So I got an email from my friend Linda yesterday – you may remember her from here. And as I read through it I realized that we hadn’t spoken in a couple of months. No big deal – it was more of an observation than anything else. (Hmmm, maybe I should explain that a bit more…)
OK, here’s the thing – I can easily go months without talking to a friend. How is that possible, you ask? Well, the easy answer is I’m lazy and like to be left alone; if my friends don’t call me I won’t call them. (Yes, I suck.) But, since my friends all know this, it’s not an issue. They DO call me. (I lost track of the ones who didn’t long ago.)
But sometimes shit happens, and I won’t hear from someone for a long period of time. This can happen for many reasons, but the top ones are: 1) Work’s crazy, 2) They were on vacation and when they got back they had shit to do, or 3) They found themselves a boyfriend.
Let me be clear: I am not implying that my friends are the type to drop off the face of the earth when they find a man – I don’t hang with those chicks. But when they’re the ones who have to make all the effort to keep in touch (again, I suck), I tend to become the person who slips through the cracks. And I’m cool with that. OK? OK, now back to my story.
So my email dings yesterday, and it’s Linda. She wants to hang out, she just got back from vacation (aha!), AND she has a new boyfriend. “Ooh” I replied, “Who is he? How’d you meet him?”
“It’s Charlie,” she wrote back. And I thought…OH FUCK!
Here’s the problem with Linda dating Charlie – Charlie has been Linda’s friend for a while, I’ve met him on multiple occasions, he’s a total tool, and he once asked me out and I laughed in his face.
Yeah, you read that right. I quite literally…laughed…in…his…face.
You see what happened was we were all out at a bar a few months ago, and Charlie had cornered me into a conversation. Charlie is socially awkward and just plain annoying, so don’t even think about blaming me for deciding to start drinking. And for continuing to drink. Anyway, by the time he asked me out (shocking the shit out of me), I was pretty well buzzed. So I…laughed in his face. And umm…said no. And walked away…
The thing is, Charlie is both self-righteous and completely lacking in a sense of humor (not that I expected him to find his asking me out as funny as I did). He’s also tall, kind of fat, not at all attractive, and slightly balding. I am not only NOT attracted to him physically, but I think he’s a total jackass. So I laughed.
Still, he’s Linda’s friend, so…yeah, I should have handled it better.
Only now Linda’s dating him. And while I never told her what happened at the bar that night (why would I sell myself out?), and I doubt he did either (you don’t tell a girl you’re dating that you once hit on her friend), this could still get sticky. Because I don’t want to hang out with them, I’m sure he doesn’t want to hang out with me, and neither of us can tell Linda why.
So what I’m thinking will happen is Linda will insist we all go out, he’ll act weird (because he’s the complete opposite of cool), and Linda will get suspicious.
Then Linda will freak out. Because here’s the thing – Linda and I have known each other for a while. And she has some issues with me. She’s…not entirely comfortable letting guys she likes near me. Long story short, it started in high school when the guy she was in love with told her he had a crush on me. The fact that I wasn’t interested didn’t matter, and Linda ended up not speaking to me for MONTHS (even though I had never done anything wrong!).
Now Linda has another boyfriend – one who (at least a few months ago) was interested in me. And if Linda finds out what happened – not just that he asked me out but also how rude I was to him (oops) – I’m…uh…fucked I guess is the word.
So…any suggestions people? You know me – I don’t do subtlety and “nice stuff” well so I am fully capable of making this whole thing worse. Oh, and don’t tell me she’s overreacting (or will be) if she gets mad – while that’s true and I totally agree (I hate drama), this is one of my best friends here. So be good.