Well…still fired/laid off. Still not terribly upset about it (that has to mean something by the way). And people are still being super nice to me – something that alternately freaks me out and gives me the warm fuzzies. My sister did call last night to ask me what the hell is wrong with my baseball team (bitch), so I’m not totally living in an alternate universe yet.
Some other stuff:
I’m no Tiger Woods: Christine and another friend took me out to a driving range on Friday night to drink beer and hit golf balls. Turns out, driving ranges aren’t anything like miniature golf – which, by the way, I’m AWESOME at – and I missed more balls than I hit. (Note: I’d never been to a driving range before, but it appears that between a few beers, zero experience, and a REALLY SMALL ball, I’m a fucking spaz.) Anyway, hitting golf balls was SUPPOSED to help me get out my frustrations in an acceptable manner. Instead it just pissed me off – I get the feeling the language I was using was not acceptable or typical for the driving range crowd. Who knew that calling the ball a little cocksucker was going to freak so many people out? Still…oops.
Christine cracks me up: I was kind of burned out on my friends by Saturday, so I chose to just ignore all phone calls as of Saturday morning (I needed ‘me time’). Apparently when you’ve just lost your job, people kind of freak out when you drop off the face of the earth and don’t return calls for 24 hours (even though I do that kind of shit all the time). Anyway, between Saturday morning and Sunday night, Christine called 5 times. 5 fucking times! I called her back 0 times. Bad Redhead! When we finally spoke, this is how it went down:
Christine: Dude, I was really scared.
Redhead: (Pausing with a Swedish fish halfway to my mouth – mmm, Swedish fish) Why were you scared? I never call you back until you start threatening me.
Christine: But you just got fired!
Redhead: Laid off. And so?
Christine: So I was panicking and thinking all sorts of bad things.
Redhead: (Contemplating how scotch would taste with Swedish fish) Are you serious? How long have you known me? I’m not depressed. I’m not even sad.
Christine: Well…you never know.
Redhead: (Snorting) Oh for fuck’s sake! Let’s look at this logically – who would take care of my cat if something happened to me? She hates everyone. I couldn’t leave her all alone – what kind of mommy do you think I am?
Christine: (Stunned silence, then…) You’re a freak.
Redhead: No shit. (Hmmm, scotch and Swedish fish – fucking gross together) So, what did you end up doing on Saturday?
Christine: Finally got laid.
Redhead: (Now THAT depressed me) Yup, sounds like you were super worried about me.
Dating ban has been lifted: Look, I’m all for being single right now, but I need to eat. So, that whole ‘I’m staying away from men’ kick that I was on has been postponed until further notice. I’m going to need to become a kept woman for a while here, so…don’t judge me. I need someone to a) pay for me (I’m expensive), and b) put a smile on my face (if you know what I mean – wink, wink). Now all I have to do is find someone I can tolerate. Shit, as if looking for a job wasn’t enough.
Anyway…what have you guys been up to? Any dirty stories for me?