Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I Must NOT Get Drunk

Hey, so it’s my company Holiday Party tonight – actually tonight’s party is just for executives, tomorrow there’s another party for everyone (agh, so much alcohol, so little time!) – anyway, tomorrow’s party is neither here nor there, my point is tonight’s party is making me a little worried. Because people have been telling me stories, of past parties, and the behavior that has come out of them, and the alcohol that flows, and…I think I may be in trouble. Let’s dissect this, shall we?

My last company’s Holiday Party – held AT THE OFFICE, shitty open bar, hors d'oeuvres set up on a few tables, started around 5 (in other words, everyone just wore work clothes), went on for a couple hours, home by 8:30.

My new company’s Holiday Party – held at a hotel uptown (in the Penthouse), apparently first rate bar, this one starts around 7 (everyone who goes changes into cocktail dresses/nice suits – I have my Audrey Hepburn style little black dress ready to go), has a cocktail hour until 8, speeches until 9, and dinner and ‘celebration’ until midnight.

According to my coworkers, things get a little wild at this shindig. I am to expect 1) not to get home until around 2 or 3 in the morning (apparently), 2) to get VERY drunk, 3) to be much amused by whatever theme the party planners have chosen this year, and 4) to see and/or hear many things that will ultimately end up in the pantheon of great/embarrassing company Holiday Party stories (stories that will promptly be relayed to EVERYONE at TOMORROW’S party).

I cannot end up being one of those stories.

So, my game plan is…shit, I have no game plan. Obviously I will try not to overindulge, but it will be hard since everyone else apparently will be (much like at the holiday lunch last week, where I got…well, kind of drunk; but not embarrassingly so).

Do you guys realize that I’m going to be all dressed up, at an open bar, surrounded by my coworkers (all of whom are talking about how drunk they’re planning to get), with the owners of my company nearby (pretty conservative guys), and…

No biggie. I can avoid embarrassment. I know I can. It’s not hard – people do it every day. I just need to pace myself. And eat something first. And not see any men who look good to me. And relax and be charming. And professional. But still fun. And well-spoken. So no slurred speech.

Fuck, I’m so screwed guys.

13 comments:

Bella said...

Being around my co-workers would be enough for me not to drink at all.

I'm just not one to socialize with co-workers, but understand the need to represent myself at such work related functions.

VA Gent said...

It sounds like you may have to go the every other one method. It's worked in the past. Bourbon and coke, and then the soda solo. Slow and steady for the evening.

Of course if you are drinking exotic drinks it's harder to hide the conservative approach.

You'll be fine. Concentrate on the company you are with and the night will go well.

Dave

rs27 said...

Hey, stay clean, stay focused, stay strong.

Frankenstein, have fun with your friends.

TK said...

It's all about maintenance drinking.

Stick to beer or wine, stay away from the hard stuff. Toss back a glass of water here and there, make sure to eat lots of food, but nothing too weird.

Good luck.

Although, to be perfectly honest, part of me wants it to be a total trainwreck so I can read about it tomorrow.

Is that wrong?

Redhead said...

bella: Yeah, I'd say 98% of the people that I've ever worked with have been assholes in one way or another, but that final 2%...well, they're awesome and make work functions - if not great - bearable.

va gent: Dave, you finally gave yourself a username! Congrats. Now as for your advice - bourbon and coke? I generally don't drink anything with coke, tonic, soda, juice, etc. (unless it's brunch, or I'm on vacation, or I've already had WAY too much to drink, or...yeah, okay maybe I can try it your way).

rs27: I get the first line. I don't get the second. Anyone else?

tk: a) It's not wrong to want me to crash and burn, if it was anyone else I would want the same thing. b) Wine always gets me drunker than everything else (I'm not sure why, I think it's the refilling that seems to happen with wine), and beer fills me up too fast - two beers and I'm not only full, but still sober (beer is for bbq's and sitting on the beach in Mexico).

Hmmmm, I think I need some drink suggestions here people. Oh, and keep in mind that I generally don't like sweet drinks - I'm usually a scotch/vodka drinker.

toadely said...

You can never go wrong with scotch.

rs27 said...

Hello? Big Daddy?

That's where I take all my life advice from.

Redhead said...

toadely: I generally agree (it's very hard to drink it fast and therefore overdo it), yet...it's a holiday work thing - are they cool with me drinking scotch rocks?

rs27: I know that movie! OK, now your comment makes much more sense.

Diarrhea of the Mouth said...

go tot he party late. that way, you have to play catch up and maybe you will never get tot he point of making an ass of yourself. and you will be making a grant entrance. remember being fashionable late is a good thing.

onthevirg said...

I can't wait for the aftermath of this party. I hope you end up getting wrecked. It is going to make for the Best.Post.Evah!

Stick with vodka rocks...that way you can mi...you know what, scratch that. Go with the scotch neat and tell the bartender to keep em coming. *Giggles* This going to be faaaantastic.

onthevirg said...

Oh crap, I forgot to mention. Just make sure the dude you pick to blow/have sex with isn't married or already has a honey in the office. Cause that would just make what's sure to be a train wreck situation even...well, for us...better.

Erin said...

Off-topic, but I just found this article and it reminded me of the story regarding your cat and Thanksgiving.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/13/fashion/13pet.html?em&ex=1197694800&en=6715c519203561d1&ei=5087%0A

Butch said...

So what happened at the par-tay?