I Totally Suck

I know, I know, I know – I suck. I haven’t posted in…I don’t know, a while, and I haven’t even been going online and commenting on other blogs. Long story short, life came up; for everyone who sent me emails telling me to get off my lazy ass and post – fuck you, and for all of those people who expressed real concern that I was dead or something – you’re all awesome, and I wish my excuses were that good. So…where to begin…

-The Yankees lost, they broke my heart, and I will say right now that I have NO sense of humor about it (I was at the game on Monday). So if you want to give me a hard time, do so at your own peril. I will not think it’s cute that you’re ripping on my team no matter how cleverly you’re doing it; I actually dumped a guy not two days ago for doing that exact thing, and I haven’t had a moments regret over it.

-Finally broke things off with the Irish Bartender and promptly started dating a lawyer who seemed great – ie. all the expected attributes: cute, tall, intelligent, blah, blah, blah. Then he gave me the twin punch of making fun of my college football team (fucking Badgers) and my baseball team (fucking Yankees) in one conversation. I ended things right there. Yes, I’m that big a bitch.

-I now have no doubt that Con Edison is fucking with me – Christine actually asked me yesterday if I’d ever dated and dumped someone who worked there, because that was the only reason for the last year of my life. Let me explain:

Around January last year I got a HUGE bill from Con Ed – we’re talking $800 here. Now, I live in a little apartment in NYC, my heat is paid for by my building, I pay my bills on time every month, and I don’t have jack shit in my apartment that would even come close to using large amounts of energy.

Important note: For all of you unsuspecting souls out there, a bit of advice – you should check the bottom of your bills to see if there is a teeny, tiny EST note. That’s all is says, EST; there is no further explanation. What that means is that your bill is an estimate, it is NOT a real number from a real reading. What your gas and electric company is trying to tell you (as inconspicuously as possible) is that they found something while doing your reading that didn’t make any sense. So they are simply billing you a normal amount for the month while keeping an eye on things. (Another note: They are not trying to figure out what has gone wrong, they are simply watching. Closely. While fucking you over.) If this “weird” pattern of, say, high power usage continues, they will then simply charge you the difference for the past however many months that you have been paying an estimate; they will do this all at once. Now keep in mind, if you by chance didn’t notice the EST sign, no one at your gas and electric company has made you aware of it or contacted you in any way to help you try to fix it. They have simply kept an eye on things and then sprung the whole shitstorm on you after, oh I don’t know, four months has gone by. And trust me, when you do get that aforementioned huge bill, you are going to feel fucked over. You are going to rant and rage that no one made you aware of the problem sooner so you could, I don’t know, SAVE YOURSELF SOME MONEY. And you are going to find yourself even more pissed off when you learn that no one you speak to at the company cares that you’re upset, since technically they were under no legal obligation to do anything beyond put that little EST note at the bottom of your bill – which they did. But I digress…

So, after many conversations with and visits from Con Ed (which lasted a couple more months while my bill continued to rise), it was determined that I didn’t have a massive energy sucking THING in my apartment, per se. In fact they couldn’t figure out what the problem was (there was no evidence of anyone stealing energy or anything like that). Finally in a last ditch effort, Con Ed suggested that maybe I should have my super replace my refrigerator “just in case.” We did, the bills went down again, and I ended up just paying the (at that point) over $1000 that I owed Con Ed (even though I rent my apartment and my rental company should have covered it since it was their refrigerator – something about them not actually finding anything “wrong” with the old one, me not wanting to start a huge fight, them giving me a good deal on this year’s rent, etc. etc.).

Anyway, so I was at home yesterday, minding my own business, when the apartment goes dark. TV goes off, lights go out, refrigerator turns off, etc. So I call Con Ed – was it a power outage I ask? No, they answer, but let them check…oh. Oops. It seems that someone else in my apartment building hadn’t paid their bill, and Con Ed came to shut off their power yesterday, only – wait for it – they fucked up and shut off the power in my apartment instead. They apologize, they’ll reimburse me for the day (yay $6, I’m going to party!), and they’ll send someone back out before 8pm (it’s 10am at the time of the call) to turn me back on.

It was a looonnnggg fucking day, let me tell you. I got my power back (finally!) at 5pm – I’d lost my laptop and phone to dead batteries hours before then – and my delight lasted for all of two minutes before I found that (drumroll please) when they cut the power, they completely blew out my cable box. I’m going to get a new one today. So…yeah – Con Ed hates me. I hate them. They have all the power (literally), and I will continue to let them kick my ass because I have no choice in the matter. The end.

-Have some things going on when it comes to jobs – will let you know more later. I will say that I had a 3 hour interview last week, and doing that to ANYONE is just cruel.

-How I’m going to live without my afternoon naps and Bob Ross’ The Joy of Painting once I go back to work is beyond me. Christine said it best two days ago: Redhead, just face it – you’ve become a cat.

-And now for the main reason I haven’t posted: Christine. Let me say before I begin that Christine is one of my best friends in the world, so keep the comments on her nice. Good, now that that’s out of the way, where to begin? Well, as many of you know she was fired right after I was laid off. Keep in mind, this was the second time this year she was fired, and neither time was it as nicely done as it was when I was let go. She then promptly got her purse stolen (which made going out difficult since she didn’t have a license or passport to prove her age), and the guy she had been seeing bailed on her. This all made her…fragile. My normally very stoic and not at all needy friend became needy. And emotional – all things that freak me out.

Then last week the shit hit the fan. As some of you may remember, Christine was in the process of moving a couple of months ago. Unfortunately, the places she wanted to move to weren’t going to be available for a couple of months – but that wasn’t a huge problem, right? Wrong. You see, in the meantime Christine got fired, and when the time came for her to move, the building she was moving into finally got around to calling her company to verify her employment. Yeah, you get where this is going – needless to say, they backed out. Then her psycho fundamentalist roommate started eviction proceedings on her. Then she found a place that said they would help her out – which was great until about 2 weeks ago when the landlord tried to behave…inappropriately toward her. When she didn’t respond in kind, he took the apartment back. The week before she was going to move in.

And that’s when Christine lost it. She completely lost it. Like I was worried about her mental well-being lost it. And for some reason, I was the only person she felt she could turn to. She completely cut off all communication with everyone except me, she essentially moved into my apartment (I don’t live with anyone for a reason), she cried nonstop, and she looked to me to, and I quote “run her life.”

I was suddenly expected to do everything for her. When she got an email that she had to respond to, I was to write out the response (she didn’t trust herself to communicate with others). When her friends and family started to panic when she wasn't responding to calls and emails, she simply texted them my phone number and asked me to tell them what was going on when they called. She couldn’t stand looking at apartment listings, so that fell to me as well. (Mind you, I’m trying to FIND A JOB right now – every time I go on an interview I have to sit through an hour of ‘why is no one calling me for interviews?’.)

This has been…

I don’t know guys. I know I joke around a lot here, but I honestly haven’t had it in me these past two weeks. I’m stressed out, and it’s not my life that’s making me feel this way. I’ve actually been escaping to my parents’ house in Jersey for overnighters just so I can get away from one of my best friends. That’s not normal.

Yes, I know that she’s being especially needy, and that everyone is allowed to fall apart once in a while. And I know that it’s how you respond during the tough times that prove one’s friendship. But…I just don’t know how much longer I can take this. I’ve always been a really solitary person. I seek out friends who give me space. And maybe…I don’t know, maybe I’m just not built for this. Maybe I’m just not cut out for really close friendships and the expectations that come with them. And the thought that any of what I just said may be true terrifies me. I feel like an awful person.

So there it is, the depressing truth – I’m a shit. I’ve been playing caretaker to a grown woman for almost two weeks now, and it seems like that’s my limit. For a family member I could see myself doing this for as long as it took, but for anyone else…You know what, I’m going to stop talking now. If this topic is bumming you out half as much as it’s bumming me out, I’m really, really sorry.

OK, shrug and deep cleansing breathes. What’s going on with you guys? Miss me?