Thursday, July 5, 2007

It’s Dangerous Out There

-I have been driving all week, and so far, NO ACCIDENTS!!! I am a fucking machine behind the wheel - other drivers wish they were as in command as I am! Oh, but I did realize yesterday that I’ve been doing this (totally fucking awesome) driving with an expired license. So I should get right on fixing that…at some point. Soon.

-Yes, I have been drinking. This is Redhead…after a few drinks.

-Who knew you could get a sunburn on an overcast day? Well, I know…now. Yes my friends, I am burned, I am in pain, I have been self-medicating with both vodka AND scotch. And I am smarter now because of it! Some thoughts: I think that taking a shower with a sunburn sucks. I think that having your boyfriend rub lotion on your sunburn is nice. I think then fooling around with your boyfriend after he’s rubbed the lotion on you but before the sunburn has actually gone away is painful. And I KNOW that I have more freckles now than I did this morning. Fucking sunburn.

-I think that US Magazine is drastically overestimating my interest in Jessica Simpson and her weight. I JUST DON’T FUCKING CARE!!!

-Speaking of US Weekly - Nicole Richie is pregnant? Seriously? That’s…that just can’t be good.

-I think this humidity has increased the volume of my hair by at least three times; I also think NY Guy’s a liar! He told me he thinks my hair looks sexy now. I told him he’s full of shit and I now will no longer believe anything he says ever again. He just handed me another drink and said ‘Okay.’ Yum, he’s adorable.

-If you eat an entire tray of brownies, can in make your ass look fat the next day? I mean, I only have another day or two of bikini wearing here, is it possible that today’s gluttony will not come back to bite me in the - um, ass - tomorrow? Who do I have to make a deal with for this to be the case? Is the devil anywhere nearby? Yoo hoo…

-You know what’s a good cocktail that no one in America drinks? Pimms. It’s…mmmmm.

-Taking a walk in the rain feels great - relaxing, liberating, kind of childlike and playful, yet sexy. I can’t believe I don’t do that more often.

-Here’s a totally random question: Is the sex on Cinemax real? You see, I’m staying at a place that has Cinemax, and their late night programming is…yeah; I’m getting why they call in Skinimax now. Anyway, so it’s clearly soft core porn since you never see penetration (or any of the men’s goodies - which I don’t think is fair), but I’m assuming that doesn’t necessarily mean there isn’t penetration going on. Right? Because it really does look like they’re having sex there. But are they? Does anyone have the answer to this? Are they doing it and just not showing us, or are they just simulating? I find myself really needing the answer to this right now.

Yeah, so I know I’ve sucked this week, and I would feel bad if I wasn’t on vacation. I would also feel bad if you were all paying me, but you’re not so fuck it. I’ll be back next week with posts that are (hopefully) a little more thought out (no promises though). Have a great weekend - go out and have a drink and think of me.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Red,

Getting sunburn does suck. I was returming years ago from Austin and stopped for the afternoon/night at Gulf Shores, Alabama. I didn't realize how bad the burn was until I tried to get to some sleep. Three hours later I checked my ass out of the hotel and got back on the road, figuring I might as well get closer to home if I was miserable. I will never forget that.

Please remember that brownies are good for you. Your consideration for your soul outweighs your ass on this one.

Have a great weekend.

Dave

TK said...

1. No, the sex on Cinemax is NOT real.

2. Many guys (including myself) think freckles are hot.

3. You'd be surprised at the number of things guys really DO think are sexy that girls don't. Your hair might be one of them.

4. You're quite the blabbermouth when drunk.

Redhead said...

Dave: I like the soul vs. ass idea - but I'd probably be a fat cow if I actually believed that. Thanks for helping me delude myself though.

tk: 1) Really? Are you sure? Because sometimes it really looks real.
2)You're insane - freckles aren't hot.
3) My hair is HUGE right now. It's not like it was straight to begin with.
4) I'm awesome when I'm drunk, and don't you forget it.

TK said...

Bitch, I have freckles. Why you gotta hate?

And I'm sure your hair is huge. Just like I'm sure NYguy doesn't give a fuck.

Did I just call you bitch? Wow, I totally didn't mean that. But I'm not deleting it.

onthevirg said...

I think the sex is real. I'm sure that those guys have boners that are getting stuck somewhere.

I think freckles are more cute than hot. On the right girl.

The only interest I have in Jessica Simpson is if she was naked in front of me.

The Chupacabra is having a kid (who is absolutely cursed before being born).

Big Redhead perm = comical.

We've got a bottle of Pimms and it's not all that great. Maybe I'm mixing it w/ the wrong stuff.

I was thinking about closing w/ a completely inappropriate joke, but I'll restrain myself.

Redhead said...

tk! You called me a bitch! That's so...accurate. And hey, I have freckles too. If you think they're sexy, all the more power to you. I always leaned more towards them being cute - and I've just never been the type of girl that anyone EVER called cute.

onthevirg: Fuck you, I don't look like I have a perm. It's more...frizzy. Let's not talk about it any more. Pimms is good with ginger ale (mmmmm). Plus, it gets you surprisingly drunk (and doesn't taste like it should).
I too think at least some of the sex on Cinemax is real, but I'm willing to hear arguments to the contrary.
And now, tell us the inappropriate joke - never restrain yourself on this site.

onthevirg said...

OK you asked for it:
"...go out and have a drink and think of me."

If I'm going to be thinking about you, drinking isn't exactly going to be the activity I'm engaged in.

Yep, inappropriate sums it up.

Redhead said...

Dude!

TK said...

OK, Onthevirg is officially creepy.

Awesome!

onthevirg said...

See...I told you. I know how to go creepy right people.