Friday, June 29, 2007

I Am Random

Well, as my readers know, I do tend to go off on my tangents – and no one does random like I do. So for this Friday, I give you yet another look inside the mind of Redhead (you might want to hold onto something…not THAT):

-Referring to myself in the third person – still fun!

-I keep having this urge to go blonde for the summer. Sure my mom would kill me if I did it, it would probably fry my hair, and I can only guess how shitty it would look with my pale ass skin, but…I don’t know. I still kind of feel like a change. Fuck it – I have a massage appointment at the spa this weekend (which is right above the salon where I get my hair cut), maybe I’ll just do it.

-Speaking of massages, I can’t wait for mine. This is something NY Guy is no good at (although he does get points for trying). I honestly think he’s taking out all of his pent up frustration at me when he rubs my back (although he’d never admit to it); in other words, it hurts like a bitch. But a professional massage – guaranteed to make me want to purr. Fuck. Yeah.

-My top 10 iPod songs this week (I’ve been feeling kind of mellow): Have You Ever Seen the Rain? by CCR; Hero of the Day by Metallica; I’ll Be Your Lover Too by Van Morrison; Lake of Fire by Nirvana (actually, the whole Nirvana Unplugged album’s been getting a lot of play recently); Black by Pearl Jam; Deserted by Blind Melon; Redemption Song by Bob Marley; Behind Blue Eyes by The Who; Feeling Good by Nina Simone; Hard Headed Woman by Cat Stevens.

Oh shit, there’s no Sublime on this list. OK, let’s throw in Badfish from 40 Oz. to Freedom.

-There’s this scene in The Wedding Planner (that piece of shit movie with Jennifer Lopez and Matthew McConaughey that’s ALWAYS on TV) that has totally ruined M&Ms for me – which I’ve decided is just criminal. And I need to vent about it for a second so bear with me: In the movie, McConaughey’s character is being charming (or at least I’m assuming that’s what they were going for – I clearly don’t agree), and he goes to this movie with Lopez’s character. Anyway, as they sit down he pours a bunch of M&Ms into his hand and starts to discard all the candies that aren’t brown. When Lopez asks what he’s doing, he explains to her that “they have less artificial coloring because chocolate’s already brown.” Cue my head exploding. Um, dude? Isn’t your character a fucking DOCTOR? Shouldn’t he be smart enough to know that ALL M&Ms (yes, even the brown ones) have a candy shell over the fucking chocolate? The brown have just as much artificial coloring as the rest – because the candy shell isn’t made of chocolate. You fucking incompetent moron. And the worst part? That I think of this shitty scene every time I’m eating M&Ms. And it pisses me off.

-I’m going to be out of town next week (sitting by a pool, trying not to burn – don’t worry, it’s being considered a ‘working from home week’ so I’ll still be checking in and probably posting; I’ll just be doing it in a bathing suit), and I’ve decided to do John a favor. Now hear me out: I have tickets for a Yanks game next week (my season seats), and I’m not going to be around, so I’m just GIVING them to him (he already knows everyone who sits around me anyway). So, he gets to take his dad to a game (something he’s been wanting to do for a while) AND sit in my awesome seats. In exchange, I get to continue to avoid ‘The Talk’ AND avoid the torture of watching my team continue to suck. (Note: This is not entirely true since I will – of course – still watch the game. I’ll just be doing it in relative privacy – which is probably for the best. What can I say, I’m a glutton for punishment.) Anyway, fair plan right? Tickets in exchange for continued avoidance? Everybody wins?

-This is the transcript of a conversation I had with my friend Linda last night:

(Note: I was watching TV the entire time – which is something I often do when I’m on the phone with someone – and hadn’t really been paying attention. Anyway, the gist of the conversation was that Linda had been on a date and I was getting the post-mortem.)
Linda: You would have loved this guy.
Redhead: Why’s that?
Linda: Oh, he had the gentleman thing down pat – he was on time, insisted on paying, pulled my chair out for me, the whole nine yards. Then, at the end of the night he hailed me a cab, held the door open for me, and put his hand on my elbow to help me get inside.
Redhead: Did you immediately get down on your knees and thank him properly?
(Silence.)
Redhead: I’m kidding!

And you wonder why my friends keep me around.

-I think avocados may be one of the best foods ever – they’re all buttery and rich and soft in your mouth…yum. Who doesn’t like avocados? I’m hungry.

-I hate Dave Matthews. See, I had a roommate freshman year of college who was legitimately psycho, and every time she cheated on a boyfriend (which was always about a month after she left her previous guy for him), she would blast Dave Matthews while she was getting it on. So picture this, me minding my own business (shut up, it’s possible) while trying to avoid The Roommate, and then burying my head in my hands when that fucking whiny ass voice came on her stereo. Which happened every month and half or so.

Now I wasn’t a huge Dave Matthews fan before then, but it’s safe to say I positively loathe him now. Like, ‘my skin is crawling turn that shit off’ loathe him. And guess who loves Dave Matthews? Yup, John. Yet another reason to add to the list of why I can’t ever touch him.

-I think every Starbucks should have a special line for their regulars. My Starbucks – near my office – has been especially crowded lately, and I’m not happy about it. (Know what I don’t want to do in the morning when I’m waiting for my coffee? That’s right, stand in line for 10 fucking minutes!) I mean hell, they already know what I’m going to order; they should have an express line for people like me. I’m special damnit! Fuck, I need a vacation.


And with that, I’m done for now. Feel free to comment on any of this, throw your own random thoughts at me, or kiss my ass. Whatever you’re up for.

Have a great weekend.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Red,

I know how you feel about Dave Matthews. There are fans just a little over the edge. I am mixed but generally favor most of his music. Not a good voice, but his band is excellent.

I live in the band's hometown in Virginia." Yes, over there is the bar he used to work at", etc.

Yes, the Yankees suck. Though I have always found it easy to root against them I am a big Joe Torre fan. A class act. I am a life-long Orioles fan so I have wanted to get rid of Angelos for years.

The blonde angle is interesting. You may just blow the whole dumb stereotype out of the water.

Have a good one.

Dave, the peppermint brownie guy

onthevirg said...

Why in Holy Hell would you go blonde!? I swear if you do that we won't talk for weeks. Wait, that's not a threat is it? But blond...really?

Since you're the Redhead, maybe you could answer this question that I've wondered about for a long time. Why is it that redheads are either smoking hot, or completely fug? No one has ever been able to satisfactorily answer this.

onthevirg said...

Oh...and the story you really wanted is up.

Redhead said...

Dave: Those peppermint brownies are famous in my family now. My dad and I were fighting over the leftovers when I made them - you are one of my favorite commenters EVER. But while I agree with you that Torre is a class act, his bullpen management sucks, and I'm reaching the end of my patience with him.

onthevirg: You are completely right about the whole redhead gorgeous/ugly extreme - my mom and I have commented on that for a LONG time. And honestly, I don't know why. I just think we need to accept that there really is no such thing as a completely average looking redhead and move on. But if anyone else has an answer for us, feel free to let us know.

Now let me see if I'm getting this right - you're saying no to me going blonde? But seriously, I thought men loved blondes. Sure, they love redheads too, but it seemed like a safe change to make. No?

Dan said...

I've met a lot of people that hate The Dave Matthews Band. but I've never met anyone that hates them for any reason having to do with how they sounds. It's always some story you just told, or the frat boy fans are annoying, or they're not a "true jam band" or whatever. The fact of the matter is that those guys can play and Dave can pen a delightful song.

Also, I dated an average looking redhead. Actually, she was a beautiful redhead while I was dating her, but now she's just average. Although, I think the gorgeous/ugly redhead thing is generally true. I've never seen you so I don't know which category you fall into [or even if you're really a redhead!], but I will say, I've never seen any redhead that falls into the gorgeous category become better looking by going blonde.

Redhead said...

Dan, don't go defending Dave Matthews! His voice drives me batty. Sure, there may be a reason for it, but still...

Oh, and for everyone out there: Yes, I do in fact have red hair, and that is how I came up the profile name Redhead (it was a particularly creative day for me, obviously).

So, I'm guess that's another no to the blonde hair idea from Dan. So Dave seems to be the only one who's not against the idea so far. Anyone else want to weigh in?

TK said...

Don't go blond. The world has enough blonds.

Massages - I like 'em rough. Seriously. My favorite part of when I get one from Mrs. TK is when she spends five minutes pounding on my back with closed fists. Seriously, she breaks a sweat. It's heaven.

As for songs - this is how psycho I am. I was up until 1AM last night making a playlist for my trip to Philly. It's 19 hours long. I figured I should adjust for potential traffic, plus it's a round-trip list.

Anonymous said...

I did not say I was for the change, just that you seem to have the personality to do.

I prefer brunettes and redheads to blondes. Always have.

If you want it, do it. Some changes are made after a long contemplation, others spur of the moment. My hair is turning gray finally but I won't ever color it. I am just glad to still have what is still there.

Dave

Redhead said...

tk: There's seriously a difference between someone pounding on your back with their fists and someone taking a knuckle and digging it into a muscle...really hard. I still think you'd flinch if you had to go through what I do.

So, any Dave Matthews on your playlist?

Dave: Men can pull off going gray and often actually look better doing it. Women - not so much.

Um, does ANYONE like the idea of my going blonde?

Anonymous said...

Like the idea? We are not the jury. I may like it and not love it. I have never seen your face. I imagine your smile and laugh. But who the hell am I to tell you? You are not a politician trying to please the masses.

If you NEED and WANT the change, do it. Case closed. Screw everyone else!

On women and the gray hair...women can still do it and look great. We all accept where we are in life and it is those that get artificially younger that lose in the long run. Just my opinion.

Have a great weekend!

Dave

Bella said...

I think you should stay a redhead. I'm a brunette and have no choice to be cause anything else would look f-in ridiculous with my olive complexion.

Actually, you would probably look great blonde. I know a lot of blondes with pale ass skin. j/k.

Think of the maintenance and upkeep. ugh!

:)
Bella

Nexus 6 said...

I, too, love the avocado.

Go blonde. Fuck it. If you don't like it, you can always go back home. Shit, go platinum.

I agree with the "regulars" line. In fact, it makes perfect sense. Like at the airport, when you see the first class tickets line, and there is like NO ONE in it, and you are in the midst of a 400 person mob waiting in the "all others" line. I hate those first classers. Now if only we could translate that into the coffee house. I would finally be SUPERIOR!

Ugh, Monday and raining in my 'hood. Thanks for the talkable post Red. You betch.