Hey guys, I’m just going to babble today – in other words there will be no point to this post, I’m just going to jump from thought to thought as they come to me (sort of like stream of consciousness, but – maybe – slightly more coherent). There’s every chance that none of these topics will be interesting to you, and I really do see myself petering out at the end with no goodbye statement or hint that I’m done (besides the post ending that is). Cool? OK, now that we’ve got that out of the way…
My caffeine (plus whatever the fuck is in Red Bull) addiction is now officially out of control. I mean, I never really was much good at waking up on my own anyway, but at this point I’m running on pure coffee and energy drink. No joke, I don’t even remember my alarm going off this morning, but when I finally kind of came around to consciousness, I found myself standing in my living room with not one, but two empty cans of Red Bull sitting ON TOP OF THE TV in front of me. Do I remember drinking them? Fuck no. Do I know why I was just standing there in front of my tv, blankly placing trash on top of it at 6:30 in the morning? Noper. But that’s fine – I’m accepting of all my little quirks. Plus, I’m not even sure what my name is right now I’m so tired (and I’m on my second coffee of the day AFTER those two Red Bulls), so it would take A LOT for me to give a shit. Just thought I’d share that with you.
On second thought, let’s examine the situation…you know what I think the problem is? I didn’t take any naps this weekend. And that is just NOT acceptable. I mean what am I – an animal? I need my lazy time dammit! Where the fuck is my ‘me time’? Am I asking for too fucking much? I just want to be unconscious a little bit more!
Tantrum over (took too much energy). So what did I do this weekend? Glad you asked – well, I split my time pretty evenly between ‘talking’ (fuck, I hate that touchy feely shit) with the boyfriend I have that I don’t want (and make no mistake, it appears we’re back together – don’t worry about me, I brought it on myself so I’m toughing it out like a champ) and taking abuse from my friend (Christine) who’s pissed at me over the whole situation.
Now here’s my problem with Christine (she may be one of my best friends in the world, but that doesn’t exempt her from pissing me off on a regular basis) – she fucking passes judgment on EVERYONE. What the fuck? I mean yeah, I fucked up – that much is clear – but why is SHE so pissed? Why do I have to be lectured by her? I mean, I’m manning up and accepting that I must pay the price for my post-breakup stupidity (by continuing to date NY Guy as long as he sees fit – think of it like indentured servitude, but with sex), so what does it matter to her?
In other news, I’ve decided to become a vegetarian. Since I never really ate meat all that often anyway, I didn’t think it would be hard (it’s a total guilt factor decision – cows and pigs are cute). But I’m beginning to realize I may have been wrong. You see, the thought of never having ribs, or bacon cheeseburgers, or hotdogs at the ballpark, or pepperoni pizza, for the REST OF MY LIFE, is…fuck. I like meat. (Hee hee, I wrote ‘I like meat.’ Awesome.) How long do you think it’ll take before my taste buds override my conscience?
Hey, how much of an asshole will I look like if I throw a harness and a leash on my cat and take her for a walk? I think the sheer amusement I would get at doing it – combined with just how pissed off it would make my cat – may balance out the humiliation factor. Fuck it – I’m doing it tonight. Unless I forget of course.
Oh, and I’ve kind of been having the urge to move lately. I’m sure I won’t do it (my mom would fucking kill me), but really, what’s stopping me from picking up and moving somewhere else? Plus, it would be an excellent (if passive aggressive) way of getting everyone to leave me alone, which is always nice. But where would I want to go…
Hey, no one ever answers when I ask if you’re watching Flight of the Conchords. Are you? Are you at least watching the clips I’ve been putting up? I’m fucking loving this show – yesterday’s episode with the racist fruit stand guy, the Racist Dragon cartoon, and the Leggie Blonde song (below) was epic. Couldn’t have been more random and weird – I FUCKING LOVED IT. Anyway, I’m going to keep throwing clips up here until someone at least acknowledges the show.
25 comments:
I'll acknowledge the whole video thing. But the volume is messed up on my laptop. I'll need to check it out on my kids' computer.
I can also say I tried Red Bull ONCE. That stuff made my heart race so bad I swore I would stay 10 feet away from it...
As for vegetarianism, that is something I play with every now and then. I do like meat though. It's a struggle. I do prefer to eat other things than meat though if given the choice. I did go maybe 3 years without meat (which included one pregnancy). I remember eating a hamburger that broke my streak and it almost made me sick, but started me on the carnivore path again. ::sigh::
Ugh, Red Bull tastes like cough syrup laced with methamphetamine.
I wouldn't say you'd look like an asshole for walking your cat, but you'd look goofy. And... why?
Your boyfriend stuff is a goddamned mystery to me. Sounds like happiness in suffering, but...
Finally, a weekend without naps is like... like... well, it's not good. You owe it to yourself to take one when you get home. After walking the cat, of course.
bella: You definitely have to watch the clip with sound - and you have to watch it to the end (that's probably the best part).
Sadly, I almost think the Red Bull doesn't work on me anymore; no joke, after the 2 Red Bulls and the 2 cups of coffee, I am struggling to stay awake right now. What am I doing to my body?
tk: I actually really like the taste of Red Bull - I'm the only person I know who does though.
Walking my cat - why not?
Happiness in suffering my ass! I'm trying to figure out how to get him to dump me now...any ideas?
I also enjoy the taste of red bull quite a bit.
If you want him to dump you....cheat on him
Yeah, I know cheating would get him to dump me, but I really don't want to do that. Long story short, I don't cheat and couldn't look myself in the mirror if I did.
We need an idea where he dumps me, but he doesn't do it because I've humiliated or hurt him in the process (because he doesn't deserve that). And yes, I realize I'm asking for a miracle here.
Well, moving would solve the NYguy issue...
Oh yeah, I forgot...I haven't been watching those clips or the show since I don't have sound on the work PC ever since my speakers crapped out.
And your friend Christine is probably pissed cause she sees you acting like a dumbass re: NY Guy relationship.
We need an idea where he dumps me, but he doesn't do it because I've humiliated or hurt him in the process.
OK, ignoring the fact that you're obviously psychotic... simply become distant. Don't ignore his calls, just take your time calling him back. Be unresponsive. That's the best I can think of. Or, tell him you want him to start dressing as a baby, diaper and all, when you have sex.
What? Is that weird?
anon: Too true.
onthevirg: Ouch. OK, I get the point - after this post I will no longer bother you all with NY Guy again.
tk: I'm psychotic but you're suggesting a diaper? Fine, I'm not even going to argue this (oh, and the not calling back right away thing - I ALWAYS did that).
As far as your vegetarian thoughts, please remember this. Never underestimate the power of a great cheeseburger.
I have to think with your sass and style you could get away with walking the cat. If someone wanted to make a joke of it they would have to substitute you being a blonde.
Two redbulls and coffee? That's bush league, lady. I can shotgun two cans of Monster and a liter of Moutain Dew and still need to do a line of blow off TK's forehead just to make it through the day.
dave: Trust me, I realize the power of a great cheeseburger - that's why I seriously doubt I'll be able to pull this off. But I'm giving it a shot.
manny: I wasn't that impressed until I got to the line of blow off tk's forehead part - I now bow to the master.
I will speak up for Flight of the Conchords. I watch it every Sunday in spite of the fact that my roommates don't get it (they thought the one with the racist fruit stand guy was "too political and preachy"). But they laugh at Mind of Mencia, so I don't care what they think. There are two kinds of people in this world: those who laugh at New Zealand accents, and those who have learning disabilities. Glad you're in group "A".
Remember, it is "Cheeseburger in Paradise", not "Tofuburger in Paradise". I doubt our ancestors were too worried about killing the cow, pig, chicken, etc. Living one more day was the critical part of the plan. Hell, who wants a chicken as a pet anyway?
Red Bull sucks. I do drink coffee to move myself along, but like I tell my kids, if you are that tired, go to bed earlier. Trust me, it works.
Walking the cat? That's nuts.
Write all you want about NYGuy. I find his march towards ultimate demise fascinating and an interesting look into single dating culture. I feel a bit like Marlin Perkins: "Watch the sage, nimble young female outwit her ignorant, less brilliant mate when dealing with the emotional feeding required of this particular species...."
I wasn't that impressed until I got to the line of blow off tk's forehead part.
Especially since I'm repeatedly rabbit-punching him in the kidneys the whole time.
Come on Manny, you'd need a stool to get to my forehead.
Also...
oh, and the not calling back right away thing - I ALWAYS did that - Fuck it, he gets what he deserves. Just start kneeing him in the groin repeatedly.
benzo: "Political and preachy"? Seriously, were they even watching? The second it was established that it was Australia that sucked and not New Zealand, they befriended the racist (sorry, xenophobic) fruit stand guy. That's what's so great about the show: They're not serious about anything.
Oh, and the montage while they learned how to give the finger - fucking genius; easily one of the best episodes so far. I'm seriously glad someone else loves the show too (I'm getting a little obsessed as the weeks go by).
glassyarddog: Cheeseburger in Paradise - I love that song. Makes me want to go down to Key West, drink margaritas like they're water, and yes, eat a cheeseburger. Great, now you're bumming me out.
No matter how much sleep I get, I still feel like I'm dying in the morning - and again, I love Red Bull. It's a weakness.
Oh, and don't look at this NY Guy break-up debacle as a view into single culture - I just screwed this one up; I'm usually much, much better at ending things.
tk: You've got it all wrong - he's not a pushover and it's not like he doesn't get the hint - I never call ANYONE back right away; my friends told him the night I met him that I take a week or two to call THEM back.
Generally I'm a good fit for guys who like their space too (ie. aren't all girly and needy), and he's not. In fact, the only reason we're back together now is because I fucked with his head and have given him the wrong impression of what I want (and I feel too guilty to fucking dump him again).
But don't worry, I'll figure something out - don't worry guys, I won't bore you with the details any more.
Oh, believe me, it's not boring. It's fascinating. Seriously.
Don't deprive me of my next fix of "Dating Kingdom".
Geez, I go away for a long weekend and I come back to a strung out vegetarian caffeine addict who's back with the guy she doesn't have a future with. Excellent! Remind me to bring my lap top next time...
--No cats on a leash. Just don't.
--Keep writing about NY Guy. As someone who was also put through the wringer by numerous bitc, er, girlfriends, I'm enjoying seeing someone else go through it.
--No meat? You want PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals) on your ass?
--Ever think Christine is right? Just sayin'...
--Tell NY Guy that you're giving up meat. ALL meat (wink, wink). That door slam and sqeaking sneaker sound you hear will be him heading for the nearest exit.
tk: I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not.
glassyarddog: That's not how to convince me.
jumpshootingfool: I'm bummed that no one wants me to walk my cat - are you all THAT afraid of someone trying something different?
-I'm trying not to be a bitc...er, girlfriend.
-I don't think you guys could be less supportive of my becoming a vegetarian - your accepting nature kind of does remind me of PETA.
-Yeah, NY Guy would never buy that 'no meat' line if I gave it to him, but it is funny.
Ok, I finally watched the video AND listened to it. Loved it!
:)
Bella
You just made my day saying that.
I am seriously serious.
Seriously.
Whoa whoa whoa there young lady. Shit, we hassle you a little and all of a sudden you're getting all girly on us. Oh golly, no one wants to hear about my trials and tribulations anymore. Woe is me...BooHoo!
What in the holy hell do you think we come back for?? Your ridiculous stories of embarrassment and befuddlement! Keep em coming sister.
And yes, I'm serious too.
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