Thursday, August 16, 2007

Need Help

OK guys, I actually need your help/advice right now, so get ready. Um…where to begin? Fuck it, let’s just say that rare as it is, sometimes men do things that I can’t figure out, I overthink things, and I turn into a fucking girl about it. I hate that. But like it or not, this just happens to be one of those times. So…some quick background info:

About 2 years ago I went on a few dates with this guy. It never got serious, the calls and dates between both of us were sporadic at best, and eventually things petered out. Honestly, the most that happened between us was that I joined this guy’s fantasy baseball league, OK? But I actually liked him; I thought he was adorable. BUT, I never got a real serious vibe from him so I never really pushed things (I like being the one pursued, what can I say).

Anyway, after baseball season ended, we stopped communicating altogether and that was that – no big deal. That was about a year and a half ago. THEN, today – out of fucking nowhere – I get an email. No, not from Fantasy Guy – that will be his nickname for now – but from Friendster. Now, I know nothing about Friendster, had never been on their Web site before today, and have very little to go on here, but the gist of the email was that Fantasy Guy was inviting me to join Friendster and his network of friends.


Immediately I emailed Christine and told her what was going on – I had to remind her who Fantasy Guy was it had been so long. I then asked HER to tell ME what the fuck was going on. (Note: Christine is normally great at figuring stuff out.)

She told me to go on Friendster and check to see how long he’s been a member. Apparently, I needed to figure out if this was a ‘he just joined and he submitted the names and emails of everyone in his address book’ thing, or is this was a ‘he’s been thinking about me and this is his way of making contact’ sort of thing.

Fucking boys.

SO, I went onto Friendster. He’s been a member since 2003, he has 18 people in his “network” or friends, and there are no recent additions to the group.


Christine now has nothing. Besides saying this is probably a passive-aggressive way of getting in touch – he obviously has my email, why not email me directly if he wants to talk? – she still can’t tell me what he might be thinking. Does he want to give us a second chance to get to know each other better? Is this just a weird blip on the radar and it means nothing? What could possess him to think of me NOW anyway? And what exactly does he want me to do here? Do I join? Do I email him and ask? Did he invite me by accident? Agh!

Look what I’ve been reduced to. I’m overthinking and analyzing this to death, and I’m pissing myself off. I AM NOT THAT GIRL!!!!!!!! Shit, this is what this guy does to me, and I do not know why. This is why I was almost happy when nothing came of us.

People, help me and tell me what’s going on/what I should do – I’m clearly in no shape to be figuring this out on my own.


TK said...

Jesus Christ in a bucket.

Enough with the neurosis. Do his motivations even matter? Do you want to see him again?

If yes, respond. If no, don't respond.

If you don't want to join the Friendster thing, just send him and email saying you're not into Friendster, and maybe:

"Hey, how's it going? Let's get together. Oh, by the way, you make me feel funny. Down where I pee."

That should do it.

Redhead said...

Yeah, but if he's this passive about getting in touch with me, he's going to drive me nuts. And yes, obviously I like him, but my taste sucks.

Fuck! And don't lecture me - I know how pathetic I sound.

Jumpshootingfool said...

This one's easy. David Wells cleared waivers this morning and he probably wants to know if you think he's going to get picked up.
Either that, or he's a total jackass who doesn't know how to talk to women.

Redhead said...

I'm not in his fantasy baseball league anymore! I haven't spoken to him sense the end of LAST season.

It's just my luck that I like a guy who's completely clueless socially. The good catches, nah - they're boring. The spazes - bring em on!

*Banging head against desk - over, and over, and over again*

TK said...

*Throws hands in the air, walks away muttering*

Redhead said...

THAT'S not helping.

Cheese said...

Random male reader here with my advice....

Who the fuck still uses Friendster? Seriously, that's soooo 2005. I haven't even been on my account in probably 6 months.

And yeah, if I remember correctly, there were a LOT of attempts by Friendster to do the whole "input your address book" annoying things, so its possible he did that....

If not, RUN. Dude's creepy.

TK said...

Hey, I TRIED to help. Your last TWO posts, I left perfectly good, helpful advice. Not my fault you ignore me and are trying to crazy it out by yourself.

*grumble grumble grumble*

Jack Cobra said...

I'm thinking he just re-input the addresses to see if he could get his friend count higher....

I really think you are in a no-lose situation though. Just email him/or join and see what happens.

glassyarddog said...

I'm 100% with tk on this one.

If you have interest, respond. If not, just pretend you haven't used Friendster in years and have joined a vegan cult that does not allow computer access.


Redhead said...

cheese: Christine said the same thing, but since I've NEVER been on Friendster before today, I clearly didn't know when it was cool, so... Still, maybe he did just reinput his address book. I'm just getting a headache from this whole thing. Thanks for the advice though.

tk: You're advice in the past two days has ranged from pretty good to fucking scary. And I am allowed an OCCASSIONAL girl moment, so stop grumbling - at least I post more than once a week.

jack: Yeah, I'm thinking that's what happened too. Not sure what I'm going to do, but if I do respond it definitely won't be today - I need to distance myself from my own brain first.

glassyarddog: Smartass.

Bella said...

Don't waste your time trying to psycho-analyze men. It's a total waste of time.

Obviously, he has/had a thing for you to even want you to join. If he wanted to build up his newtwork, he could very easily do that without you. He's been thinking about you no doubt.

If you're interested, join.

If not, *delete*

Good luck...

Redhead said...

Yeah, sure, be logical. Men bother me so much less when I'm drinking.

Bella said...

I'll drink to that...

:) Bella

Diarrhea of the Mouth said...

boys are fucking stupid, this is why i stopped trying to figure them out. instead go shopping, buy some shoes. shit buy a lot of shoes and a purse.

A Lover and a Fighter said...

accept it. what's the worst that could happen? and tk's first comment made me laugh.

onthevirg said...

The dude's obviously a gigantic vag. If he was really interested he'd contact you directly. And if he is and he decided to use Friendster (wayyyy lame) to do it, do you want to be involved w/ such a limp dick? Unless you constantly want to be the aggressor. Seriously.

Move along people, there's nothing to see here. But you'll probably puss out and join anyway. Women *Snort*

MCBias said...

There are two possibilities.
(1) He really did like you, but wasn't able to express it. Being a wuss, he's casually checking your interest via this Friendster invite.
(2) He just wants to keep his options open, and this is a way of showing that he still wants to have some contact with you in case he ever changes his mind.

As long as he's not a player (and it definitely sounds like he's too clueless to be one), why not accept and send him a little note saying "hey, thanks, what's going on with you?" Don't volunteer any info about yourself. If you get a long letter back and he asks you several questions about yourself, it's (1); otherwise, it's (2). Right? Best of luck.

MCBias said...

Oh, a word of caution: all my romantic advice is theoretical, ha. I hereby waive all personal responsibility for your further actions. :-)

Anonymous said...


So many friends with advice after a long day.

Yes, your are allowed to have girl thoughts and feelings. Always and forever. I hope.

Wow, I thought I was passive-aggresive in the past. F that stuff, says the wise older Virginia gentleman. He is being indirect as possible because he's been thinking about you for a while but wondered how to get back in touch. He could have done better, so appreciate the "effort", regardless the avenue.

I'd get direct if you still have an interest. Email his ass and say WTF about the network invitation. Go have a beer and tofu.

If you still have good thoughts about him, then do it. Do not over analyze. Trust yourself when you are speaking/emailing him. He may be secretly hoping for the direct approach.


Redhead said...

diarrhea of the mouth: Retail therapy is nice, but it can get really, really, really expensive. With the number of guys I have to deal with (is that normal?), I would be living on the street if I bought shoes and purses every time one pissed me off.

a lover and a fighter: Yeah, tk has a way with words. I'm much calmer about the situation today, so I emailed him and called him out a little bit (just for fun - I'm pretty sure it will freak him out).

onthevirg: I am not going to puss out and join! Have a little faith here dickhead! (Obviously I meant that in a nicer way than it came out...yeah.)

mcbias: Boys suck (well, not you of course). Good advice though - I sent him an email basically saying thanks for the invite, I'm not really interested in Friendster, and I hope everything is going well. Short, sweet, and if he grows any balls he'll take the lead from there. If not, it won't be a loss for me.

Dave: I know, it's nice that everyone's pitching in with advice - it almost gives me the warm fuzzies inside (you know, if I had a heart). I went to the Yanks game last night and had many beers and a pretzel - which is almost as good as beer and tofu (but not nearly as good as beer and a hot dog), so that's good advice too. As for the direct approach, well - read above and see that I emailed him, but I didn't really say anything either. Let's see if he's capable of going out on a limb (for once).

Anonymous said...

Good lawdie... you actually eat tofu? No wonder you end up at a skankee's game.

There's an easy way handle this... aside from what Bella said.

Tell the guy you're going to be eating lunch at such-and-such park, which is always loaded with people, and would like to see him there.

In flip-flops and a satin thong.

If he likes you, he'll do it and you can be assured that joining his Friendster is the absolutely wrong thing to do.

If he doesn't... make sure you bring a good book. Seb Junger has his most recent out in paperback - "A death in Belmont."

Bring a cattle prod for self-protection just in case.


Anonymous said...

UGH! Guys are so passive aggressive it's just blah!