Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Girls Are Weird

There’s a girl in my office who’s getting married this weekend. She’s been planning the wedding for-fucking-ever, but I’m pretty good at tuning people out so it never really got on my nerves before now. (Generally speaking, if I’m not related to you or I’m not REALLY good friends with you, I don’t care what your dress looks like, what flowers you’re going to carry, or what ‘color-scheme’ you’re going for. That’s just an FYI.) But this week…holy shit.

Don’t get me wrong, I know weddings take a lot of planning, are (unnecessarily) expensive, and can stress a (relatively) normal person out. I understand all of this. I just don’t want to hear about it. But holy shit there are a lot of women who do.

Note: I’m not a monster or a bitter spinster, I swear to you I’m not, but I don’t understand big weddings. They just seem so wasteful. And yes, unnecessary. I say give me a beach, family, and a HUGE cake (shut up, we all have our thing), and I’d be good to go. It would be like a vacation/wedding, no superfluous people needed or invited. Perfect, right? But where was I?

Oh yes, the squealing. What’s with all the fucking squealing?

Let me explain – for the past 2 weeks, every time the bride-to-be has mentioned the wedding, all the women in the office have starting squealing. And it’s getting on my fucking nerves. I swear to God they’re making noises only dogs can hear. Is this a female thing? Please tell me I’ve never made those sounds in my life, I…I just couldn’t live with myself if I have. I mean, no wonder men think we’re all insane – at least a good majority of us just might be.

Horrifying thought for the day.

That is all.


Bruce Paine said...

Guys think about weddings too. Well, at least this one has thought to this point and no further: Everybody bring your lawn chair. We'll supply the chow and the beer. Jeans are fine for everyone except me and my dad as long as you don't look like a total fucking scrub. Men need to be clean shaven and have hair cuts. that's it.

Alex said...

As someone who has been up close and personal with the business end of planning a wedding (related note: anyone want to buy a slightly used engagement ring?), I have to say that a beach + family + cake sounds pretty damn good to me.

Redhead said...

paine: Hmmm, thinking of weddings are you? My overriding thought as I read about your dream wedding - ONLY beer?! Come on man, spring for a full bar (your friends and family will thank you).

alex: Not to be insensitive, but I'm going to need to hear the 'slightly used engagement ring' story. Like now. Feel free to email it to me if you don't want to share it with the world. Oh, and of course the obligatory: Poor baby! Big virtual hug and kiss! She didn't deserve you!

Bruce Paine said...

Beer meant full bar, it just took less typing. I don't intend to drink beer at my wedding, just champagne (though it will probably be spumante instead) and maybe White Russians as an aperitif so I don't eat much. I don't intend to be beer bloated or suffer from whiskey dick on my wedding night.

The IT Girl said...

Aaaargh I HATE wedding talk. Always have, always will. Some women are mental (and sound like they've sucked a helium balloon) when they get started on weddings.

'Like ohmigod we HAVE to have that colour napkin! Any other napkin would be horrifying!'

Me: 'It's a freakin NAPKIN.'

Was sat waiting for an interview a couple of months back and behind me were a couple who were having their wedding at that place. The chat was so irritating I had to move after 3 whole minutes.

Some of us just aren't 'into' the whole wedding thing.

Informant said...

I hate three things.

1) Girls who hate on weddings because you know down deep they are dying to have their own.

2) The word 'colour'. Too many vowels.

3) Pandas