’ve decided that I just can’t overlook that. I mean, he actually belongs to one of those groups that gets together to play role-playing games. This is NOT someone that I could ever allow to bring me to orgasm. It’s a shame really – what a waste.

-And the hits just keep on coming: Christine was on her way to the airport on Saturday to go visit her parents (so they could actually see her and determine if she was okay after The Firing), and her purse was stolen on the train! She lost: All her credit cards, a good amount of cash, her license, her passport, and all the assorted goodies that she carries around with her. Since I was out of town for another Jewish holiday, and she couldn’t reach anyone else on the phone, she was literally stuck out by the airport for hours until she could get in touch with someone who would come get her (since they wouldn’t let her on the plane without ID) – she didn’t even have 2 bucks to take the train back to her apartment. I have now decided that she’s a walking disaster area and am keeping my distance until strike 3 hits (am I a good friend or what?).

-Look Ma, it’s a cake baby!: I literally ate so much food while at my parents house over the weekend (like we’re talking my body weight in food – it was an impressive show I put on), that I was sporting this bump that looked like the beginnings of a pregnant belly by the time dessert was over on Saturday night. I nicknamed it my cake baby, since it was primarily thanks to all the baked goods I’d inhaled. Just thought I’d share.

-Careful – Contagious: Despite knowing that both my nephews had colds, I still smothered them with hugs and kisses when I saw them on Saturday. I am now about 90% mucus. But you know what? I’d do it all again EXACTLY the same way – I have the cutest nephews.

-I am such a girl: So I watched the first episode of that new show Gossip Girl on Sunday. I don’t know what it is about me, but I love those soap opera-y shows that take place in high school; I’m actually more than a little worried that I’m now going to be a regular viewer. But shhh, don’t tell anyone.

-Whoopsie: So I’m having a conversation with this friend of a friend who (very nicely) offered to forward my resume along to a few people, and SOMEHOW we get on the topic of older men dating younger women. Anyway long story short, I said something along the lines of, “I don’t know why a 25 year old woman would date a 45 year old man.” “What about why he would date her?” he replied. “Well that’s pretty obvious,” I answered. “It’s because he can…and obviously because he’s insecure.” Cue awkward silence. Turns out this dude is almost 50 (he’s the friend of an older ex-coworker), and he just got out of a relationship with a 23 YEAR OLD. I…don’t think he’s going to continue helping me now. (P.S. Can anyone say ‘midlife crisis’?)

Cool. Talk to ya’ll again in a day or two.

11 comments:

Jack Cobra said...

Someone should say something to break this awkward silence.....hope you feel better.

toadely said...

-More
-Sucks!
-Delivery date?
-Lysol
-Secret's safe
-AWKWARD!!!

rs27 said...

Wait a second. He's cute, rich, nice and he has to bring you to orgasm?!?

That would be a lot of pressure. Good thing he can forget about that and go back to figuring out how to save the Princess from Bowser..

Anonymous said...

"-Wait, does this make me more or less shallow?: So I’ve decided that I just can’t date the guy that my friend set me up with. Yes, he’s cute. Yes, he’s rich. Yes, he’s nice. In those ways, he’s the perfect sugar daddy for me. But he’s also a tool – I’ve decided that I just can’t overlook that. I mean, he actually belongs to one of those groups that gets together to play role-playing games. This is NOT someone that I could ever allow to bring me to orgasm. It’s a shame really – what a waste."

Um, it might mean you don't like sex?

garfalbargle said...

She likes sex, she's just a shallow, overly picky bitch.

So it's wrong for an older man to date younger women, but it's perfectly ok for a woman to be on the lookout for a sugar daddy. Except he has to be rich, nice and cute...but can't have any hobbies or interests that don't jive with what is considered "cool" in certain small-minded, vapid peoples' worlds. That, apparently makes him a "tool".

Conflict much?

The Brooklyn Boy said...

Cake baby.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I had one of those after breaking my fast and going to the Ponderosa Steakhouse all-u-can-eat. It was glorious.

TK said...

Red, you know I love ya, but... garfalbargle, despite being an obnoxious shit about it, has a point. Not about his name calling, which was lame and cowardly (seriously, dude. If you're gonna call names, don't do it anonymously. That's just chickenshit), but about that apparent little bit of hypocrisy. But then, there's no rule that says you gotta be consistent, so fuck it.

I am LOVING the term "cake baby". Loving it. Like, trying to find other reasons to use it kind of loving it.

Redhead said...

jack: Thanks - it's been one of those really depressing days where I bought ice cream as sort of a 'feel better' thing for myself, and it ended up being a complete waste because I couldn't even TASTE it!

toadely: Cool name.

rs27: I'm all about putting pressure on men. As for Princess and Bowser...um, what?

anon: Nope, I'm pretty sure that's not what it means.

garfalbargle: See I knew this was going to happen when I started making fun of role playing games and the people who play them - someone was going to take it personally and lash out at me for calling them a tool.

brooklyn boy: I think what you had was called a Steak Baby.

tk: Aw, tk - coming to my defense? I will say this and then leave it all alone: I'm human, which means I'm not terribly consistent by nature. Having said that, I will only add that I can't date sugar daddy guy (who is not older than I am) because I wouldn't respect myself or him if I did, just as I couldn't respect a 50 year old for dating a 23 year old - if you're old enough to have fathered someone, maybe you should realize that it will look bad to others if you date them. If that still doesn't bother you, then what the fuck do you care what I think anyway, right?

Feel free to steal the cake baby term tk, I won't tell.

onthevirg said...

You, my young lady friend, are about as smooth as 5 grit sandpaper. And no, I doubt he's going to put much effort into helping you anymore.

*Newsflash* You mean women have a double standard about older men dating younger women?! You've got to be fucking kidding me. I'm just shocked. Shocked I tell you!

rs27 said...

Red- I'm talking about the Super Mario Bros video game. Mario tries to save the princess from the evil hands of bowser.

Ok that may have been a bit geeky. But I have $150 jeans, dammit!

Bruce Paine said...

The love affair is over red, while i don't play RPGs, you can't bash a guy for his hobbies. That is the same thing as me bashing you for having expensive jeans. I am nearing 30 and i still get together with my buddies and play RISK occasionally. I still play video games. I sculpt models. I read comic books. Does that mean i am a geek? I also play a decent infield, hunt large animals, play a heck of a middle linebacker, and drink beer and belch with the best of them. Does that make me too masculine? Oh, and my girl comes every time and never just once.

P.S. Cake Baby is the funniest thing I have read, heard, seen is 6 days. I laughed till i had to pee. I am now telling everyone i have a Beer Baby.