Friday, June 13, 2008

I Seem to Be in a Good Mood

I’m sorry dear readers, it seems I’ve been neglecting you…again (blame Ronaldo’s abs, I can’t seem to focus on much else while the Euro’s are going on). And while I keep meaning to write about an article I read in last Sunday’s New York Times, well, let’s just say I haven’t found the time to do that yet. So to tide us all over until I get my head out of my ass, here is a little more Random Redhead to carry us into the weekend:

-While visiting my sister in DC last weekend, we were in the middle of discussing how much nicer the Metro is than the NYC Subway system when we hit something. I’m not sure what it was (it made a loud noise, rocked the train, and sent sparks up outside the windows), but as for what it was…nope, I still have no idea. But the point I’m trying to make here is that this little incident barely slowed the Metro down. I’m talking true efficiency here people! (Yes, I realize some people would be concerned about this sort of incident, but as a person who takes a lot of public transportation I can say it really is all about just getting to your destination – accidents, fires, whatever along the way are just distractions.) Ooh, speaking of fires I think there was one!

Yeah, so after the thump, sparks, and ‘what the fuck was that?’ we pulled into the next station. Realizing that whatever had just happened had knocked out the A/C in our car (and it was fucking HOT out that day), we stepped out onto the platform - not to let this train go and get on another one (although some people did – pussies) - no we got out to move to another car WITH A/C. And that’s when we realized that the entire back of the train was sort of enveloped in smoke. Hmmmm. Not ones to panic, Sister and I just headed towards the front of the train (an air-conditioned car of course) to sit down and wait out the delay. And let me just say it didn’t even take them a long time to get moving again! We were pulling out within 15 minutes or so.

So with that ringing endorsement, I tell you people this – the DC Metro is the way to go.

-Oh, funniest moment of the weekend – so we’re coming out of the Metro late Friday night, and there is a dude who is obviously drunk walking in front of us singing. Pretty normal, right? Well, sort of – the problem here was that he was singing ‘You Oughta Know’ by Alanis Morissette. Kind of an odd choice, right? I mean, isn’t that pretty much the LAST song a guy would choose to sing, like, ever? And to think that this guy, obviously drunk, surrounded by a group of buddies, got the idea in his head (and deduced that it was a good idea - you know, since he went ahead with it) to pull out the most pissed off, scorned woman song of the last 20 years to sing, and actually belted that motherfucker out… Yeah, it was AWESOME. I love shit like that.

Not surprisingly, I found this endlessly amusing at the time (and still do actually) – I may not have been 100% sober myself then – and almost collapsed on the floor of the station laughing. I mean, I found myself really, really, REALLY wanting to hear him sing the ‘down on you in a theater’ line, but Drunk Guy noticed my amusement before he got to that point (damnit). Instead he decided to change things up entirely so he could serenade me with…’Your Body Is A Wonderland.’ Since Drunk Guy kind of looked like a frat guy (or Frat Guy around here), this song made much more sense coming out of his mouth. But I have to say, Drunk Guy, I liked you so much more when you were singing random angry chick rock.

Still, 2 thumbs up to Drunk Guy and his excellent yet unexpected song choice. I have to say, sometimes life can be so entertaining.

-I start to wonder about myself sometimes. An example: So my grandmother is up visiting my parents (no, that doesn’t stress my mom out at all), and somehow I got roped into dinner and a show on Tuesday night (when NYC was doing a fine imitation of what I imagine Hell feels like – seriously, it’s been REALLY hot here). So after meeting my mom and grandmother at Virgil’s for dinner (yay BBQ even though I’m a freaking vegetarian!), and drinking something called Fall Off the Porch Iced Tea (yum), I found myself sitting through Phantom of the Opera – a show I haven’t seen since high school. Now all of that was fine and was really just a lead-in to what an asshole I am.

So during intermission I’m talking to my mother (sidenote: call me a dork, I don’t care, but I LOVE the music from Phantom), and I guess I came out with this gem about the lead female character in the show ‘She’s a whore.’ I just threw it out there because…well, she’s a little whore who treated the Phantom like shit and I hate that selfish bitch – after all he did for her she freaks out because he’s not HANDSOME enough?! But, yet again, I digress. Anyway, so I tossed my opinion out there and then belatedly remembered that my 87-year-old grandmother was sitting on my other side. And, you know, even I know you’re not supposed to call someone a whore in front of your grandmother. So after taking a moment to compose myself a bit, I turned to offer up an apology to the woman who had raised my very conservative and straightlaced father. Only before I could speak she hit me with, ‘Don’t bother apologizing Redhead, I know what you’re like; you can’t shock me anymore.’

And all I could think was, is that a good thing or a bad thing? Was it an affectionate ‘I know what you’re like’ or a resigned ‘I know what you’re like’? Hmmm, it’s probably best not to overthink this.

-Men, if you’re wearing a suit you cannot – let me repeat that – you CANNOT carry a backpack. Just forget it; if you’re going to dress like an adult then you have to go all the way with it. Briefcase or man-purse, those are your options. OK?

-I send a 20 lb. box of books to my nephews every two months or so, and I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m overdoing it. I mean I get a lot of books because of my job (and I need to clean out my shelves every…well, two months or so to make room), and I know that supposedly you can never have too many books, but I really am starting to wonder if that’s true.

There was really no point to that last paragraph, it was just rolling around in my head so I decided to share.

-Now I’m getting tired and I need to prepare for a meeting. In the meantime – just because I can’t help myself – here’s another hot as hell picture of Cristiano Ronaldo. (I swear I’m going to get over this crush soon; he’s not even my type! It’s his neck I think. I REALLY want to suck on his neck…um, but not in a weird way.) Enjoy. Or not…whatever.


rs27 said...

There's not one chick that would be into the Phantom. I stand by this statement.

Bruce Paine said...

After a particularly vicious wedding in DC (I pulled in to my buddies house after an 11 hour drive at 1 am because I had to present a defense of a geopolitics paper that afternoon and his bitch fiance had the unmitigated balls to hand me my own personalized itinerary complete with highlighted tasks I was to perform starting at 6 am and no you filthy bitch, wherever you are, my parents did not spend a fortune on an orthodontist, sometimes country folk just have nice teeth) some friends and I went a drinkin. We were conducted through a very clean metro system to what we were told was the tallest escalator in the world. It was turned off, which made it just another tall set of stairs. After getting good and stinky in the bar to a beer bill of $500 we slunk back to the metro to find the stairs still inoperable. It became the the world's bumpiest slip and slide. Painful.

Redhead said...

rs27: Hey, don't lump all chicks together - I have depth! (Um, ignore the man-candy I've been posting up here lately...OK, I have my weaknesses!)

paine: Well, I think it goes without saying that Paine ISN'T in a good mood today. Deep breaths, deep breaths. (Remind me to run if you ever end up in the NYC Subway system - you don't know unmitigated hell until you know the subway in NY in the middle of the summer...during rush hour.)

Mr. Thursday said...

I used to work an office job that required, depending on the day and task, anything from "business casual" to a suit. I biked to work. I wore a backpack. One of those single strap deals, but, definitely, not a man-purse, nor a briefcase. The worst anyone could say about the whole thing was that I looked Dutch. I can live with that.

Also, I concur re: Phantom. She's a whore.

SocialTyrant said...

So right on the backpack's Redhead!

Also, keep the mancandy coming! It's definately a pull to your blog (apart from the hilarity).