Friday, November 16, 2007

Friday Ponderings

-So I had to get up at 4:30 on Tuesday morning to travel for work. Turns out, I’m REALLY not a morning person. Of course, there have been clues to that throughout my life. When I was a kid my mom used to wake me by saying (and sadly I’m not kidding here), ‘Time to get up and start your happy day!’ I…HATED that. When I got older I learned to actually wake myself up about a half hour before I needed to begin getting ready – this is what I call my ‘coming to’ period, and as many of you may have read here in the past, this includes Red Bull. Anyway, it got me thinking – what’s up with morning sex? Who likes that? I mean, every guy I’ve ever dated has, but WHY? Sure on a lazy weekend it’s fine, but during the week? When you have to get up and go to work after (and you could have been sleeping instead)? How does a guy NOT get kicked for trying that?

-I was going down to the train yesterday after work, and this woman cut me off. Wait, that’s not entirely true – it was her ass that cut me off. And I have to say that for once, I didn’t even mind. Why, you ask (after all I’m a massive bitch who lives for hating people who do shit like this)? Well let me tell you dear readers – it was because this woman was attached to the biggest ass I have ever seen in my life. I mean, it was HUGE. I honestly have never seen anything like it. Sure I’ve seen big asses before, and it’s not like this was a small woman to begin with, but this ass…I have no words. It was so blatantly out of proportion with the rest of her body that I was mesmerized. I’m not kidding, I think her ass weighed almost as much as my entire body. And it TOTALLY made my day to see it.

-Yeah, so it’s been a little while now since I’ve…um…BEEN with a guy (if you know what I’m saying – and you’d be a moron not to). And I have to say…nevermind. It’s the first few months that are the hardest, right?

-I don’t want to talk about the A-Rod thing just yet (many of you know about my love/hate relationship with him anyway) – frankly, I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about this.

-Barry Bonds…hee, hee. (Sorry, I just don’t like that guy.)

-A guy sitting next to me on the train a couple of days ago tried to start up a conversation with me. I did not let him. He was very cute, well dressed, etc. But he was SITTING next to me. There were women in that train car standing, and he was sitting. Call me old-fashioned, but I would never even consider dating a man like that. Let me explain – I was raised by a gentleman. My father would never sit while a lady was standing – I honestly have never seen my father sit down at a bar. He stands when my mother, sister, or I leave a table. He holds doors for us. And he raised my brother to be the same way. And you know what? It’s nice. Now that doesn’t mean that he thinks women are weak, inferior creatures (he raised me didn’t he?). No, it just means that he’s polite. A gentleman. And I like that. I want that in a man for myself. Which pisses me off because there don’t seem to be any more men like that out there. If I could give every new man I meet the Subway Test before ever agreeing to date them, I would. Unfortunately I can’t.

Men today suck.

-I’m getting a massage after work today – I can’t fucking wait.

Happy weekend everybody!

15 comments:

TK said...

I'm a firm believer in giving seats to women and the elderly, holding doors, etc... I'm not fragile, I don't mind standing. So I'm with you on that one.

As for A-Rod - Hell, you should enjoy it. It's not like it's your money. You get to lock up the best player in baseball (much as it pains me to admit it) for the next ten years. I mean, just THINK of all the amazing springs and summers you have to look forward to!

Not so much with the fall, though. But hey, as long as there's someone ELSE who knows how to hit in October, I'm sure you'll be fine.

Jack Cobra said...

the weird thing about the holding the door/standing up/etc. thing is that women have come to expect it NOT to happen these days. Like, when I did it when my gf and I started dating she actually told me not to do it because no one else did. That didn't stop me though and now she's come to like it....

Redhead said...

tk: Smartass (yet a gentlemanly one...hmmm). I'm just waiting for us to completely overpay Lowell so he can play out of position, and then I'll settle back and ponder how much a beer at Yankee Stadium will cost me next year.

jack: Of course she likes it (I can't believe she ever told you not to do those things) - it's nice being treated like you're special. Fucking duh.

Who knew I had gentlemen visiting my site? I like you guys so much more now.

Jack Cobra said...

I think she had kind of been conditioned to think, "I can open my own door. I'm not an old lady." Well, then I explained to her that opening the door for her was a sign of respect and admiration from me. My Dad taught me that. If he ever saw me not open a door for a woman, he'd knock me out. Luckily, that's never happened.

I always stand on the Subway/Train/etc. There is no need to sit down, I'm only 28.

Anonymous said...

Red,

I grew up with bruises on my shins from my mother if I did not rise from the table when family friends came over at restaurants. Gentlemen always walk with ladies on the street side of the sidewalk.

We are called Virginia Gentlemen for a reason. The principles become easy because they are rather easy and you know that people appreciate it. Do unto others. Easy habits and instincts.

Take care.

Dave

Anonymous said...

Red,

I grew up with bruises on my shins from my mother if I did not rise from the table when family friends came over at restaurants. Gentlemen always walk with ladies on the street side of the sidewalk.

We are called Virginia Gentlemen for a reason. The principles become easy because they are rather easy and you know that people appreciate it. Do unto others. Easy habits and instincts.

Take care.

Dave

Redhead said...

jack: Of COURSE we can open our own doors - was that ever in question? Your other point is good though, it's about respect and admiration (both ALWAYS good things). Now all I have to do is find myself a guy who thinks that way...fuck.

dave: Sounded so good you said it twice? Just kidding - you're absolutely right, it's easy and people appreciate it (or at least I do). So to all the gentlemen out there...THANK YOU.

rs27 said...

I went on a date once and I tried to impress this girl by opening the door for her of the restaraunt.

I went right up to that SOB and pulled and started smiling.

Well it was a PUSH door and I ripped the handle off and almost fell

But it did show off my ungodly strength. They call me mini-hercules.

onthevirg said...

Man, what a bunch of pussies. I have M open the door for me, I never help w/ the groceries, make her take out the trash, etc.* You guys have got it all wrong.

* None of which is in any way true

Wait a gdamned minute. You've got a new guy and this is the 1st we're hearing of it?! Instead we get haircut stories? I'm canceling my subscription and demand a refund!

The Ex said...

Jesus christ morning sex sucks. I'm adamantly against it. Power to the sleepers of the world!

GiveEmHellHarry said...

1. Who wants someone breathing heavy in their face with morning breath? Morning sex sucks.

2. A-Rod? Could be worse. You could be a Dodger fan. And as a Dodger fan, is there anything better than that bloated, overhyped blob of bull testoterone facing a long jail sentence? Karma's a bitch.

3. May the douche on the train get testicular cancer. Any able bodied young man who doesn't give up his seat to women, elders, children, or anybody else other than an able bodied young man does not deserve to keep his balls.

4. What's the feminine version of the rub and tug? Might help you out from what you've been missing.

onthevirg said...

Hardly news to other folks, but I just realized I'm a retard. I somehow construed your comment about being wi...oh never mind. Suffice it to say I'm an idiot.

Don't they call it "fiddling the man in the boat?"

As a frequent recipient of the morning sex, I have to say I likey. I mean, it's got to go down one way or the other right? Might as well put it to good use. Besides, wake-up BJ's are the best.

Diarrhea of the Mouth said...

morning sex--omg it's the best. it has been proven that women are more sexually (horny) ready in the mornings. i will give up sleep any time for sex. going to work after morning sex, can't help but to be in a good mood.

men suck these days. gentlemen? i don't think so. most men are selfish bastards.

but what are you going to do? you can't kill them, you can't sell them in human slavery, you can't sleep with the gay ones, so all we can do is make best friends with our B.O.Bs.

yeah, it's like that.

Bella said...

So just how big did you say that ass was?

haha.

:) Bella

Redhead said...

rs27: Awesome - and it's the thought that counts.

virg: Are you on drugs?

the ex: Right on!

harry: 1) Also a good point. 2) Yeah, yeah - I still don't want to talk about it. 3) I really couldn't agree more. 4) I'm trying to avoid having a complete stranger get me off right now, but thanks for the thought.

virg: Ah, you're not on drugs, you're just stupid (welcome to the club...we're not as much fun as the people who are on drugs, but what can you do). Um...I know how to masturbate dude, thanks. I was talking about missing the whole 'not being alone while reaching orgasm thing.' And I must say, I'm SHOCKED that you like being woken up with a bj, that's so weird!

dotm: Well, except for disagreeing on the whole morning sex thing, I have to say - you just made me laugh out loud.

bella: There are no words, it was THAT BIG. I just...seriously, I've seen big asses before, but I couldn't believe this one. It was a world unto itself.