Wednesday, September 24, 2008


Let me preface this post by saying I’m not boy crazy. Yes, I’ve dated a lot of men in the past (fuck it, I’m single and live in NYC), and yes, I flirt a lot. But trust me when I say I spend more nights sitting at home in my pajamas than I do going out and partying. OK, just wanted to get that out there before telling this story:

So I go to the elevator at the end of the day yesterday and am (as usual) not paying any attention when it comes. Basically this means I don’t look up when I step into the car because I’m too busy searching for my iPod (most often buried in my purse under lipstick, pens, random receipts, and tampons).

Anyway, imagine my surprise when I finally look up and find myself standing next to a ridiculously hot guy. In a work elevator (that really never happens). Tall, dark, handsome, etc., etc. My first thought was ‘Damn, I hope he didn’t see the tampons.’ This was followed quickly by my second thought of ‘This guy looks kind of familiar, but I’m SURE I would’ve remembered him if we’d worked together...I think.’

So trying not to stare, I spent a couple of seconds trying to place him. Finally I gave up and decided we must have passed in the hallway at some point. And since we apparently work for the same company and all, it’s only right that I be friendly and say hello…

Redhead: Hi, I’m Redhead.
Gorgeous: Yeah, I know.
Redhead: (Quickly trying to figure out if this means we have worked together, or whether this means he’s gone out of his way to learn my name from someone else in the company, which would be AWESOME.)
Gorgeous: It’s been a while though. I didn’t know you were working here.
Redhead: (Huh, ookkkayyy. So I’m guessing this means we actually know each other. And we know each other from…nope. I have no FUCKING clue. SHIT! What do I say now? Do I pretend to remember him? And how exactly does one forget a hottie like this? Is this some sign of early senility? Should I be concerned? What the fuck is wrong with me?!)
(Long pause)
Redhead: Yeah, I’ve been here for about a year. You?
Gorgeous: A little less…

Blah, blah, blah. You get the point – I tried to make small talk on the LONGEST elevator ride ever, and then ran for it when we finally reached the lobby. And all the while I was wondering what my problem was. How had I forgotten this guy? And more importantly, WHERE did I know him from? It was like it was right on the tip of my tongue (or back of my brain – you know what I mean) and I COULDN’T GRAB IT! And it was driving me NUTS.

Finally, after going home, eating dinner, watching some tv, and relaxing enough to begin to fall asleep, it hit me…

HOLY SHIT! I DATED that guy. Years ago. And it was more than one date too. Yet I totally blanked on it, him, etc. Is that normal? In fact, let me pose the question again: What’s wrong with me?

Cliffs Notes version of how we met: A few years ago I was out with Christine celebrating my birthday. At some point we ended up a bar with a bunch of her business school friends. While in the middle of a conversation, Christine looked around, spotted someone, and said under her breath to me, ‘I just figured out what I’m giving you for you birthday.’

‘More drinks?’ I asked (see, I’m easy).

‘Nope,’ she replied, ‘better.’ And with that she called Gorgeous over – he was in her class at Columbia. She introduced us, made herself scarce, and I took care of the rest. He was a very, very nice present.

But as with all my relationships, it ended. I moved on, (apparently) forgot him, and was totally fine with that. Until now. Now I’ve been reminded of how cute he is (and what a spaz I am). And…yeah, I’m screwed.

Conclusion: This can really only go badly for me in the long run. Gorgeous works for the same company I do, I’ve already made a fool of myself in front of him once, I feel distinctly uncomfortable around him now, and I’m currently taking a break from men. Yeah. So…who wants to put odds on how long it will take me to do something (else) stupid? Anyone? Anyone?


Anonymous said...

With your luck and the way you stumble into things, I would like to hire you to find needles in haystacks. All you would have to do is walk around barefoot and you would easily find them all.

Bruce Paine said...

What do you consider "stupid"?

Redhead said...

anon: Cool, how much do you pay?

paine: Me.