A quick word on PDA before I give you my theory: PDA comes in many forms, some innocuous (hand holding, a fleeting kiss goodbye), some slightly annoying (think-you’re-being-sly-but-you’re-really-not groping), and some fucking gross (full on making out, touching, moaning…YOU’RE IN PUBLIC PEOPLE!). Hmmm, where was I? Oh yeah, PDA.
An aside: I do want to say that the latter form of PDA is really only excusable in one instance – drunkenness. We’re all assholes when we’re drunk, and I totally understand bad decision making under those circumstances. Ergo, the theory I’m about to present does no apply to the stupid, drunken masses out there (of which I’m often happily a member).
OK, to my theory – ugly people make up 99.9% of the PDA perpetrators out there. PDA is an ugly person epidemic.
I’m not kidding, check it out the next time you’re trying not to gag while stuck next to these fuckers. The people who (totally sober) go at it on the train, street, in a restaurant, etc. are almost invariably horribly unattractive human beings. And I think I know why. Hear me out – ugly people must know they’re ugly, right? They must be self-conscious about it. And even though they probably know deep down inside that they’ll always be ugly/fat/awkward/poorly dressed, I’m guessing they don’t really want to accept it. So, in an effort to prove to the rest of the world that they are, in fact, desirable, they kind of lose their minds when they finally find someone who is willing to touch and/or kiss them. And PDA is their way of (metaphorically) shouting from the rooftops – ‘SEE, SOMEBODY WANTS ME!’
Unfortunately, the rest of us have to suffer because of this. Not only do we have to watch something we really NEVER wanted to see (ie. two ugly people go at it), but (horrifyingly) they often do it in places where it’s virtually impossible to leave – like, say, in a subway car at 8am when I’m on my way to work and I have no way to escape you and your hideousness…! Life is so unfair.
The above theory was brought to you by Redhead the Bitch. Happy Tuesday everyone!