Intro to Tomorrow’s Drunk Story

What is with the fucking rain in NY? If it weren’t so cold I don’t think I’d mind that much – surprisingly I don’t melt when I get wet – but this is ridiculous. I’m freezing.

(Oh, and for any of my regular readers – all two of you – who have been following the saga of Guy #2, I thought I’d catch you up: he actually called me again over the weekend. It seems that he broke up with his girlfriend and wants to see me, proving 1) he totally is missing the point of why I wasn’t calling him back, 2) he might be insane, and 3) I really must be as good a kisser as my exes say.)

Anyway, I’m going to tell another drunk story tomorrow. But in the meantime – to keep that post from being disgustingly long – I thought I’d set it up a little bit today and introduce the main players. (As usual, all names are being changed to protect the innocent.) So here goes:

My brother and his wife recently had their second child in less than two years. And while that makes me think they’re freaking insane, it’s also awesome. Mainly it’s awesome because they produce fucking cool kids, but it’s also awesome because they’re loosing their minds right now trying to take care of two kids under the age of two.

So as I watch them settling into domestic bliss (or madness), I can’t help but think back to how it all began. Specifically, the story I’m going to tell took place at their engagement party five years ago.

Without further ado, the people you should know for this story are:

Brother – let’s not complicate things, my brother will just be called Brother here. I’ve mentioned him before, and (sadly) he’s been witness/instigator to many a Drunk Redhead story. He’s actually completely awesome, but he is my older brother so I’ve been tortured by him in the past. A lot.

SIL – this actually stands for sister-in-law. Of course, she wasn’t my sister-in-law at the time of this story, but do you honestly care? SIL is very, very cool. She was one of the only girlfriends Brother ever introduced me to who wasn’t either a vegetarian or on a diet. In fact, first time I met her was at a pub, and she ordered a burger, fries, and several Guinness’. She’s smart and extraordinarily successful, and she can drink me under the table (100% Irish). So except for the fact that she actually enjoys exercising and doesn’t like dogs (I know, that’s a huge strike against her), she’s cool. She can hang.

Jim – SIL’s brother. A great drinker, fucking hysterical, seems to get me into trouble whenever our families hang out.

Jen – Jim’s wife. A cute, tiny little blonde thing. She and Jim got married pretty young, come from the same small town as SIL (obviously), but unlike SIL never left. Genuinely nice but a sloppy drunk.

Stud – there’s just no other name I can give him. Stud went to high school with Brother, was co-captain of the soccer and lacrosse teams with him, and therefore was always at our house. He was my uber-crush. He was incredibly popular in school, too beautiful for words, and four years older than I was (and am). I worshipped him. I couldn’t get enough of him. And everyone (I repeat – everyone) knew it. And while Stud couldn’t have cared less about me, I always wanted him. So while I hadn’t seen him since I was 14 (and he graduated and went off to college), I’ll admit I never forgot him.

So, back to Brother and SIL’s engagement party. Stud was coming. No one had seen him in a long time (he moved to LA after college and worked at a magazine there), but he had just moved back. Brother extended an invite, and Stud said yes. He would be there – and he would be coming alone. Stud was single. And I had finally grown up.

What could possibly go wrong?