Monday, March 26, 2007

A Time Out for Psychobabble

Guys and I have a complicated relationship (I bet all women can say that). What I mean by that is guys like me – I know how that sounds, but let me explain. You see, generally speaking I’m a cool girl. I’m not clingy, I love sports, I enjoy hanging out with ‘the guys,’ I enjoy…other stuff, and I’ve been told I look good.

Note: This is not going to turn into a whole ‘I’m really hot’ thing, because that’s not for me to say. A woman’s looks always come down to personal taste. Plus, I think it’s weird when someone insists they’re gorgeous but won’t give you a picture to verify it – which I won’t. Ever. (Let’s keep this anonymous, OK?)

Only I’m not so good at relationships. This doesn’t make sense for lots of reasons, not the least of which is that I like guys. I think they’re fun. And I know relationships (real, long-term, working relationships) can exist. I’ve seen them. So there’s no reason for me to have issues. But I do. Big time.

I’ve found that as the years go by, I tend to run from commitment. Not that I’m going to turn this into a psychological examination of myself (I hope), but let’s just say I’ve been meeting a lot of guys lately – I just got out of yet another non-interesting ‘relationship’ – and I’ve been faced with my own limitations. In other words, my friends (and mom) have been very free with their opinions of late.

So I’ve started to pay more attention to my thought process. And it all starts with my ranking system. This is, basically, how I categorize guys upon meeting them. All guys fall into one of three categories. They are:

NO FUCKING WAY. These are the guys who either a) just aren’t attractive to me, or b) say or do something that totally turns me off. These guys will at best get a few minutes of conversation before my friends and I move on. And rarely are they even future friend material. Most guys fall into this category. Red Sox fans belong here.

HMMM, CUTE. These guys fall into my adorable range. In other words, they’re attractive, can hold their own in a conversation, and they have something interesting going on. Maybe something comes of it and maybe something doesn’t, but no matter what they never last long. A few weeks to a couple of months at the most. And I know this right off the bat. I don’t know how, but I just know if there’s not real future there. This is not a guy I will ever introduce to my family. Bad boys fall into this category.

YES, PLEASE. THANK YOU. These are the guys that kind of knock my socks off. Generally really good looking, they have their lives together and don’t need me. They may want me, but they don’t need me. They’re just as smart if not smarter than I am, have great senses of humor, and confidence to spare. These are the guys that I could potentially fall for. That is, if I weren’t me. As it stands now, these guys rarely last longer than the HMMM, CUTE guys do.

Why? Because I’m a runner.

I run from men. All men (eventually). Running from the HMMM, CUTE guys is easy. They were never meant to last long anyway. They were entertainment. But they’re also safe and don’t freak me out as easily. Which is why they’ve been known to last as long (if not longer) than the YES, PLEASE. THANK YOU guys.

This doesn’t make sense, I know. The YES, PLEASE. THANK YOU guys are the keepers. They’re the ones that should (ideally) work out. Because – outside of the little quirks that we all have – they’re pretty perfect. They treat me well, have their shit together, and push my buttons (in a good way). But I always wuss out with them. I’m in danger of ending up in an actual relationship with them, not my typical ‘relationship.’ And that scares me. Because I don’t like relationships.

You see, I’m not a big fan of change. And relationships force me to change. I like my life as it is. I’m comfortable. I suck at change. So while I can change things in the short term (the ‘dating’ stage), I’m not so good at it in the long term. The long term requires a new routine; the thought of which creeps me out. So the YES, PLEASE. THANK YOU guys generally don’t last long. I’m threatened by them.

Like I said, I’m a freak.

Unfortunately, I’m starting to piss people off with this gun-shy behavior – my mother, for one (although she’s trying to pretend my commitment issues don’t bother her, which is actually kind of cute). My friends have taken to teasing me (and telling me they’ll take care of me in my old age). And even the people I work with (I work with a lot of women) have started questioning me when I mention that’s I’m no longer seeing (insert name of current guy here). Apparently ‘I just didn’t get around to ever calling him back/I told him I was too busy for a relationship right now’ aren’t good reasons. Who knew?

So I’ve been thinking. And now I’m torturing you with my ponderings. Am I just young and stupid? Have I simply not met the right person? Will I actually know it if/when I do meet the right person (as so many people are fond of telling me)? Or, could I just not be the settling down type? I don’t know.

I guess maybe I’m willing to admit that I don’t really trust my instincts all that much. I mean, I’ve dated some real losers. And I’m not entirely confident that I can choose a winner (contrary to the name of this blog, I’m not actually always right – I just like to pretend I am). So I’m doing some soul searching (what, it’s Monday), and I’m throwing it out to anyone who’s reading. Any advice? Do you think this is normal behavior? Any words of wisdom for the relationship spaz? I promise to at least read what you’re going to say.

Anyway, enough of that (God, I just had such a girl moment…ugh). Um, what else is going on? Oh, met a HMMM, CUTE guy this weekend (my nothing time was destroyed by good weather), and he called already. We’re having dinner this week. Guy #1 and Guy #2 are continuing to call. I feel bad for Guy #1 since he was a firm HMMM, CUTE guy that I’m just not comfortable dating after all the drama. Only he doesn’t know why I’m not returning his calls. And Guy #2 – who is a firm NO FUCKING WAY guy – is still calling, asking if I hate him, and begging me to meet with him so he can apologize. What a moron.

Happy Monday everybody.


onthevirg said...

Maybe you're just one of those people that likes being by yourself better than being in a relationship at the present time. My g/f has told me that she was that way for quite a long time.
Let's face it, when you're in a relationship, there's a lot of compromise that can be involved to date exclusively. Even more when you're co-habitating. I don't know if this necessarily means that you need "help" or anything, maybe it's just not your gig right now.
As far as "knowing" that you're meant to be with someone, I think it takes time to figure that out on a case by case basis. And I don't think you have to "need" someone either. That's just kind of sad to hear someone say they can't live without some person. Really?
Don't get me wrong, I love my g/f to death, she treats me fantastic, makes me laugh, etc...but I'd manage to make it through if it came apart.
If you're happy being solo, go with it. Why let what other people think is appropriate dictate what you do? It's the "why hasn't she got a man" syndrome. Usually inflicted on women by women. My 2 cents.

Redhead said...

And your 2 cents are always appreciated.
Yeah, I definitely am the time who prefers being alone, I know that. I just occasionally wonder if that preference gets in the way of a good thing. But fuck it - I'll worry about it again next year.