Quick follow up on my St. Patty’s Day post – yes, I heard from both Guy #1 and Guy #2 again on Monday. No, I didn’t answer my phone, and no I don’t intend to call either of them back. Oh, and yes, Guy #2 is a complete douchebag who screwed over his friend.
However, the experience did get me thinking (not about myself – I’ve had enough introspection to last me a while, thanks). No, it got me thinking about the rules. Not girl rules – I already know those – but about guy rules. Because clearly Guy #2 broke a huge one when he cock-blocked (can’t believe I just used that in a sentence) his friend and then made a move on me. I get that. I also get that the poor treatment of his buddy is considered way worse (to other guys) than the whole cheating on his girlfriend thing. Fine.
But what about other things – other similar type things? What are the guy rules on, say, dating a friend’s ex? Is that better or worse than dating a buddy’s sister? These questions need answers.
So I came up with some hypotheticals, and I jotted them down below. Take a look and give me some feedback on where things fall in the guy rulebook. Tell me where things stand on a scale from 1 to 10 – 10 being really bad and totally against all guy rules, and 1 being no big deal. (And for any girls reading, what’s your take on all this?)
-Picking up a girl your buddy has been hitting on – but doing it in front of him
-Picking up a girl your buddy has been hitting on – but doing it behind his back
-Letting a girl your buddy likes (but isn’t dating) pick you up
-Dating a buddy’s ex
-Remaining friends with a buddy’s ex
-Getting with a girl that your buddy slept with but never dated
-Dating a buddy’s sister (I think I already know the answer to this one, and let me just say it’s pissed me off for years)
-Asking for details about your buddy’s sex life (I know it’s cool with women, but I’ve never gotten a straight answer from a guy about this one)
-Saying something negative about your buddy’s girlfriend/wife – even when she’s a complete bitch and/or ugly
-Telling your buddy’s girlfriend/wife that he cheated on her
-Telling YOUR girlfriend/wife about your buddy cheating on HIS girlfriend/wife
-Not telling your buddy about HIS girlfriend/wife cheating on him
-Blowing off plans with your buddy for a girl
-Ripping on your buddy’s sports teams – how far is too far (or is there no too far)?
And this one just because I’m curious – it doesn’t involve guy friends, but I really need to know:
-Hitting on your girlfriend/wife’s friend (note: this one have happened to me several times and it creeps me out – has this ever actually worked? When did guys start thinking this was a good idea?)
OK, those are all I can come up with off the top of my head, but I’m sure there are more. Feel free to add other rules or opinions in the comments section.
5 comments:
Keep in mind these are just personal feelings, might not be the definitive Guy Law rulings:
-Picking up a girl your buddy has been hitting on – but doing it in front of him: 8 - You're being a total cock, but @ least you're being upfront about it.
-Picking up a girl your buddy has been hitting on – but doing it behind his back: 10 - Not only are you being a total cock, but you're being a sneaky prick on top of it.
-Letting a girl your buddy likes (but isn’t dating) pick you up: Variable - Depends on how reasonable your buddy is about his realistic chances w/ said girl. Could be anywhere between a 5 to 10.
-Dating a buddy’s ex: 10 - Guaranteed way to make things awkward, since you can bet there's going to be shit said about both parties.
-Remaining friends with a buddy’s ex: Why? There is only one reason a guy would do this, and it's not to stay friends.
-Getting with a girl that your buddy slept with but never dated: 1 - That's open season. Though could be weird if you wanted to date said girl.
-Dating a buddy’s sister (I think I already know the answer to this one, and let me just say it’s pissed me off for years): 25 (multiply X 100 if this friend is a woman) - I believe that's THE OFFICIAL ruling, since no guy wants to find out that his sister is being used as a wall buffer by his friend. Not to mention, it would be big trouble if things don't go well, for everyone involved. Unfortunate but true. Learned this @ a young age
-Asking for details about your buddy’s sex life (I know it’s cool with women, but I’ve never gotten a straight answer from a guy about this one): 1 - But guys just don't do this the same way women do (I think). I know woman can be vulgar too, hell can even excel @ it, but I think guys are more interested in generalities and don't get into detail as much as woman might.
-Saying something negative about your buddy’s girlfriend/wife – even when she’s a complete bitch and/or ugly: Variable - Again depends on your buddy and probably how much "shit he's put up with lately." Oh, and how drunk he might be.
-Telling your buddy’s girlfriend/wife that he cheated on her: 10 - Dickpunch might be warranted here.
-Telling YOUR girlfriend/wife about your buddy cheating on HIS girlfriend/wife: 3 - If they ARE NOT friends, his exposure is minimal. Though this could be a problem when she doesn't want you hanging out with that "dirbag"; 10 - If they are. You might as well have just told her directly.
-Not telling your buddy about HIS girlfriend/wife cheating on him: 10
-Blowing off plans with your buddy for a girl: 5 - But adjustable according to the plans that you had . IE: 10 if you blew him off when he had tickets behind the third base dugout. Plus your an idiot, free tickets and BEER!!
-Ripping on your buddy’s sports teams – how far is too far (or is there no too far)?: 1 - What is this too far you speak of?
-Hitting on your girlfriend/wife’s friend (note: this one have happened to me several times and it creeps me out – has this ever actually worked? When did guys start thinking this was a good idea?): This just makes you unbelievably fucking retarded. You shouldn't be allowed outside without a helmet on.
Onthevirg has some solid responses. I'll revisit a few where I have a different viewpoint.
-Letting a girl your buddy likes (but isn’t dating) pick you up: 10- Makes for a nice subplot in romantic comedies, but just don't do it. Move on or at least wait until he's moved on.
-Remaining friends with a buddy’s ex: This only makes sense if you were friends with her before they started going out.
-Telling YOUR girlfriend/wife about your buddy cheating on HIS girlfriend/wife: 3 - If they ARE NOT friends, his exposure is minimal.
It would also help if you didn't live in the same town...or state, just to be safe.
-Ripping on your buddy’s sports teams – how far is too far (or is there no too far)?: 1- Most of my friends are Cleveland sports fans. We're used to the abuse.
-Hitting on your girlfriend/wife’s friend (note: this one have happened to me several times and it creeps me out – has this ever actually worked? When did guys start thinking this was a good idea?): Not the smoothest move. Unless threesomes are a viable option...or you're deliberately trying to sabotage your relationship.
You see here's the thing - I've remained friends with a few of my ex's friends. Most of the time their friends were cooler than they were. How does this not make sense to either of you? Do you honestly believe that a guy and a girl can't be friends (platonically)?
And out of curiousity (because I've NEVER told a friend if I knew their bf/husband was cheating - or trying to) how do you tell them? It seems to be a guy rule that you have to, but doesn't it kind of destroy your relationship with your friend too?
I don't think that it's women and men can't be platonic friends, but that I meet those woman in other circumstances, not from being an ex of a buddy. That could possibly be an issue if you ever have to admit you're hanging w/ his ex. In the instance you gave, you're not likely to talk to your ex again right? So there it's not big deal. When it comes down to telling a buddy he has someone cheating on him, you do it over a beer and make sure that you have your facts straight. From my point of view, it's not your fault that his chick is actin a bitch. Had to do this a couple of times, and after the intial anger @ me being the source of bad news, they got over it.
This is quite the When Harry Met Sally moment. Certainly men and women can be friends. In my experience, the only time I've remained friends with a buddy's ex is when we were already friends before they dated. Apart from that, the exes usually fall into the acquaintance category. Someone you say hello to or strike up a fairly general conversation when you see them around town.
If it happens to be a bad split, it's easy to get caught up in that breakup undertow. He said/she said, what's he/she doing, why doesn't he/she love me...nobody wants to get caught in that spot. One of the friendships is guaranteed to suffer if you're seen to be taking a side.
As far as telling a friend about cheating, I don't think there's a surefire way to do it. The beer idea is good...just don't wait until the 10th one. Any resulting damage to the friendship is minimal compared to what will happen if he finds out you knew and didn't tell him.
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