-So I ended things with Fancy Pants – yes, I know it was inevitable. Still, he was considerably more pissed about it than I had anticipated; I believe his parting words to me were ‘Have a nice fucking life!’ My thoughts on this: I forgot the golden rule that when you’re breaking up with someone, never EVER do it in your own home. Because if you’re stuck at home with this person and they become, oh I don’t know, verbally abusive let’s say, you can’t leave. You seriously have to just sit there and take it for as long as they want to dish it out. And that’s not as much fun as it sounds.
But if you dump someone pretty much anywhere that’s not your own turf, you can just LEAVE when they start doing shit like calling you a bitch, listing all your flaws one by one, or even possibly throwing out the ‘you’re going to die alone’ line (who fucking DOES that?!). Yeah, these are memories I’m building here people. Memories.
-Just to top off my weekend, I was telling my mother about the breakup from hell – she had never met Fancy Pants (why would she?), but like everyone else she disliked him on first description – and somehow I found myself in a deep discussion with her about my love life and why I date the kind of men I date. Well, discussion/lecture, tomato/tomahto. Either way I found myself the recipient – for the second time that weekend – of a verbal smackdown (this time it was well-intentioned at least). The sentence ‘When are you going to settle down and give me grandchildren?’ might have been uttered.
-I cleaned the shit out of my apartment this weekend (it seemed best to just lock myself inside away from the world with the way things were going). I mean, I lifted the mattress and box spring up and cleaned under the bed! I scrubbed the bathtub! I went through all my papers and actually threw stuff out for once! I also – in a big change for me – switched up the bedding from my normal dark red comforter/dust ruffle thingy (it seemed too dark for the summer), to a pretty light blue and white flowered comforter/dust ruffle thingy. It’s…well, it’s freaking me out a little bit with how girly it is, but still…I think (maybe) I like it. It’s kind of pretty. Plus, it’s good to change things up every once in a while. Right?
Either way, the apartment looks awesome right now. I’m thinking of getting myself a new couch too.
-I passed a guy on the street yesterday who was holding a sign that read ‘Please give money for beer.’ No shit, he was blatantly asking for alcohol money. And I have to say, considering it was gorgeous out and I was stuck in an office all day (I was just running out for lunch at the time), I didn’t begrudge this guy an ice-cold beer. Hell, I was fucking envious. So I gave him a buck. I didn’t give anything to the homeless guy on the corner of course, but I gave money to the 20-something guy standing a block away asking for beer money (and not looking homeless). I’m seriously going to hell any day now.
-It’s the little things in life that annoy me. Like the chick who got on the train this morning for example – sunglasses on underground (an all-time pet peeve of mine), too-tight clothes on her too-plump body, hair styled to within an inch of its life, reallllly long fake nails, etc. But none of that set me off. What set me off was that she was holding a bagel by the tips of her fake nails and was licking the cream cheese off like she was auditioning for a porno or something. And you could just TELL she thought she looked hot.
It. Drove. Me. Nuts.
So I did what I always do in these situations – I waited until she glanced over at me, gave her a blatant once over, got sort of an ‘ewww’ expression on my face, and then looked her in the eye and laughed at her. She turned bright red and got off at the next stop. Sometimes it’s nice to take a person down a peg or two…just because I can.
I deserve all the bad things that happen to me. Don’t I?
-My assistant just came over with a book sample and pricing for me to review, and in the book was a picture of three cute little piglets (awwww). Only Ass (my new nickname for my assistant) then took the opportunity to tell me the story of how she once dissected a pig in Biology class. Now let me ask you guys a question – do you know anyone in the world who would want to hear that story LESS than I would? I’m a fucking vegetarian because I like animals more than people for fuck’s sake!
-Speaking of vegetarianism, it’s been over a year guys – who out there actually thought I’d make it this long? I have to say that one of the coolest things about having done this is simply knowing that I CAN. I mean think about it, I was an animal lover who ate meat because…well, because I liked it. But I decided I was going to stop cold-turkey, and I FUCKING DID! No one was holding me to it (hell, no one wanted me to do it), the cravings were shockingly strong at times (I capital letters MISS cheeseburgers), and yet I NEVER broke down. Not once. And I did it through sheer willpower. Knowing I’m capable of that, that I'm that fucking tough mentally, is…pretty goddamn cool actually.
-I’m going to the game tomorrow night with John. Yes, that’s right – I think he MAY have forgiven me for my multitude of sins against him. Well, either that or he’s taking advantage of my awesome seats right near first base in Yankee Stadium. Hmmmm, I guess there’s also the chance (considering the week I’ve been having) that he’s both using me for my seats (understandable) AND going to take this opportunity to tell me off (which I admittedly deserve). At the game…where I’m guaranteed not to leave. Hence stuck being told off with nowhere to go. Again.