Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Be Nice!

Okay everyone, I realize my posting has been lackluster of late, but bite me - cut a girl some slack! My home computer caught a nifty little virus that prompted it to start downloading porn (against my will), and I was not exactly feeling the love when everyone I knew a) didn't believe it was against my will and was frankly SHOCKED by some of my porn choices (as was I), and b) thought this whole porn fiasco was hysterical and didn't realize just how fucked I was until...the virus started stealing personal information from me (ed. note: FUCK!, I'm in the middle of acquiring all new bank accounts and credit cards right now), and eventually destroyed my laptop so that it doesn't even turn on. Needless to say I'm a little disheartened at the moment. But please, yell at me for not updating! Bring it on!

OK, I'm leaving the office early to go pick up my new Mac laptop (which set me back a grand I didn't want to spend), but I'll try to update in the next day or two so I can entertain you fuckers. Shit...does anyone have any funny stories they can share right now? I'm in desperate need of a laugh.


mcbias said...

Have you heard the one about the man who procrastinated on a major presentation to most of the important people at his workplace until the night before? It's hilarious! Oh wait, that's me...not so much. Anyway, so sorry to hear about the computer troubles; those are always so frustrating.

TK said...

Seriously, you really need to ease up on the porn.

Bruce Paine said...

There is a not really funny story about me nearly getting arrested for masturbating in my dorm room window during my freshman year. I had an alibi. I am asked to tell the story at get togethers fairly often and every time one of my buddies, right after I tell the crowd I have an alibi, tells them that I was lying and that it wasn't true. I say that he is lying and that I DID have and alibi. Then he says, "Come on, everybody here knows Bruce is the best bullshit artist that ever lived. We all know he could easily fool a couple campus cops." They believe him every time. Now there is a story floating around my hometown about me getting in a fight with cops who were trying to stop me from masturbating.

Anonymous said...

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his pants. The bartending looks up and says to the pirate:

"You know you have a steering wheel attached to your pants?"

"Aarrgh, matey. It's driving me nuts!"

Hope everything is getting better.

Anonymous said...

Yay for going mac. No more viruses for you!!

Yeah, whatever, I'm a mac geek.

BUT! IT is so nice to read your voice again. I hope things at work are settling down (did you get that assistant yet??) and that you have more time to drink and blog. :)