Thursday, November 29, 2007

I’ve Had A LOT of Coffee This Morning

Forgive what is about to come, I’m…a LITTLE high on caffeine right now.

Soooo I know I’m not dating right now, but…I’m pretty sure I accepted a dinner invitation for this weekend. From a guy. Kind of against my will. And now I need to get out of it. Tactfully. Even though the only reason I want to get out of it is because I don’t think the guy is cute. Which I didn’t know until I saw a picture of him. Oh, and that was AFTER I already accepted the date.

It’s…kind of a long story.

Short version: A ‘friend’ (OK, acquaintance) decided to set me up on a blind date (don’t ask). I didn’t want to bother explaining my whole ‘I’m not dating right now’ logic, so in an effort to make things easy on myself I sort of let her. Now in my defense the guy was described to me as: Tall (like 6’), cute, brown hair, dimples, VERY successful, and nice. Who was I to fight fate if he was The One, right? Um…right.

Anyway, he called me last night, and it was…interesting. Some thoughts – I didn’t like his voice right off the bat (kind of dorky). He apparently liked mine though, since he complimented me on my ‘gorgeous’ voice right at the top of the conversation. I didn’t think much of it at the time, since I get that a lot (what can I say, I ‘give good voice’). I should have been more concerned though, because boy did the compliments continue. And I have to admit, I was a little thrown (I mean dude, you’ve been talking to me for 5 minutes – calm down). How bad did it get, you ask? Well, at one point he actually said, ‘You have a beautiful brain.’ Ooookayyyyy. (What the fuck does that even mean?!)

He may also end up being a stalker-type. At the very least he’s moderately creepy. You need another example? No problem – let’s play back this little exchange from our chat:

Dude: I live on the 15th floor of my building. I have a beautiful terrace – you should see it sometime.
Redhead: I’m afraid of heights.
Dude: Does this mean I have to sell my place?
Redhead: (nervous laugh) You’re kidding, right?


But I was determined to remain at least sort of positive…sort of. After all, bad voice and personality aside he could still be cute, right? The problem here was he already knew what I looked like (WHY oh WHY did I give this friend a picture to pass along?), while I remained in the dark. And when it came time for him to pressure me into making plans for this weekend (ed. note: FUCK!) I grudgingly accepted. And then I came out with it:

Redhead: You know, I won’t be able to recognize you if I don’t have a picture. Can you email me something?

Well…he did. AFTER the conversation was over and dinner had been arranged. And it was…not good. I’m not happy. But I need to be careful here, since I don’t want to offend the acquaintance who set this up (by LYING to me about what this dude looks like…unless she actually does think this guy is cute, which is…unfathomable really).

Just so you guys know though, there is NO WAY I’m going out with this dude over the weekend, so get your thinking caps on.

Oh, and in other not even remotely related (in other words, random) news:

Christian Bale is smoking hot;

I’m currently going through a weird ‘let’s listen to Cat Stevens and feel deep’ phase – don’t hate me;

I’m thinking about blow-drying my hair out straight tomorrow just to ‘try a new look’ (note: this will never actually happen);

I think Heath Ledger’s creepy looking, but my sister-in-law (who recently saw him in ‘real life’) insists he’s hot – hmmm, I still think I’m right;

I was thinking about buying a bustier/corset thingee, went onto the Frederick’s of Hollywood site to look at them, and then realized I had no use for one and it would be a total waste of money – so of course I bought one. I should get it in about a week;

I don’t want to say I’m bored now that with my professional situation is all copasetic and my private life is on hold, but…;

Why the fuck are people so interested in Zac Efron from that show (movie?) High School Musical? He looks like a girl;

Did I ever tell you guys about the time that one of Jay-Z’s ‘entourage’ came up to me and asked if I wanted to ‘meet’ Jay-Z? I said no;

I am literally BUZZING off of my coffee (oh, and Red Bull) right now;

And…what’s up with me and ‘quotes’ today? I’m such a jackass sometimes.

Go Thursday! Woo hoo!


Hermano said...

You may 'give good voice', but most importantly, do you give good helmet?

Also, from your posts, it sounds like your heart is about to explode from the caffeine overdose.

Jack Cobra said...

I don't understand why you don't just go out to Dinner with the dude. It's a free meal and you can get drunk. Plus, maybe it was a bad picture. Ok, probably not, but at least you'll get a free meal and booze.

Anonymous said...

There is nothing quite as sexy as desperation oozing through your phone. I would go to the most rank sushi place you can find the day before you are supposed to go out and fill up. Nothing like a heavy dose of food poisoning to get you out of an unwanted situation. Of course, you could fake it but I always go for authenticity.

PS: You give good voice and have a beautiful brain? Awesome!

Bella said...

Um, Red, did you forget?

WE had plans this weekend FIRST!


You promised to help me straighten my hair.

:) Bella

MCBias said...

Ooh, I get to give poor dating advice! (rubs hands together creepily). A pleasing voice is underappreciated nowadays. That's not a bad complement, although it sounds like it was given in terrible style. Otherwise...dude is already talking about how you should see his place, and you haven't been on a date yet? Nay! I'm surprised he did not follow up with "And I've even cleaned up the blood from the last date, who didn't appreciate my Sinatra CD", ha.

To get out of the date--go catch a cold. The seasons are changing, it's getting colder--it shouldn't be hard at all. If this guy is managing to pull off the coveted Three Strikes of no attraction (poor communication, poor personality, poor looks), he's out.

Redhead said...

hermano: My heart is not going to explode from caffeine - hell, I'm pretty much convinced that it would stop beating without it's daily dose of coffee at this point. I'm ignoring the other part of your comment.

jack: Bad advice! I can get free food and booze from cute guys - why would I (metaphorically) whore myself out to the losers of the species?

harry: OK, I was wrong - jack's advice I disagreed with, YOUR advice is BAD advice.

bella: I used that excuse to get out of today, tomorrow, and Saturday (by Sunday I was plum out of excuses...damn).

mcb: Legitimate advice - I was thinking of going with the old cold excuse actually. It may not be inspired, but it has worked for me in the past.

Sooze said...

Just tell him you have SARS. Works everytime.

TK said...

1. Christian Bale is on the list of actors that I would watch in anything. I'd watch him paint a fence, or read a magazine. He's ridiculously talented.

2. Don't knock Cat Stevens. I love his stuff... a legacy from my dad.

3. Re: the cold excuse - you're just postponing things. A cold doesn't get you out of future engagements. So you either sack up and go, and then after you can tell him it's not gonna work, or you really sack up and just flat-out tell him you don't think it's a good fit.

4. Knock it off with the fucking "quotes" already. It's bothering me.

Jack Cobra said...

Sorry about the bad advice. The truth is that I love it when my girlfriend and I are out eating dinner and there is a couple there having an uncomfortable first date. It's kind of like my own entertainment. I shouldn't have been so selfish in my advice.

Here is some good advice....the 'friends setting friends up' thing...rarely works.

Redhead said...

sooze: Okayyyy...let's make that Plan B.

tk: 1) Yes, he is VERY talented, but that's not what I admire most about him, 2) Hey, I love him too, it's not my fault everyone I know makes fun of me for listening to him (will you beat them up for me?), 3) Ah, the true problem with the cold excuse - it's a temporary fix. Don't worry, I'll think of something else. (Oh, and as for the whole 'sack up' thing - I love it when guys say that to me...I don't know why.) 4) 'Bite me.'

jack: Everyone I know sets me up on blind dates, I'm their 'go to' person for that. Why? Well, I think it's mostly because I rarely say no (normally my friends don't fix me up with losers, so why would I say no to a free meal/drink with a cute guy?), partly because I can talk to anyone (rarely any of the awkward silences that you seem to so enjoy - vicariously of couse *cough* pussy *cough*), and a little bit because I love anything that has the potential to turn into a good story (and blind dates are gold when it comes to stories). All of this adds up to me being a blind dating machine - don't be a hater. (God I'm a dork today!)

Jack Cobra said...

I'm not a hater, I've been on my fair share of blind dates. Some went well, some didn't....I used to be the 'go to guy' for my friends, too.

I'm just saying that they rarely turn out well in the long run. How am I a pussy for enjoying watching people in agony? First dates don't just bring about awkward silences but awkwardness as a whole. The guy never acts like he normally does, the girl never acts like she normally does. Hilarity ensues in my mind.

You are the one who wouldn't even 'meet' Jay-Z....weak.

Yes, I'll Have Another said...

Ha. "Do you want to meey Jay-Z?" = "Jay-Z would like to meet you, take you back to the stretch and see if your ass is better than Beyonce's. Wanna go? There's Cristal."

rs27 said...

Oh this is so easy. You only have to use 3 little words.

I. Am. Gay.

done and done.

See you guys next time.

P.S. Christian Bale is awesome. (Selfish promotion) I did a whole blog post on him.

Redhead said...

jack: Yes, since I've always wanted to be a groupie it IS strange that I turned down Jay-Z (moron). Look, I'm generally myself on dates - maybe a little more well behaved, but the essence is all me - so I don't buy your argument. I also know 2 couples that met on blind dates and ended up married. How would you suggest meeting new people? Bars? (Been there, done that.) Work? (Good God no.) You're talking out of your ass right now...but I'll forgive you just this once.

yes, I'll have another: Yup, that's pretty much exactly what he was saying.

rs27: If you're going to go with selfish promotion, go all the way and provide a link to the post - dude, in the immortal words of tk: Sack up.

Oh, and I'm pulling the I'm gay card, because this acquaintance (and pretty much every else who knows me) knows I'm not, and I'm trying not to piss off this acquaintance.

Redhead said...

Correction (because I'm an idiot) - I meant to say I'm NOT pulling the I'm gay card...

I need more coffee.

Jack Cobra said...

Sometimes I forget to read the title of your blog.

Here is what you want to hear...

"Blind dates are awesome but it looks like you have a stinker this time. That's too bad, I've seen so many movies Call him and tell him that you have a stomach virus. It will work out for you eventually, just keep trying"

Redhead said...

Oh you DID NOT just go there and make me sound like a pathetic, needy chick who is desperately looking for her soul mate!!!!! That's it jack, you're officially 1 more bad comment away from me doing something...REALLY bad to you.

Anonymous said...

I had a similar blind date photo experience a few years ago. When I requested a pic, the guy sent me a photo of the kid in Deliverance. You know, the inbred redneck playing the banjo?
Perhaps your guy went for the same tack, and he'll be more Christian Bale then you could wish for.

Just a thought.

Jack Cobra said...

Women are so clueless sometimes.

I got sidetracked when someone walked into my office so I didn't get to finish my sentence about the movie....Sorry for the confusion on that, it was supposed to read...."I've seen so many movies where that happens. They are so funny."

It's like you think I'm retarded or something, geez.

Redhead said...

anon: Well aren't you the most optomistic person in the world...I don't know how to relate to that.

And just so everyone knows, jack cobra is still a jackass (but he's not retarded - or so he says)!

rs27 said...

Wait you're gay or not gay? I don't get it. Here's the link. Sack is up.

Anonymous said...

The guy does sound creepy and isn't going to give up if you have a cold. I'd make up a "still something with my ex, we're trying to make it work, not interested in a new relationship, just said yes to make him jealous or was flattered thank you" blah blah blah. Not sure if thats your style but that sort of thing has worked for me before.

Redhead said...

rs27: Gay? Do you even read this blog? Does ANYONE here ever actually read the posts? I'm starting to wonder.

anon: Huh...that might actually work. Wow. Thanks.

rs27 said...

Sarcasm? Sarcasm?