Well, as my readers know, I do tend to go off on my tangents – and no one does random like I do. So for this Friday, I give you yet another look inside the mind of Redhead (you might want to hold onto something…not THAT):
-Referring to myself in the third person – still fun!
-I keep having this urge to go blonde for the summer. Sure my mom would kill me if I did it, it would probably fry my hair, and I can only guess how shitty it would look with my pale ass skin, but…I don’t know. I still kind of feel like a change. Fuck it – I have a massage appointment at the spa this weekend (which is right above the salon where I get my hair cut), maybe I’ll just do it.
-Speaking of massages, I can’t wait for mine. This is something NY Guy is no good at (although he does get points for trying). I honestly think he’s taking out all of his pent up frustration at me when he rubs my back (although he’d never admit to it); in other words, it hurts like a bitch. But a professional massage – guaranteed to make me want to purr. Fuck. Yeah.
-My top 10 iPod songs this week (I’ve been feeling kind of mellow): Have You Ever Seen the Rain? by CCR; Hero of the Day by Metallica; I’ll Be Your Lover Too by Van Morrison; Lake of Fire by Nirvana (actually, the whole Nirvana Unplugged album’s been getting a lot of play recently); Black by Pearl Jam; Deserted by Blind Melon; Redemption Song by Bob Marley; Behind Blue Eyes by The Who; Feeling Good by Nina Simone; Hard Headed Woman by Cat Stevens.
Oh shit, there’s no Sublime on this list. OK, let’s throw in Badfish from 40 Oz. to Freedom.
-There’s this scene in The Wedding Planner (that piece of shit movie with Jennifer Lopez and Matthew McConaughey that’s ALWAYS on TV) that has totally ruined M&Ms for me – which I’ve decided is just criminal. And I need to vent about it for a second so bear with me: In the movie, McConaughey’s character is being charming (or at least I’m assuming that’s what they were going for – I clearly don’t agree), and he goes to this movie with Lopez’s character. Anyway, as they sit down he pours a bunch of M&Ms into his hand and starts to discard all the candies that aren’t brown. When Lopez asks what he’s doing, he explains to her that “they have less artificial coloring because chocolate’s already brown.” Cue my head exploding. Um, dude? Isn’t your character a fucking DOCTOR? Shouldn’t he be smart enough to know that ALL M&Ms (yes, even the brown ones) have a candy shell over the fucking chocolate? The brown have just as much artificial coloring as the rest – because the candy shell isn’t made of chocolate. You fucking incompetent moron. And the worst part? That I think of this shitty scene every time I’m eating M&Ms. And it pisses me off.
-I’m going to be out of town next week (sitting by a pool, trying not to burn – don’t worry, it’s being considered a ‘working from home week’ so I’ll still be checking in and probably posting; I’ll just be doing it in a bathing suit), and I’ve decided to do John a favor. Now hear me out: I have tickets for a Yanks game next week (my season seats), and I’m not going to be around, so I’m just GIVING them to him (he already knows everyone who sits around me anyway). So, he gets to take his dad to a game (something he’s been wanting to do for a while) AND sit in my awesome seats. In exchange, I get to continue to avoid ‘The Talk’ AND avoid the torture of watching my team continue to suck. (Note: This is not entirely true since I will – of course – still watch the game. I’ll just be doing it in relative privacy – which is probably for the best. What can I say, I’m a glutton for punishment.) Anyway, fair plan right? Tickets in exchange for continued avoidance? Everybody wins?
-This is the transcript of a conversation I had with my friend Linda last night:
(Note: I was watching TV the entire time – which is something I often do when I’m on the phone with someone – and hadn’t really been paying attention. Anyway, the gist of the conversation was that Linda had been on a date and I was getting the post-mortem.)
Linda: You would have loved this guy.
Redhead: Why’s that?
Linda: Oh, he had the gentleman thing down pat – he was on time, insisted on paying, pulled my chair out for me, the whole nine yards. Then, at the end of the night he hailed me a cab, held the door open for me, and put his hand on my elbow to help me get inside.
Redhead: Did you immediately get down on your knees and thank him properly?
Redhead: I’m kidding!
And you wonder why my friends keep me around.
-I think avocados may be one of the best foods ever – they’re all buttery and rich and soft in your mouth…yum. Who doesn’t like avocados? I’m hungry.
-I hate Dave Matthews. See, I had a roommate freshman year of college who was legitimately psycho, and every time she cheated on a boyfriend (which was always about a month after she left her previous guy for him), she would blast Dave Matthews while she was getting it on. So picture this, me minding my own business (shut up, it’s possible) while trying to avoid The Roommate, and then burying my head in my hands when that fucking whiny ass voice came on her stereo. Which happened every month and half or so.
Now I wasn’t a huge Dave Matthews fan before then, but it’s safe to say I positively loathe him now. Like, ‘my skin is crawling turn that shit off’ loathe him. And guess who loves Dave Matthews? Yup, John. Yet another reason to add to the list of why I can’t ever touch him.
-I think every Starbucks should have a special line for their regulars. My Starbucks – near my office – has been especially crowded lately, and I’m not happy about it. (Know what I don’t want to do in the morning when I’m waiting for my coffee? That’s right, stand in line for 10 fucking minutes!) I mean hell, they already know what I’m going to order; they should have an express line for people like me. I’m special damnit! Fuck, I need a vacation.
And with that, I’m done for now. Feel free to comment on any of this, throw your own random thoughts at me, or kiss my ass. Whatever you’re up for.
Have a great weekend.