So I’ll admit, I was a little cranky this morning. I’m working on this freelance gig for a very demanding and more than a little eccentric guy, and it’s already starting to drive me insane (the dude emails and calls me up to 5 times a day – I’m writing a book proposal for him – and I don’t walk to ANYONE that much). Anyway, I’m using that as my defense. What happened, you ask? Well…
I’m standing on the train this morning, dealing with the usual subway bullshit, when this lardass woman who was sitting in front of me actually leaned forward in her seat (thereby forcing me to back up into the mass of humanity all around me or risk getting her face in my crotch), and stretched. I looked at her incredulously after this, and all she did was lower her eyes and pretend she didn’t realize what she’d done (pussy).
Meanwhile I was already annoyed with her, because there was a little 4-year-old boy STANDING next to me while this beached whale SAT. So I gave her my most withering look, said point blank to her face ‘Well, you do look like you need the extra room,’ and turned to find another place to stand (like far, far away from the scene of the crime).
I would like to point out at this juncture that the Massive Behemoth was not only fat, but she also looked kind of tough. Like she could kick my ass with one hand tied behind her back tough. Hell, she could sit on me and I’d probably expire. Yet still I opened my big mouth and insulted her.
And as I was walking away all I could think was ‘I’m going to die. I can’t believe I just did that!’ I mean, I’m a keep-my-mouth-shut-and-just-think-bad-thoughts type of person, ESPECIALLY on the train (in other words, I’m not stupid…normally). Yet this morning, not so much.
Long story short, I’m sitting here writing this post so it turns out she didn’t kill me. I also got some of my latent aggression out while scaring the shit out of myself, so I see that as a kind of positive exorcism. Hell, it might even end up being a good thing – I got my stupid out for the day before even hitting the office. How’s everyone else out there? Who else almost got their asses kicked before 8 in the morning? Anyone?