Alex

So I was going to write about the joys (or not if you’re traveling with me) of the road trip today. I was going to talk about picking the right road trip partner, stocking the car with food, not falling asleep on your companion, etc. I was doing this because I’m driving down – well, actually a friend of mine is driving (she’s not stupid enough to put me behind the wheel) – to DC this weekend, and 4 hours in a car with me is a challenge. Imagine what 15 hours would do to someone – just ask my college boyfriend.

Quick story: So college boyfriend and I were going to my parents’ house for spring break one year (he’d never been to NY before), and we decided to drive all the way from school (roughly a 15 hour trip). Boyfriend must have lost his mind to want to do that with me. Anyway, he quickly realized that a) I don’t sit in the car for long periods of time well, and b) I don’t do well when spending long periods of time with one person – unfortunately it was too late when he realized this. Long story short, when we arrived at my parents’ house, he got out of the car looking like he’d just been to hell. When my mother saw him, she smiled and asked, “How was she?” His reply? “She got MEAN towards the end.” Needless to say, my mom was not surprised.

Anyway, I WAS going to go into the road trip rules today (the very ones I don’t follow) and tell a longer, more involved version of the above story. But I got distracted. By what you ask? Why, by the NY Post Stray-Rod story. Why, you ask? Because I’m a Yankees fan? Well…not exactly. You see, there’s something you don’t know about me (on purpose). And I guess the time has come to come clean: The thing is…the truth is…(deep breath)…I’ve always had a thing for A-Rod.

Shut up.

It happened a long time ago, and I’ve just never been able to shake it. I sort of fell for him when he was with Seattle and I was too young to know better. I mean, the combination of his talent, his face (and NO, he does not have purple lips), and his body (especially his ass) were just too much for me to fight. He just DID IT for me. Still does. (Stop laughing.) So even though he’s pissed me off and done stupid things many times throughout the years, I still always liked him. Liked him/wanted him – the specifics aren’t important. What is important is that this crush is not a secret amongst my friends. As a matter of fact, EVERYONE knows.

So when the NY Post put him on the cover yesterday – in what appeared to be a very compromising position – I heard about it. Repeatedly. And I felt...disappointed. Not by his bad behavior and implied infidelity – I’ve heard the rumors about him before. Nope. I was disappointed by his choice in women.

The chick he was photographed with in Toronto wasn’t even cute. A-Rod can do better. Hell, he can do…um, nevermind.

Besides being disappointed about the woman, I was disappointed with his stupidity. I mean, he was so busted! Not only did he allow himself to be photographed with another woman, but they were obviously followed all night. Did it not occur to him to at least have her go up to his hotel room in a different elevator? Jesus dude, if your going to seemingly* cheat, you’ve got to be smarter than that.

I mean, there’s ‘media challenged’ and then there’s just ‘Hello, I’m a moron.’ And I think we all know where Alex falls right now.

Um, let me say this quickly and get it out of the way – I realize I’m making light of this situation, and the reason I’m doing so is because I’m not personally involved. If I was, I can assure you Alex would be lying in a ditch somewhere – I don’t share well and I have a bit of a temper (in case you haven’t noticed). But as an outsider I am free to just sit back and enjoy the pure gossip overload that is going on here. And I am. Like everyone else, I enjoy rumors and scandal – it is quite literally in every human being’s DNA – but that doesn’t mean that I’m completely heartless. I realize A-Rod is married - that he has a wife and child out there and they don’t think this is funny. I get it, and I genuinely feel for them. But at the end of the day, this blog is all about me, and let’s not forget that. So please, no one send me any emails calling me a bitch – I’m already aware of that fact.

So A-Rod, if you’re out there, let’s sum up:
1) Don’t cheat.
2) If you’re going to cheat, pick a hot chick (might as well make it worthwhile).
3) If you’re out on a date with someone who isn’t your wife, don’t let yourself be photographed with her.
4) I’m a bitch and it’s all about me.
5) I’m once again embarrassed to have a crush on you (but that won’t stop me from having it).

Alright, that’s it kiddies. I’m leaving town tomorrow, so don’t expect a Friday post, have a great weekend, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. (Wait, no, scratch that. I’m a poor role model/moral compass. Um…just try not to get arrested.)

*Let us keep in mind that we don’t know what happened in that hotel room. We only have common sense and conjecture.

Update: Been reading the morning papers - boy, A-Rod sure does like strip clubs! And muscular, 'she-male' type women. There go my chances.