Thursday, March 1, 2007


I’m kind of obsessed with this show on A&E called, “Dog the Bounty Hunter.” How did it start, you ask? Well, one day I was sitting around doing nothing on a Sunday – which pretty much describes most of my Sundays – and I was flipping through the channels on tv. As I came across A&E, the screen was suddenly filled with the sight of a guy wearing a leather vest, no shirt, tight pants, cowboy boots, and a long blonde mullet. Excellent, I thought, and stopped flipping.

As luck would have it, I had just tuned in during a “Dog the Bounty Hunter” marathon. And for the next few hours, I was transfixed. I didn’t change the channel once. Between Duane “Dog” Chapman (the guy I described above), his wife Beth – a rather large woman with dyed platinum blonde hair and WAAYYY too tight clothes, and his team of family members/friends, it really is too good to be true. This reality show follows them as they run around Hawaii arresting “fugitives from the law,” and talking about drugs and God. Occasionally they mace people. I’m almost giddy describing it. I mean, the person who thought of giving Dog his own show was a genius.

After all, bounty hunters are fun in general, but these guys…they’re outstanding. I can only describe the show as trashtastic. Because it is, in the best was way possible. I go out of my way to watch them every Tuesday night now. And I freely admit that. I’m not even slightly embarrassed about that.

But there’s one thing I won’t admit. It’s too upsetting. And if this blog wasn’t anonymous, I would never own up to it. But since it is, here goes:

I am totally attracted to Dog’s son, Leland. I mean, when I watch this show I find myself wanting this guy bad. And trust me when I tell you that’s upsetting.

Now you don’t really know me, so let me just say that this is out of character for me. I’m attracted to clean-cut guys. Long hair does not fly with me. And Leland has more than just long hair (which he braids on occasion), he has the long hair on top and shaved head from the ears down thing going on. He looks like he’s maybe 5’5. And he doesn’t strike me as the sharpest knife in the drawer. On top of all of this, his family is horrifying. But it doesn’t matter. When I watch the show, I want to * cough * him. In fact, the only thing he has going for him is the tattoos. He has some hot tattoos. (What can I say, I like clean-cut to a point.)

When I want to amuse myself, I imagine introducing Leland to my father. That would be…nope, there are no words for what that would be.

As for what my friends would think, let’s just say I would never live it down. But that’s okay, because they’re never going to find out. And while they would never even imagine something like this, if they did suspect something I would simply deny, deny, deny. I look at it like this: when you want your friend’s boyfriend, you never admit it. To anyone. Ever. For any reason. Maybe not even to yourself. And this is kind of like wanting your friend’s boyfriend. It only exists in the dark recesses of your mind. And maybe on your blog.

Until next time…

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